Vol IV: #1 The Beginning of Year Four

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Since the beginning of the month, I’ve spent considerable time contemplating my next step as a writer. The goal was to answer the the basic questions regarding goals, subject matter, and purpose. I thought about including book reviews of the books I read. At my current reading pace, I’d have 2-3 reviews a month. But, I decided against the idea because the world doesn’t need more reviewers. No. What the world needs- in my view- is more storytellers and poets.

So, accordingly, I’ve decided to write more with the intent of learning how to tell a story. And I need to distinguish the difference between writing and publishing. In my first year of writing, I published 330+ blogs which was insane. The goal in Year Four is to dedicate at least one hour every single week day and two hours each Saturday and Sunday to honing my craft. How many blog posts and poems that will produce is yet to be determined. If I spend multiple days on a post, so be it. Similarly, I may pump out multiple posts per Saturday. Who knows?

This approach has me excited about the next 365 days. By my calculations, if I stick to my new target I will write on average nine hours per week. Factoring in sick days, travel, and a few holidays, I figure I’ll write for nearly 458 hours over the coming year. That’s a lot when you think about it…kinda like a part time job? Hobbies don’t become jobs by fluffing around or being a weekend warrior. Right?

What’s got me jazzed the most though is deepening my experience as a storyteller- the learning to wrestle with words and characters, of setting a story, building characters, and leading my readers to new places. At times, it feels like a waste. What do I have to say that hasn’t been said? How are my stories any different or worth reading than the last? This where I lean back on my culinary past for a glimpse of what I know is possible, because I’ve created dishes no one else has or thought to: seared scallops with compressed watermelon and tequila, smoked short ribs with roasted rice cakes, kimchee, and soy/red wine reduction. My personal favorite was the broiled cured pork belly, topped it with fresh salmon and black soy caviar. And these dishes weren’t given to me by God in dreams, but were the product of time spent learning how to cook. I mean, I spent hours and hours pouring over cookbooks, watching and rewatching YouTube videos, shopping for speciality ingredients from all over, and making mistake after mistake. I’ve over-salted clams and undercooked chicken, and I still haven’t nailed down truly great fried chicken. But, damnit, I can cook. And the food business wanted me, up to the very end. I still had offers to run a kitchen, cook what I wanted. Now I’m here, toiling away in my dingy little tent of internet. And If I become the same creative author I was as a chef, I’m gonna be happy. Very happy.

Here’s to the year to come. May the Lord bless me with patience and grace and the wisdom to find help when needed.

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Vol III: #90 A Bit Stuck

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Three years ago, I burned up the internet with my words. I’d suffered two broken relationships- one romantic and the other professional. And as any country music star will tell ya, break ups are a gold mine of emotion and creative fuel. But now I feel like a dry creek, my flow gone. Or, at the least, that’s how I feel. My thoughts run into walls like who cares and you don’t know anything. I know that’s not true, but all feels mechanical and repetitive.

And to clarify, I’m referring specifically to blogging. In my physical journal I write 4-5 poems per week, and perhaps this is were I need to focus for the moment. Creeks always overflow in the spring then run dry during the summer (in California.) But rivers run strong, from the headwaters near a mountain all the way to an ocean. The level may rise and fall, but the water keeps moving. Accordingly, at least at the start, year four is going to be poems. Lots of poems.

I still have another week on Volume III and I hope to add another blog entry or two. Then, on or about July 11th, I’ll post about what I want year four to be. 90ish blogs is well short of the goal I set for myself last year. But, on the bright side, I did author almost 80 poems over the last year. Combined, I wrote almost 170 blogs, short stories, and poems. That’s not so bad.

The big goal for 2023-24 is going to be to finish my first novel. I believe I’m halfway to a completed rough draft, but I haven’t worked on it in months. Normally, I’d just be done with it- the project. My tendency is start a project and either finished it or let it be forever unfinished. It’s hard for me to come back to a project once I lay off it for a while. So…the opportunity I have is to reverse years of leaving things undone.

I don’t need more projects, I just need to believe in the ones I want- like my writing. I believe in it even when I feel a bit stuck.

