Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 11/21/22 Nik Curfman 11/21/22

Vol III: #40 My Brother and Sister

This morning I thought about what I’m grateful for in my life. Whenever I do this, I make a list which begins with my parents and friends. And eventually, I include my brother and sister. As of 2022, I’m not particularly close to either of them, but I remain thankful for both (and their families.) They were my heroes as kids and both have shown me generosity as adults. I have to laugh when I think about how different we are from each other. We’ve lived very different lives and made vastly different choices. Given our differences and distance, I’m not sure a touchy, feel-good relationship is in the works, but who knows?

I love Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday and is suited to my personality. I love that we have a day dedicated to gratitude and delicious food and enjoying a moment with loved ones. I also feel like people are more kind this time of year. More patient. Gratitude will do that to people- when we turn our focus from what’s wrong or offensive to what’s good and life-giving. (It’s a shame that atmosphere disappears the next day amongst the mad dash for stuff. I prefer if Christmas- another reason to be grateful- were more similar to Thanksgiving. No presents. Just good times and good vibes.)

Gratitude isn’t about perfection or what we deserve. Gratitude is a choice to look for what is good and honor it. Both my brother and sister have hurt and disappointed me. (As I have hurt and disappointed them.) But, neither intentionally hurt me. I recognize that. Each one has, in their way, tried to love me the best they can. I’m grateful for the attempts. For example, my brother buys me a Christmas gift every year because that’s how he loves me (even though I’m not a gift person.) And, my sister has admitted mistakes and apologized for some of her worst moments (despite the fact that she seem incapable of listening in the moment, better late than never.) This is what I mean when I say I appreciate the attempt. I refuse to let their worst bits be the standard of measure in my heart toward them. Gratitude empowers me to let go of my need to control the way they treat me. Each is a beautiful person in their own way: I’ll always admire my sister’s boldness and my brother’s work ethic. And I wish I had half of my sister’s charisma and all my brother’s grit.*

At this stage in our lives, I chose to cherish whatever moments we have together. And, I will hold onto the good times we shared. So, I will pray for them and their spouses and children, that they would have a fine Thanksgiving, one full of peace, joy, and good vibes.

Nik Curfman 1/1/21 Nik Curfman 1/1/21

Journal: #163 Favorite Moments of 2020: My Family and Friends

In 2020, I was honored and was given the opportunity to honor others in profound ways. And my family and friends, once again, were solid as rocks when I needed them to be.

This post is eighth of ten in my Top Ten Moments of 2020. Unlike a lot of people, 2020 was not a bad year for me. Despite some major disappointments, I wouldn’t trade 2020 for anything. Read my intro by clicking this link, #10: Oregon, #9 Part 1 of The (X) Girlfriend here, and #9 Part 2 The (X) Girlfriend here.

What is Friendship?

What makes a good friendship? It’s a questions I’ve asked myself throughout my life, and the answer is complicated. It’s also simple. True friendship is when two people find joy in each other, and honor it.

In 2020, I was honored and was given the opportunity to honor others in profound ways. And my family and friends, once again, were solid as rocks when I needed them to be. I also had to let some people go, which is normal. Some people want to remain victims of life, complain about their circumstances, and hate accountability.

When it comes to my family and friends, I’m blessed beyond measure. I don’t have enough words or space to talk about every single person, so I’ll focus on a few.

Jess from Texas

I met Jesse nearly twenty years ago in Charlotte, North Carolina. We were both ministry school students and she became my de facto ride to school every morning. Looking back, it was very kind of her to do so given we barely knew each other.

Eventually, she moved away- to England? Then to Texas(?) where Jess met and married Rob. There they lived until early 2019 when the couple moved to Redding for Rob’s career. I live in San Francisco at the time, but it was the first time Jess and I lived in the same timezone in fifteen years. It was nice.

In May of 2019 I moved back to Redding when I formed a business partnership. My old friends was there, waiting on me.

When people say “God has a plan” it’s usually in response to a tragic random event. We say it to find comfort in the dark storms, but I can honestly say- with conviction- the Lord brought Jess to Redding for me. (And yes, for her and her family.) The last year and half have been some of the most difficult and trying times of my life. Jess was there every step of the way.

When I need someone to take me to the ER, to give me a place to sob after a break up, to bounce ideas off, and generally hold be accountable: Jess was there. She didn’t run from my pain or shame. She didn’t take it personally. And, she gave without pause. And Rob…he let’s Jess be Jess. What trust they have for each other.

I get teary-eyed when I think about when she and Rob will move to Texas. What she’s given me, I can never repay. If ever I needed proof the Lord loves me, it’s in the way Jess treats me. (She’s no push over trying to win my friendship. Jess is strong, and NEVER tells me what I want to hear. It’s not in her nature to sugar coat or lie. It’s part of what makes her great, even though Texas is a humid armpit of America.)

My Parents are Awesome

One of my favorite moments of 2020 was when I flew back to South Carolina to surprise my dad on his birthday. It’s a double bonus, because where dad is mom is too. That long weekend we enjoyed each other, smoked cigarettes, and hiked through the Congaree Swamp.

What I love about my relationship with my parents is it seems to be getting better. They value me as a person, and I try to find new ways to learn from them. To state the obvious, I’m blessed. They are a big reason my visits to Columbia have become something I look forward to instead of something I dread.

Grace of God in Human Form

As stated at the start, I could fill up a vast amount of internet talking about my great friendships. In 2020, my community loved and accepted me like never before. They supported my business decisions, listened to me cry, and challenged me be vulnerable.

Most importantly, that God’s goodness comes in many forms and from many places. It’s part of what made last year a great year in my eyes.

On the ‘morrow, I’m gonna discuss my new love: writing.

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Nik Curfman 12/26/20 Nik Curfman 12/26/20

Journal: #157 Happy To Be With My Family

I’ll be thankful when the time comes, when I’m no longer able to have them all to myself, I had this time to spend with them.

Maybe I can’t eat my normal diet, go for long walks, or blast worship for hours, but I can be grateful in all things. So, I will.

It’s day three of my four day Christmas trip to South Carolina, and I’m enjoying it. I’ve had a blast my parents, and Christmas at my brother’s house was fun. No drama. No tension. Just love, old stories, and lots of laughs.

At my brother’s house I consumed more sugar in eight hours than I have all year. This morning I woke up with a sugar hangover. It’s like an alcohol hangover- achy head, tons of inflammation, and lethargy. To combat my high blood-sugar level, I drank water and coffee and ate a few healthy meals after. I feel much better now.

Regardless, I do not foresee a cookie or chocolate truffle anywhere in my near future.

Despite my dance with the glucose queen, this visit to my native land has been one of my most successful yet. In addition to the food, I haven’t gotten my walks in or found time to spend with the Lord. I know He’s there, ever patient. More importantly, I know I’m ok. A few days with a different routine will not take me down. I’m not doing anything wrong. Feels like a I’m a new man compared to my past.

I thank God for this new way of life. When I get back to California, I’ll get back to my routines. It’s ok if I enjoy this moment with my family. One way or another I don’t have many Christmases left with them as single man, so I will let gratitude fill my heart. And, I’ll be thankful when the time comes, when I’m no longer able to have them all to myself, I had time to spend with them.

Maybe I can’t eat my normal diet, go for long walks, or blast worship for hours, but I can be grateful in all things. So, I will.