Motivation Monday #6: And Then I Don’t

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On days like today, it’s not about what I know or feel. On a hot morning in early August it’s about getting shit done because shit needs to be done. You know? And honestly, more often than I’d like, it’s about doing the tasks and work so I don’t hate myself later. This post is a good example. I missed a few days last week and hated myself for it. Today, I’m not suddenly more ready or prepared, not buzzing with motivation or desire to pump out “THE BEST BLOG POST OF ALL THE BLOG POSTS!!” Nope. Today is about being at peace with myself. And peace is my biggest motivator of all.

(As for last week, in my attempt to “game-i-fy” my work, I’m making healthy progress. Gimme another week and I’ll have the full update (5b). Again, full details to come.)

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Motivation Monday #5a: Finding It

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I recently discovered my primary motivations, or better said, I accepted the facts as they are. I like to learn and explore. And I love to experiment. It’s why I love sculpture over drawing or painting. While the subject matter in a painting changes, the techniques and routines tend to remain the same. The way I sculpt is different. The subject changes as do the materials and techniques.

A cold irony of life is, for me and those with a similar disposition, it favors routine, planning, and consistency. And as I grew older, I too find room for routines and disciplines. The question I put to myself is where or how do I find mystery and wonder in the ordinary? How do I find myself in in schedules and “paperwork?” While the questions are absurd to a degree, they have merit. For I am convinced, meaning isn’t in the task or goal, but the reason we do it.

As I write this post, I’ve thought of ways to make my work my meaningful based my intrinsic need to learn and explore. Will report back in a month. Look for “Motivation Monday #5b: Finding It.”

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Motivation Monday #4: Intrinsic, Again

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We’ve all heard it said “if you like what you do you’ll never work a day in your life.” The people who fit this maxim are what we like to call Lucky Bastards. And they are the people who found some little thing about life, some tiny details, and went to town. Every day. Yep. That’s what they did. And then, over time, they got real good at the tiny detail and then it wasn’t so tiny any more. That’s what they do, that’s who they are. The Lucky Bastards club is all jammed to the breach with men and woman, those who found value in something the rest of us thought was boring or unreasonable.

The brother of an ex-girlfriend was a geeky little kid. He spent hours writing code and tinkering on his own website. The family thought it was cute, but then that geeky little kid got his first programming job at 17. By the time he was 25, he’d already worked for some of the biggest tech companies in Silicon Valley, like Stripe, Square, and Pay Pal. At 30, he sold all his shares, bought a house in Russian Hill, and started a consulting firm. The dude is one of the top data security programmers in the world. And he started by clacking away on Dell in a basement. And when I asked “why?” the profound answer he gave me was “dunno, I liked making stuff.” He’s part of the Lucky Bastards club.

My ex-girlfriend’s, brother’s love of “making stuff” is an intrinsic value. And he is lucky, all jokes aside. It’s not that he merely “like(s) to make stuff.” Making stuff encompasses the entire whole of stuff making including dresses, bread, and gas station boner pills. And I don’t believe Pete would be as fulfilled kneading dough or threading a needle. The kicker is Pete found he liked to “make” code. And he wrote code long before anyone paid him to do it. Good for him. I wish we were all so lucky.

I’ve got more to say on my intrinsic values. For now, I want to spend the week meditating on the subject. Have a good week.

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Motivation Monday #3: Week One, Done

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Motivation is not a super power. But, all too often, it feels like a magical force. And I want it. I want the ability to go after my greatest demons and push humanity ever closer to God without loss of drive or determination. Seriously. I am in awe of those who get shit done, because I focus on what isn’t being done. Accordingly, motivation feels more like a myth than reality. Matter of fact, I have greater faith in real-live miracles than my ability to stay motivated, to stay on course toward the accomplishment of any goal. And though my words feel harsh, I know they aren’t universally true. But they feel true. In all my failures, I’m the reason I failed. I gave up. To repeat, that’s how it feels. Failure happens for lots of reasons. And I am not to blame for all of them.

This year, I’m trying to define the concept of motivation as well what keeps me motivated. Last week I wrote I needed to hone in on my intrinsic motivations- those beliefs and values that are all my own. But before I could dive into intrinsic development, I needed to practice being in the moment. My only goal for last week was to stay present, instead of looking back or ahead. And I give myself a solid B- for last week. A few days got away from me, but I managed to catch myself before I spiraled…most of the time. I had fewer fake arguments and worried less about the future. This week I’ll stay focused on being present(aka taking every thought captive) in order to develop the habit.

Simple as it sounds, if I can pull myself into the moment, I’ll get a lot done.