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Vol III: #44 2023 Goal

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I’m tired and don’t have the energy to type something more eloquent than this:

My number one goal for 2023 is to kill my inner critic and judge. I’m so over my opinions and offenses. All of us are guilty and unworthy. All of us have been hurt and all of us have hurt people. And what’s the point of all our critiques and opinions? We aren’t happier or more satisfied. (Not to mention the people who game the system looking for errors or mistakes.)

I just want peace and joy. I don’t think those two fruits of the spirit are possible by stewing in offense and looking for flaws. So, among the desires I have for 2023, I hope I am a more peaceful and content person. And I know that won’t come by controlling my environment or getting everything I want.

Lord help.

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Vol III: #27 150 Days Of Goals

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On March 24th of next year, I plan to be on my way to New Zealand. Some old friends founded a school there and I’m keen to give it a visit. From New Zealand I’ll head to a Middle Eastern country to visit more friends. The prospect of a trip to Middle Earth (where the Lord of the Rings were filmed) and the land of the Bible is exciting*. And, this trip will involve a number of firsts for me, like flying over the Pacific Ocean, traveling to the southern hemisphere, and first true visit to a Muslim country. If I have my way we will also make a quick trek to the southern Turkey, which I am told is quiet and peaceful.

Last Monday(October 24th), it occurred to me my trip is 150 days away. And, I wondered what can I do over the next five months that will draw me closer to some of my goals? Immediately, several ideas popped to the top and I will share them with you now. My reason for sharing my new short-term goals is so I have a measure of accountability. And now, without further delay:

1. 150 Yoga sessions. Of all the exercises I’ve learned and enjoyed, yoga is my favorite.

2. 150 interpreted Psalms. I’ll post these everyday like I have since Monday. I started at Psalm 121. Can’t wait til Psalm 119…

3. No added sugar, alcohol, or fast food. This ought to be easy enough as I don’t eat much added sugar or drink a lot of alcohol. The only challenge will be life without Taco Bell. We all have a weakness.

4. 10,000 steps every day.

That’s it. Nothing fancy or original. I just like having a deadline- a point in the future to aim at. And, I’ll update y’all along the way.

*I’m not sure how much I can say about my trip to the Middle East. The internet is a silly place and I’m going to protect my friends.

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Vol III: #2 Goals For Year 3

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Last year when I hit my goal of publishing 330 blogs in 365 days, I celebrated. And, then I set goals for year two. I casually dismissed my goals a month into my BSSM stint without guilt. BSSM was a necessary pitstop on my way to bigger and better things. Regardless, I’m proud of what I wrote over the last year. My writing improved and I discovered what’s next.

For the blog, I want to hit 150 posts plus an undefined number of poems. My of my posts will of this variety which I consider to be more of documentation of my life.

The big goal for 2022-2023 is to write a complete rough draft of California Too. It will be my first work of fiction- in what I hope leads to a productive career. I’m aware of my shortcomings as an author i.e. I will be learning how to write a novel while I write a novel. Thankfully, the internet is full of resources and online classes when I need them.

I wanted to start writing with more urgency when BSSM ended in May. And, I did write few pages. But, I was also distracted by this trip. Now that’s I’m down the back stretch, I have this growing sense of “it’s time to go to work.” And, I see this post is the first step in the novel writing process. It’s important to state goals and make them known. To state my intent makes the endeavor of writing a novel more real, and more attainable.

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Abstract: Paddling

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I bought fresh sketchbooks and new pencils,

dreamed of greatness, and plotted my course.

Some days I paddle as hard as I can,

and some days I dream of paddling as hard as I can.

Even more, some days I dream of dreaming,

and at that point, I am not paddling.

My eyes are trained on the shore,

not far from me and my little boat.

The journey to the other side seems so far from here,

and the waves conspire to knock me off my route.

Even still, I will push on,

away from the comfort of dreaming,

toward the reality of doing.

Today is not the day I become a master,

rather one day closer.

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Vol II: #1 Year Two

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Well, here we are. After a year of writing, we begin year #2. It feels fresh and alive. I know the direction I want to go and how I want my writing to evolve. For starters, I want to develop the craft of story-telling. Stories draw people into a moment and provide depth to discussion. To support this goal, I enrolled in an online class and began to read more fiction— starting with Langston Hughes’ book “Not Without Laughter.” While I don’t plan on writing fiction, the best non-fiction authors (ie Malcolm Gladwell) use a fictional approach to the real-life stories they pen. That’s what I want to do. Second, I want to be more intentional in regards to writing poetry. I love writing poetry, because it’s my space to explore a thought or feeling. When I was writing a blog post per day, my ability to kick out poems suffered.

