Journal: #160 Favorite Moments of 2020: Oregon

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

This post is tenth of ten in my Top Ten Moments of 2020. Unlike a lot of people, 2020 was not a bad year for me. Despite some major disappointments, I wouldn’t trade 2020 for anything. Read the intro by clicking this link.

Suddenly My Life Changed

When 2020 began, I thought I knew where my life was headed. I owned part of business I believed in, and began to date the best woman I’ve ever know. Life was good. I was happy. On the last day of May and the first day in June, everything changed. In 24 hours, whatever I thought was going to happen in 2020 was dead.

May 31st my girlfriend came over and broke up with me, and I knew I had to let her go. Literally, less than 24 hours later, my business partner said he thought it would be best if we parted ways. Again, I decided not to fight it. In both situations, I choose to trust and put my faith the Lord, even though I felt crushed.

Refusing To Be Shamed

I can’t help but feel like it was an epic moment in life. It’s the kind of scene at the beginning of a movie. The hero usually slides deep into a pit of depression and self-destruction. Oddly, I’ve been there and done that.

On this occasion, I refused to sink into muddy shame. Instead, I decided to bleed openly and submit to the goodness of the Holy Spirit. I choose to face my sorrow and pain without turning to drugs, porn, or binge eating. I was defeated, but I’m not going to give up, and I’ve just begun to live.

Grandiose as it sounds, I’ve often pictured this scene from Braveheart. It comes from the end of the Battle of Fallkirk. After a series of stunning victories, William Wallace is betrayed by Robert the Bruce. You can see the shock and disbelief on his face. That was me in late Spring. I was stunned and disappointed, and like William Wallace, I will not relent.

So Oregon…

Before our breakup, I planned to go to her family reunion with my former girlfriend. Obviously, that didn’t work out. I knew I needed to go do something to occupy myself that week in late July. I didn’t intend to go to Oregon by myself. I invited five or six guys, and all of the them eventually backed out, so I went alone.

Oregon is Gorgeous

Oregon was more than I expected. The rolling hills reminded me of western Pennsylvania, but nothing about Mount Hood is like anything on the east coast. It’s powerful and inviting, commanding both respect and awe. And the forests surrounding the Mt Hood? A-mazing. The beautiful rivers, glorious trees, and towering mountains are the definition of picturesque.

At the beginning of my hike up to Ramona Falls I felt alone, again. Four years ago, I was in a similar place. (After a break up, I hiked to the top of Mount Lassen. Alone.) I’m tired of flying solo…but more than that, all I want is to share these beautiful moments with someone I love.

I truly believe life is better when it’s shared.

I Was Honest With God

Instead of burying all the pain and frustration in my heart, I sat down next to a creek and cried. I told the Lord how I alone felt and asked Him why she didn’t want me. Then I listened for whatever He had to say.

True to who the Lord is, He did not satisfy my immediate need for an answer. He told me He loved me and He was sorry the breakup happened. Then I turned my face to sky and let the sun shine on my face. I know I will find a wonderful woman, we will get married, have children, and I will never be alone again. That’s my destiny.

From that moment forward, I decided to engage in gratitude. Yes, I was totally alone, so why not enjoy it? One day soon, I will have to wait on someone else, consider what they want, and go at their pace. Today, I get to stop when I want to stop, pee behind the trees, and run down the mountain as fast as I want.

Worth It

I ended my hike exhausted yet invigorated. First of all, Ramona Falls is stunning. It’s totally worth the hike. Second, I learned to read more than one Google review. They lone review I read of Ramona Falls said the hike was a seven mile round trip. It was more like ten miles, which is considerably longer than seven miles. I would’ve packed more snacks, and started earlier in the day. Lastly, the Lord is good. All the time. He didn’t say what I wanted Him to say, or even answer my questions. He spoke to the need in my heart, and asked me to mature in my trust for Him.

That’s why my trip to Oregon comes in at #10 on Top Moments of 2020 list.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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