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Motivation Monday #2: Intrinsic Motivation

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They say intrinsic motivation is what we do of our own accord, the actions and tasks we perform without praise or recognition or payoff. I prefer a more simple definition: it’s what we love to do. (Remember, motivation can be a complex mix of external and internal factors.) The easiest example of “doing what we love” is parents. Parents typically care about their children, as well as what other’s think of their parenting. And thankfully, most parents focus more on their children than the opinions of others.

My intrinsic motivation works it’s way out of me in little ways. I keep my room clean and bed made because it gives me a sense of peace and satisfaction. All cleaning and organization does. Whenever I hit my fitness goals for the day, I feel relieved/accomplishment. I’m grateful for these daily wins. What I wrestle with is the sense of what I must do instead of what I want to do, which feels like a battle between my externals and my internals. I should be interviewing for a better job, working out when I have free time, and paying my debts as fast as possible. The odd part is when I give myself time to do “the things” I still have trouble getting started or finishing.

Today I spoke to my counselor, aka Chat GPT, and managed to tease out the common factor limiting my intrinsic motivations: an inability to stay present, which is demonstrated above. Most of my self-critique is focused the past (oh, the mistakes you’ve made) or the future (if you want ‘x’, you need to do ‘y’.) Of course, should I manage to defeat those two buffoons, I have the evil boss waiting, aka you’re not good enough. It’s like I have three bastards working real hard to put me off task. Even the writing of this post was an exercise in perseverance, of sticking to my commitment regardless of how rambling it feels, or what my nephews texted, or how often I need to pee.

So, I will work on the following suggestions from my counselor and report back next week.

Stay Present:

• Practice mindfulness techniques to stay present in the moment (listed below). Concentrate on the task at hand rather than worrying about the future.

• Try deep breathing exercises or short meditation sessions to refocus your mind.

  Reflect on Progress:

• Regularly reflect on how far you’ve come. Keeping a journal of your progress can help you appreciate your efforts and stay motivated.

• Write down your thoughts and feelings about each completed task.

Implementing Staying Present Techniques

1. Morning Meditation: Spend 5-10 minutes each morning practicing mindfulness meditation.

2. Deep Breathing: Whenever you feel overwhelmed, take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

3. Focus Sessions: Use a timer to work in focused intervals, followed by short breaks.

4. Gratitude Journal: Each evening, write down three things you’re grateful for.

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Motivation Monday #1: Extrinsic Motivation

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“You’ll never make money watching YouTube videos.”

I thought that today. And I needed to think it. Nearly every day, whenever I sit down to write or draw or even read, I am faced with a battle, from twin assholes known as Not Good Enough and You’ll Never Make Money Doing That. Their convincing taunts and arguments tend to make cry, or in the least, tie me down. And now I wish I could go back and hand myself a road map. Oh, Nik. 21 year-old, Nik. Just start drawing dude. Keep writing. Where would I be…

Concerns centered around money (or social status, or recognition) are known as extrinsic motivations. We all have them and they are good. Mostly. My best external motivator is competition. I love to compete. The thing is, these types of motivation is fleeting for me. I want to put my seeds in the dirt today and harvest from the trees tomorrow. And the more I consider my external pushes and pulls, I see impatience creeping just beneath the surface of my thoughts and feelings. 21 year-old Nik wasn’t patient either.

Perhaps the biggest challenge I face is being patient enough to let me do the work. In twenty years, I’ll be sixty-three.

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Vol IV: #8 Motivation Rather Than Offense

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Motivation is a tricky muse. Similar to Inspiration, it is fleeting. The artist is happy to have them over, even begs them to stay. But when they’ve left the building, he must get back to work.

This week, I was given a slice of unexpected motivation. What was communicated does not matter, but I will admit I was disheartened at first. Someone challenged me and I immediately felt defensive. And, I don’t like feeling defensive. It’s a waste, and the behavior of slaves trying to appease a master. The challenge thrown at my feet was a truth I needed to hear. (Sorry for being vague, but I prefer to protect the innocent.) And as I thought about what I’m doing and where I want to be, I knew I could use the challenge to propel me forward like a ship sailing with the wind.

And this is new for me. Previously, I was defeated by a few well placed words or opinions. Whoever expressed them was clueless to the turmoil they set in motion, and they are not to blame for my self-sabotage. Any time I am defeated by a few words it is because of the unaddressed fear in my heart. The trick I used this week was to use words said in love, yet received as a challenge, as motivation to level-up my work and my approach to it. Maybe you’ve noticed an uptick in the number of posts this week? I’m on track to post 10-12 posts this week, and even more next week. (I’m hoping to finish my current short story by the end of next week too.)

I’m on a path to well over 500 posts over the coming year. That’s an insane but necessary amount of writing. To get to where I want to be- a working author, living off my work- I need to write and work and publish my stories. For now, it’s this blog. And soon, I’ll start submitting my work to writing competitions and (hopefully) editors for feedback. The next step is to produce a short story a week instead of over three weeks. Nothing wrong with my previous approach, but I’m moving up a level. I’m treating my work as a job, with hours, tasks, and deadlines.

