Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 9/13/22 Nik Curfman 9/13/22

Vol III: #15 Good Examples

Fortunately, I have a few great people in my life, folks like me. I know their stories and what they’ve endured. They aren’t the most qualified, educated, wealthy, or charismatic. They just went to work. They believe in themselves and the Holy Spirit guiding them. And, I’m grateful to be a witness. I’ve seen the struggles and battles. Now, I see them in their triumphs. I get to watch them lift trophies(metaphorically speaking) and enjoy the fruit of their sacrifices.

I like heroes and champions as much as anyone. But, they can feel untouchable. Dabo Swinney- the championship winning football coach at Clemson- has charisma. Colin Powell was disciplined. Heidi Baker has more faith and courage than I do. And, Van Gogh was f*cking nuts, which is a different sort of untouchable. Sometimes, I need to see someone like me succeed. I want to know that my dreams aren’t fantasies.

Tomorrow, I’ll dive into the specifics of what I gleaned. For today, I’ll let this be about gratitude. That’s good enough.

Also, to rant for a sec, America is still the Land of Opportunity. We just live in the Age of Lazy.

Nik Curfman 4/11/21 Nik Curfman 4/11/21

Journal: #253 John & Natalie Take Risks

I love it. I love she quit her job to do soemthing she has to do. Maybe it gets published, maybe it doesn’t. Even if it is picked by an agent and published by a House, the book could flop in the eyes of readers. Still, so what?

Early this morning, I slung my coffee into an empty water bottle and hurried down the Five to Sacramento for the day. I went to meet up with John and Natalie, who recently moved back to California from Atlanta. Today marked our first proper visit in three years.

I met John on my first day of first job in Redding. He was in his early twenties then, tall and charismatic. We worked side by side cold-calling prospects, which he took to like a fish to water. I was a bit more of a cat in a bath. I never liked sales and was glad when I finally quit the last sales job I’ll ever take.

John and Natalie met in Redding via BSSM and got married eight years ago. What I love about there vibe is their willingness to be who they are and take risks. They aren’t content with normal jobs and getting old. And then, there’s “her book.” Natalie’s book has been in process for at least seven years, having existed in some form for the last 5 years. Today Natalie told me she has completely rewritten the entire novel over the last three months. Why? Because. They are taking risks.

Natalie was case worker for a local autism non-profit when I first met her. Also tall but less charismatic than her husband, she is thoughtful and even-keeled. What her and John share most is a thirst to try new things, visit new places, and find adventure. When other couples their age think about buying a house and producing offspring, Natalie and John moved across the country, visited Turkey, Portugal, Taiwan, and Singapore, and tried their hand in at few small businesses.

After we ordered coffee, John began to fill me on why the sudden move back to California. It’s about “her book.” In the quest to get it published, my friends made a baller move. They decided she needed to write full-time. To afford the income reduction, they moved in with his parents…so she could write. I love it. I love she quit her job to do something she has to do. Maybe it gets published, maybe it doesn’t. Even if it is picked by an agent and published by a House, the book could flop in the eyes of readers. Still, so what? Success at any of those steps above would be amazing. Every rejection will sting. That’s the way it is. And yet…the unthinkable doesn’t happen if she doesn’t write or submit manuscripts.

I’d love to be that husband one day. I’d love for my wife to say “I’ve got to do this,” and then I do whatever is needed to help her make it happened. I’d rather be rejected a hundred times, than regret not trying. Admittedly, I want a wife who will do the same.

After a day of coffee, strolls through downtown Sacramento, and Chinese grocery stores, I hugged my friends and started home. Once I cleared Sacramento city traffic, I began to thank the Lord for my friends. They are unique in my life in character and vision. Of all the couples I know, I like their marriage the most for those reasons. They honor what the gifts the Lord gave them and step out in faith. It’s fun to watch.

Nik Curfman 1/1/21 Nik Curfman 1/1/21

Journal: #163 Favorite Moments of 2020: My Family and Friends

In 2020, I was honored and was given the opportunity to honor others in profound ways. And my family and friends, once again, were solid as rocks when I needed them to be.

This post is eighth of ten in my Top Ten Moments of 2020. Unlike a lot of people, 2020 was not a bad year for me. Despite some major disappointments, I wouldn’t trade 2020 for anything. Read my intro by clicking this link, #10: Oregon, #9 Part 1 of The (X) Girlfriend here, and #9 Part 2 The (X) Girlfriend here.