Practically what this will look like to you is I will alternate blog posts and poems. Every Monday-Wednesday-Friday will be a blog posts, and every Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday will be poems. The goal is to post 150 of each over the next year. This new schedule will give me Sunday’s off plus two weeks worth of days for me to take off as I wish. I believe the change will allow me to proof read and edit my writing in line with my goals— write a post one day, then edit and post it the next.

I appreciate all the love and support.

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Journal: #330 GOAL ACHIEVED!!!

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I thought about this exact post for months— what I want it to be, communicate, and symbolize. Now that it’s here, I want to celebrate the moment of achievement. How many of us set specific goals and achieve them? It probably depends on the goal, right? I’ll reframe the question. How many of us set personal goals— lacking financial or social reward— and achieve them? In my life, and I’m sure yours, it’s uncommon. From the time we are young, we are taught to aim at what’s best for others or brings the most economic reward. Some are so ingrained with this process; it’s difficult to imagine living life any other way. I was one such person, but not anymore. I wrote for a year because it’s what I want to do. It gives me more than money can buy— self-worth, a creative outlet, and a place to process life.

I’m trying to remember an achievement I’m more proud of, and I can’t. Let this post serve as a sign with great flashing lights to all who read it. Do something in your life you’ve always wanted to do FOR YOU. Write that book, plant those flowers, or restore the rust bucket calling your name. This is your call to make time for yourself- every day. You need to love yourself. Creating time and space to satisfy what’s in your heart is part of loving yourself. And you, my lovely reader, are worthy of love.

Cheesy as it sounds, I’d like to thank the Lord for bringing me to this point. He’s the one who directed my feet regardless of where my eyes were. What I did over the last year is showering me with confidence in other areas of my life. (That’s called the fruit of the Spirit. ) The process of writing and publishing posts every day forced me to confront legions of my doubts and fears. It was awesome. Victory is in the determination to continue. I love it.

To my most faithful readers (you know who you are), thank you. Your encouragement meant a lot. Tomorrow will be my first post of a new writing year, and I’ll go over the details of what year two of writing will be. Love y’all.

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Journal: #316 Only 14 Left

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I’m really looking forward to the coming change in my writing schedule. This first year of writing was great, and now I’m ready for the shift. The process and commitment to posting a blog post every day was all the things: hard, annoying, fun, stretching, etc. I’m glad I did it. It got me into the habit of and craft of doing something every day. Of the 340 days, I posted something, I was super motivated half the time. Which means half the time I was not motivated. Today is a good example. This post is more about determination.

What I love about writing every day is how it pushed me to a) examine my life, b) express myself—especially when I want to withdraw, and c) pushed me to drop my perfectionist tendencies. I don’t have time to agonize over the subject matter or sentence structure, which is a good thing. And even though I repeat myself, this process gave me room to see me grow into myself. Some aspects of life- lessons if you will- I documented, and re-documented. How many times have I written about patience, grace, and my need for grounded routines? A lot, because it’s the season I’m in.

If you really want to know if you love a thing, do it for a year. You’ll either be tired of it or ready for more. I’m happy to report, I’m ready for more writing. I’m ready to improve my new craft— sentence structure, story-telling, vocabulary, etc. For now, I want to finish strong by hitting my goal of 330 blog entries in 365 days.

Only 14 left.

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Journal: #297 Living One Day At A Time

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I believe I have a subtle yet powerful force at work in my thought life. It’s a very human condition; therefore, I harbor no guilt. Embarrassed is the best word to describe how I feel. I’m embarrassed it took me this long to see it for what it is. I, like most people, try to control my life. I know. What a shocking revelation! Except it isn’t a revelation. I’ve written about “letting go” and “keeping it simple with God.” In fact, every single day of my life, I say, “Lord, your will be done in my life.” Comically, I spend the remainder of my day trying to avoid mistakes and “the wrong path.”