And, I can thank a friend for a swift kick to rear for the motivation to go harder than ever before.

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Abstract: The Things I Want To Do

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Downstairs from my bedroom is a living space,

with two leather couches, a larger screen TV, and a few colorful posters on the wall.

It’s humble and comfortable.

And if I was set,

if I was where I want to be,

I’d be happy.

But as each day passes,

I hate that room all the more.

Every second I waste on one of those couches,

staring at that dumb electric box,

I fail.

And, I hate failing.

I hate that I waste my time,

and in this way I recognize the words of an ancient.

The things I want to do, I do not.

And the things I don’t want to do,

I do.

Fuck.

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Vol III: #18 What’s My Motivation?

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I have an ethic that says “don’t brag or talk about what you do.” And, whenever I violate this personal law, I feel like a real douche. For example, this post was going to be about my frequent trips to the Bethel Prayer Chapel. Three sentences into the post, I deleted everything because of lingering questions: should you be talking about your spiritual habits? And, Isn’t that something you should keep to yourself?

And, didn’t Jesus say “when you give, don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing?” And, cover yourself when you fast and pray in the dark? (Basically, the first half of Matthew 6 Jesus addressed how the Father sees people who pray and give to be noticed by people. The reward for such behavior isn’t from the Lord but men.) I think Jesus is clear about how to be a braggy douche bag.

The question I want to answer is what’s my motivation? In this situation, I wanted to discuss how prayer time can be a slog. Even with when I have a peaceful place and a comfy seat, some days I just stare out the window and mutter whatever comes to mind. Eventually, I’ll read my scriptures and focus on gratitude. My main point is I show up. And some days, I encounter the Lord in amazing ways. And some days, it isn’t so amazing. What I do believe is, a) the Lord is always with me and encountering me- whether I feel it or not, and b) the fruit of endurance is some of the sweetest there is. I reap the rewards of making that drive to the Prayer Chapel everyday.

So, what’s douchey about that? First, I hear a small voice in my head saying you don’t know what it’s like to have kids or wait till you’re married or isn’t that cool for you. To these thought I respond, I hope I never stop putting the Lord first. And, the spiral continues as I start to be more defensive are you saying the parents and people you know who don’t spend time with the Lord every morning are wrong?!? No. I’m not saying that. Of course, I’m not.

The truth is, I hope my life does look a lot different than most. I’m not trying to live a normal life- whatever that is. But, I watch tons of people struggle through life, disconnected from the Holy Spirit, and I don’t want to replicate that frustration. The Lord is my source and my life turns really dark without Him, which is my larger point. Even when life hits a lull, it’s better when Jesus than without. And, that’s not douchey.

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Vol III: #13 Competition Is My Jam

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When I was a kid, I completed my tests and quizzes as fast as possible. This practice usually resulted in one wrong answer per exam but I was happy with time for points exchange. So far as I was concerned, an A is an A, and the only real challenge was being first to finish. I got more joy out of being the first to turn in my test than the result.

Three months ago, on our Revival Group Day, our leaders split us into groups and we competed against each other in a series of summer camp-like races and events. After the first event of potato walking (place a potato between your knees, walk across the room, then drop the potato into a bucket, without using your hands), my group was dead last and a small part of me seethed over the result. In the next three competitions, we finished second, first, and first. And, when the points were tallied to confirm what we knew. Though we started in last place, we won the whole competition.

When the winning group was announced, I burst into a sprint as I held my index fingers high- you know, to remind my classmates who finished number one. I laughed the laugh of winner and genuinely enjoyed the win. And, as I neared the end of my victory lap, a thought scrolled across my mind “I love to compete.” And, so I do.

Today, I talked to the Lord about the next six months of my life. I want to be productive and hit my goals. And, to be vulnerable, I don’t have a lot of hope in myself. I know I need structure and accountability. Structure is easy enough to procure- set goals, break them down into achievable steps, then add a timeline. The first year of this blog is perfect example of that process. But, I have not yet been able to transfer that success into other areas of my life which is why the conversation with the Lord this morning was so critical. He reminded me of my successes and what motivates me.

What drives me is competition. And, I love to win. How did I not know this about myself? It seems obvious now, but it wasn’t three hours ago. And, when I think back to favorite life victories, most of them include some sort of competition or test. And as ever, and in His time, I feel like the Lord gave me a very important key, which I will figure out how to use to His glory.

I admit I gave up being competitive because it’s seen as undesirable and even sinful. (The world really will beat you down, eh? Into a wet-towel glump of inoffensive nothingness? And, I bought into it.) The truth is people who get things done are offensive to someone. They set goals, push themselves, and compete. And, I want to get shit done.

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