Vol III: #18 What’s My Motivation?
I have an ethic that says “don’t brag or talk about what you do.” And, whenever I violate this personal law, I feel like a real douche. For example, this post was going to be about my frequent trips to the Bethel Prayer Chapel. Three sentences into the post, I deleted everything because of lingering questions: should you be talking about your spiritual habits? And, Isn’t that something you should keep to yourself?
And, didn’t Jesus say “when you give, don’t let the right hand know what the left hand is doing?” And, cover yourself when you fast and pray in the dark? (Basically, the first half of Matthew 6 Jesus addressed how the Father sees people who pray and give to be noticed by people. The reward for such behavior isn’t from the Lord but men.) I think Jesus is clear about how to be a braggy douche bag.
The question I want to answer is what’s my motivation? In this situation, I wanted to discuss how prayer time can be a slog. Even with when I have a peaceful place and a comfy seat, some days I just stare out the window and mutter whatever comes to mind. Eventually, I’ll read my scriptures and focus on gratitude. My main point is I show up. And some days, I encounter the Lord in amazing ways. And some days, it isn’t so amazing. What I do believe is, a) the Lord is always with me and encountering me- whether I feel it or not, and b) the fruit of endurance is some of the sweetest there is. I reap the rewards of making that drive to the Prayer Chapel everyday.
So, what’s douchey about that? First, I hear a small voice in my head saying you don’t know what it’s like to have kids or wait till you’re married or isn’t that cool for you. To these thought I respond, I hope I never stop putting the Lord first. And, the spiral continues as I start to be more defensive are you saying the parents and people you know who don’t spend time with the Lord every morning are wrong?!? No. I’m not saying that. Of course, I’m not.
The truth is, I hope my life does look a lot different than most. I’m not trying to live a normal life- whatever that is. But, I watch tons of people struggle through life, disconnected from the Holy Spirit, and I don’t want to replicate that frustration. The Lord is my source and my life turns really dark without Him, which is my larger point. Even when life hits a lull, it’s better when Jesus than without. And, that’s not douchey.