Today, on a business call, my client said something old in a slightly new way. She is starting a podcast and wants to name it Small Steps, Big Success. I think it’s a catchy name for an ancient axiom: slow but steady wins the race. Of all the lessons of the last year, this is one of the top three. (Along with Be Honest and Keep it Simple.) Of all my goals of the last year, writing every day taught me the most. I 100% believe anyone can change any aspect of their life if they show up every day. People who lose weight don’t have perfect diets or work out ten times/day. (They did learn to get back up when thrown from the horse. They learned how to keep a bad food week from turning into a bad food month.)

Something about how Cindy (the Client) talked about little steps and big success touched me. It was as though a door clicked open in the space between my head and my heart. In that instant, my head let go of trying to predict the future. And my heart let go of the need for feedback. (My head and heart are often at odds, but not on this.) The truth is the biggest buildings are constructed one piece, one beam, one brick at a time. We see the finished work but rarely the amount of planning, organization, and resources required to build it. It’s the same with each of us. Whatever is good and true requires time and dedication. Contrary to popular Christian myth, welcome change is rarely sudden or immediate.

So, I’m going to focus on each day. Doing the little things. That’s it. Simple.

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Journal: #295 The Next 60 Days

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May was a long month or seemed to be. I began the month in South Carolina, flew back to California on the 3rd, and battled a series of emotional lows the rest of the month. Last week was better, and I’ve patiently waited for today to arrive. It’s a new month packed with fresh possibilities. I’m excited to start new goals and go camping.

Since May was a scramble, I will be more deliberate in June and July. It’s going to be 61 days of working, exercise, learning, and doing. No more random days and wasted time in front of the TV. There’s nothing to watch anyway. I might as well put this summer to good use. Hopefully, it’s my last summer as a single man. (Who knows? Some aspects of that hope are completely out of my hands. I won’t force it. I’d rather be single than headed toward a shitty marriage or divorce.)

The goals I have include: Lose 30 pounds, grow my investment account by $2000, finish my drawing classes, finish my investment courses, and use the camera I bought to take pictures of my travels. Here in June, I’ve got a lot of writing to complete. Today is post #295, meaning I have 35 more posts to write in just 40 days. I can (and will) take a mere five days off from writing. Given my travel schedule in early July, I need to save my off days until then that time. To adjust, my posts will be intentionally shorter.

I look forward to the day I type “#330” into the header. It will mark the first time I set and accomplished a goal like that. What I mean is, this is the first “Nik only” goal. I didn’t have structure or someone pushing me. I have a small audience, so no one would miss me if I stopped. To write and post #330 blog posts without outside motivation is a big deal. It’s proof I can do something completely on my own. I needed this experience to boost me into more challenging endeavors. Success isn’t what I thought it would be. I thought it would come in the form of a growing audience. Each day I press “Publish,” is a successful day.

The next 60 days will include new goals and the completion of old goals. I can’t wait to see how it plays out. God is good, and I believe the next 60 days are going to be magical.

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Journal: #283 Stay the Course

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Bit of a blah day today. I feel queasy and sleepy. Fortunately, work is in a bit of a lull, with no serious projects on the horizon. (By no serious projects, I mean most of my work is day-to-day marketing tasks- emails, project management, ad reviews, etc.) I did misspell the word restaurant in a tweet, which was caught my the CEO. That’s not good. He’s a good man, but there is a limit to such mistakes. I prefer not to make it again.

As for today’s post, I don’t have much. I made the decision to change my writing schedule, which will happen in July. The main goal is to improve my writing. After that, I want some time back. What it will look like to my readers is Monday-Wednesday-Friday will be journal days, while Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday will be poem days. This new schedule will give me the opportunity to write and properly edit my posts. Currently, I scan each post before I post them, but not as I should.

Writing everyday is a slog I enjoy. I didn’t understand what I was doing when I decided to write 330 journal post in one year. I’m glad I set such a big goal. Turns out 330 journal posts is a lot of posts. So last week I thought about changing my posting schedule now. Why wait till July? Well, because. I set a goal, and I love myself too much to give in now. This is blog post #283. Holy cow. That’s a lot. I owe it to tomorrow Nik to keep the chain going. No change, not until July.

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