What is Friendship?

What makes a good friendship? It’s a questions I’ve asked myself throughout my life, and the answer is complicated. It’s also simple. True friendship is when two people find joy in each other, and honor it.

In 2020, I was honored and was given the opportunity to honor others in profound ways. And my family and friends, once again, were solid as rocks when I needed them to be. I also had to let some people go, which is normal. Some people want to remain victims of life, complain about their circumstances, and hate accountability.

When it comes to my family and friends, I’m blessed beyond measure. I don’t have enough words or space to talk about every single person, so I’ll focus on a few.

Jess from Texas

I met Jesse nearly twenty years ago in Charlotte, North Carolina. We were both ministry school students and she became my de facto ride to school every morning. Looking back, it was very kind of her to do so given we barely knew each other.

Eventually, she moved away- to England? Then to Texas(?) where Jess met and married Rob. There they lived until early 2019 when the couple moved to Redding for Rob’s career. I live in San Francisco at the time, but it was the first time Jess and I lived in the same timezone in fifteen years. It was nice.

In May of 2019 I moved back to Redding when I formed a business partnership. My old friends was there, waiting on me.

When people say “God has a plan” it’s usually in response to a tragic random event. We say it to find comfort in the dark storms, but I can honestly say- with conviction- the Lord brought Jess to Redding for me. (And yes, for her and her family.) The last year and half have been some of the most difficult and trying times of my life. Jess was there every step of the way.

When I need someone to take me to the ER, to give me a place to sob after a break up, to bounce ideas off, and generally hold be accountable: Jess was there. She didn’t run from my pain or shame. She didn’t take it personally. And, she gave without pause. And Rob…he let’s Jess be Jess. What trust they have for each other.

I get teary-eyed when I think about when she and Rob will move to Texas. What she’s given me, I can never repay. If ever I needed proof the Lord loves me, it’s in the way Jess treats me. (She’s no push over trying to win my friendship. Jess is strong, and NEVER tells me what I want to hear. It’s not in her nature to sugar coat or lie. It’s part of what makes her great, even though Texas is a humid armpit of America.)

My Parents are Awesome

One of my favorite moments of 2020 was when I flew back to South Carolina to surprise my dad on his birthday. It’s a double bonus, because where dad is mom is too. That long weekend we enjoyed each other, smoked cigarettes, and hiked through the Congaree Swamp.

What I love about my relationship with my parents is it seems to be getting better. They value me as a person, and I try to find new ways to learn from them. To state the obvious, I’m blessed. They are a big reason my visits to Columbia have become something I look forward to instead of something I dread.

Grace of God in Human Form

As stated at the start, I could fill up a vast amount of internet talking about my great friendships. In 2020, my community loved and accepted me like never before. They supported my business decisions, listened to me cry, and challenged me be vulnerable.

Most importantly, that God’s goodness comes in many forms and from many places. It’s part of what made last year a great year in my eyes.

On the ‘morrow, I’m gonna discuss my new love: writing.

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Nik Curfman 11/9/20 Nik Curfman 11/9/20

Daily Journal: #113 Long Fruitful Day, Short on Words

I’m not sure how many emotional bounces I took today, but even for me it was a lot. I laughed, cried, and prayed. I let go of fears and desires while I made room for God to be God. It was a full day. Tomorrow, I will write more about being imperfect. For tonight, I’m going to stay in my current place of gratitude and honesty.

Today was a seesaw day of emotional ups and downs. I was down because I had another confrontation with my sister, then up because I did well at work. Then back down after a friend asked if I wanted some BBQ from Odell Craft BBQ (I was once a partner in the business), only to find myself lighter in heart and mind after an evening with old friends (as old as I’ve got in Redding.) I got to text my oldest nephew a bit, only to fight sorrow as I drove past the park where I once met my former girlfriend for morning walks.

I love this part of me. I’m tired of hiding, and trying to make the right decisions. I’m ok, and I will be ok. Life isn’t easy, but it is fun and amazing. Thank God.

One last thing, my friends- a group we call the Four Horsemen- are the best no-name Jesus lovers in the world. And we have the maturity of children.

