Vol III: #40 My Brother and Sister
I love Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday and is suited to my personality. I love that we have a day dedicated to gratitude and delicious food and enjoying a moment with loved ones. I also feel like people are more kind this time of year. More patient. Gratitude will do that to people- when we turn our focus from what’s wrong or offensive to what’s good and life-giving. (It’s a shame that atmosphere disappears the next day amongst the mad dash for stuff. I prefer if Christmas- another reason to be grateful- were more similar to Thanksgiving. No presents. Just good times and good vibes.)
This morning I thought about what I’m grateful for in my life. Whenever I do this, I make a list which begins with my parents and friends. And eventually, I include my brother and sister. As of 2022, I’m not particularly close to either of them, but I remain thankful for both (and their families.) They were my heroes as kids and both have shown me generosity as adults. I have to laugh when I think about how different we are from each other. We’ve lived very different lives and made vastly different choices. Given our differences and distance, I’m not sure a touchy, feel-good relationship is in the works, but who knows?
Gratitude isn’t about perfection or what we deserve. Gratitude is a choice to look for what is good and honor it. Both my brother and sister have hurt and disappointed me. (As I have hurt and disappointed them.) But, neither intentionally hurt me. I recognize that. Each one has, in their way, tried to love me the best they can. I’m grateful for the attempts. For example, my brother buys me a Christmas gift every year because that’s how he loves me (even though I’m not a gift person.) And, my sister has admitted mistakes and apologized for some of her worst moments (despite the fact that she seem incapable of listening in the moment, better late than never.) This is what I mean when I say I appreciate the attempt. I refuse to let their worst bits be the standard of measure in my heart toward them. Gratitude empowers me to let go of my need to control the way they treat me. Each is a beautiful person in their own way: I’ll always admire my sister’s boldness and my brother’s work ethic. And I wish I had half of my sister’s charisma and all my brother’s grit.*
At this stage in our lives, I chose to cherish whatever moments we have together. And, I will hold onto the good times we shared. So, I will pray for them and their spouses and children, that they would have a fine Thanksgiving, one full of peace, joy, and good vibes.