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Nik Curfman 9/6/20 Nik Curfman 9/6/20

DJ: #54 Leaving Them Behind

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

- Henry David Thoreau

One of the glaring difficulties of recent life is the dread of letting some relationships go, as I move onward with Jesus. I want and intend to live my life from a place of joy and hope, not cynicism and fear. It follows then I have less tolerance for those dedicated to their slop. I get it. I was in their shoes. I have no hate for them, only compassion.

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
- Henry David Thoreau

I just don’t want to hear them complain about their jobs and lives. Mind you, the people I picture as I write are, by most accounts, great people. And they have stacks of blessings in their lives: good jobs, good families, etc. All the things.

But because I know them, because I’ve gotten closer to them, I know their cracks and flaws. And…they are trapped in their fears and insecurity. They never have “a good day.” Life is marked by frustration and the trials they face. At the other end of their angst is usually another person, someone they give power to and allowed to steal their peace. They describe life in sarcasm, memes, and tired complaints.

They are perpetual victims.

I know the land they inhibit. Lived there myself, for a bit. They don’t know how easy it is to be something else, to live from their hearts and experience daily renewal of their souls. Instead they are apathetic and lonely, never able to experience true peace. They are the walking definition of the quote above- desperate.

It is not a new understanding, to know people suffer, to know my friends suffer. What is new, for me, is the belief I must continue onward with the Lord. It’s not my place to fix them or stop what I’m doing to entertain them. In fact, the best action I can take is to keep going, show them a different route is available.

It’s a tough choice to carry to live out. I love my friends. I know and see the best in them, and I hurt they choose to live a life below what they are called to experience. I have to tell myself it’s not my job to save them. I’m not the Holy Spirit or the Father. I can’t see their hearts and what they need. He does. He gets it.

I’m not an asshole for moving on, but it can feel like it. How plainly I see their pain and struggles with insecurity, with self-pity, with hopelessness. But my hope isn’t in my pop-psychology or wisdom. The Lord is good, and I trust Him. I trust Him with my heart, my hopes, and future.

I trust Him with my friends too. He loves them more than I’ll ever know. And I will hope and pray for them, that they will see His light and move into it. They have their own path of glory to walk.

Lord,

Touch my friends. Remove the scales from the hearts, and the chains from their minds. Water the seeds of joy and peace you sowed into them, and give me the Grace to be the friend they need. I can see what I see, but I am not You. Your will be done.

Amen.

Nik Curfman 8/31/20 Nik Curfman 8/31/20

DJ: #48 Old Friends

Here is the straight truth: I cared about my social status. I cared about my job, my relationship status, my waistline, and social standing. So I projected my insecurity onto them. Conversely, I couldn’t receive what they gave because I didn’t trust it.

Yesterday was the day after my birthday. Forty years of life, plus one day. In the evening, I went to Freedom Park in Charlotte to meet up with some old friends: a sound engineer, a singer/song writer, a screen writer/director, and a producer. We sat on the grass across from the amphitheater and talked like old friends do as the daylight dwindled. It was as if no time or distance separated us from one another. We spent hours going over our thoughts on the coming election, COVID-19, and our families. My heart was full and grateful being in the moment.

Upon reflection, one thing was missing, one old friend: my insecurity. Usually, in any similar setting, I am consumed by the overwhelming need to prove myself, to prove I’ve got my shit together. Last night I was content to listen, content to be between career paths, and content to speak confidently when asked a question.

This morning, I felt loved. Like truly loved. And it is a healthy feeling. I say healthy because I’m not chasing an emotional high. In fact, I never really felt an emotional high. All the same, today I realized those guys, men I’ve known for 20 years, never gave a shit about what I did for work or my social status.

Here is the straight truth: I cared about my social status. I cared about my job, my relationship status, my waistline, and social standing. So I projected my insecurity onto them. Conversely, I couldn’t receive what they gave because I didn’t trust it. How can anyone value me? I’m a piece of shit. I believed they were either fooled or trying to con me. If you knew the real me, you wouldn’t be this way, or what are you trying to get from me?

God is good folks. He cares about the way we see ourselves. He patiently walked with me for the last twenty years to get me to this point, the point where I’m not an insecure emotional wreck. It feels good to fully let go of judgement and comparison, to focus on being Nik- a man with nothing to prove.

Lord, thanks for my friends. My true friends. Thank you for their love and kindness through the years. Bless them and their wives, and families. Pour out your love and grace on their hearts. Draw them closer to your center.

Amen.