Journal: #175 Favorite Moments of 2020: Grace and Patience

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

This post is second of ten in my Top Ten Moments of 2020. Unlike some, 2020 was not a bad year for me. Despite some major disappointments, I wouldn’t trade 2020 for anything. Read my intro by clicking this link, #10: Oregon, #9 Part 1 of The (X) Girlfriend here, #9 Part 2 of The (X) Girlfriend here, #8 Family and Friends here, #7 My Love of Writing here, #6 Walking Away From BBQ here, #5 Growing in Gratitude here, #4 Discovering Myself here, and #3 Learning to Love Myself here.

It would be an understatement to say I learned about grace and patience in 2020. Entering 2020, I had some patience- the kind of patience you have for a crying child or waiting in line. I did not have long-term life patience. Whatever I wanted had to happen the moment I wanted it, or it was never going to happen. As for grace, I didn’t have a clue. I do now.

Learning From the Kids

In 2020, I was introduced to a number of “kids.” I call them kids because they were all mostly ten years(or more) younger than me. Through them I was encouraged and challenged, but also assured. I see them make the same mistakes and fall into the same traps I did.

It’s hard to watch them stumble through pain and insecurity, impatience, and fear. I want to shake them by the shoulders and scream until they shut up. They haven’t yet given themselves into the hands of the Lord. In that tension, one foot in Him and the other in man, they will never find contentment or peace.

But I can’t be that guy, the “all-knowing” douche bag. For starters, if I had my shit together I’d be “farther along” than I am. Right? Wrong.

Enter, grace and patience.

Grace Is Unearned Favor

I am blessed to befriend these younger versions of me. I get to walk with them, and they are not my responsibility. Some mistakes need to be made, like a hand on a hot stove. And when the door is opened, I will share what I have to give. It’s the best of both worlds.

I know now, grace is always flowing and available to me. I’m the one with my hand on the knob. I decide whether or not I’m going to allow the Lord to be Himself in my life.

Grace is about possibilities and redemption of lost opportunities. I’ve seen it over and over the last year, in my life and the lives of my friends. Perfection is not I requirement for those in Christ Jesus. Pursuit is. I’ll give you an example.

As I write this blog post, the marketing company I work for stands posed to land a huge contract. In a real literal sense, I am not qualified to do the job they are asking me to do. I am not as knowledgeable or experienced as others in the marketing world. But, I am wildly creative in that space, and they recognize the intangibles I bring to the team. I think like an owner and connect like details back to the big picture. I can manage production teams and meet with clients. And, I’m creative.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I don’t think I can meet the challenge. Of my own strength and track record, I shouldn’t be in this situation. Yet, I will not let go the opportunity in front of me. I don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers. This is a fantastic moment to grow.

Of course, I’ll have to bust my ass, but that’s a given. I’m here for it. In my past, I’d run from a moment like this, or figure out a way to sabotage it. Not today. I’ve got favor on my life and I will honor it.

Patience Is Life-Sustaining

Whatever hurdles come and trap I find, that’s when patience shines. Patience isn’t a magical power to endure. It’s vision to know this slice of time is temporary. That’s the goodness of time. It passes. Thankfully nothing last forever, and if we keep a heart of gratitude we will experience the fullness of joy in each moment.

To be more specific, patience is long-term vision. It’s the ability to sacrifice current comfort and perfection for the long gain. This is what the Father does with us. He’s not concerned with this moment, and yet His hand is moving us along all the same. He knows the outcome, so the score doesn’t matter.

To us, the score matters. We look up at the scoreboard and fret when we think we are behind. Jesus has ice water in his veins. There’s no rush in His voice, no hurry to His pace. He is patient, because He plays a different game.

It’s the game I’m trying to play. Grace is the aggressive offense. It takes chances and doesn’t flinch when it fails. Patience is the relentless defense. Sure, battles will be lost and suffering will come. Just play the next play. The best any of us can do is forget what happened and move forward. The past is not the future.

For twenty years, the Lord built His case for me. He slowly and consistently guided me until last year, when I was able to see it. That’s the definition of patience. I thought about it last night. The Lord is never curt with me or frustrated. His voice is always kind and encouraging. I can’t make that up. I’m often unkind and impatient with myself, but not Him.

The difference between me in January of 2021 and a year ago is the grace and kindness of the Lord. I don’t have to be perfect or punish myself when I’m wrong. And the further I look down the road, the better my decisions become. Patience and grace are gifts of love from Him to me.

They enabled me to face some of the most difficult moments in my life without shame or embarrassment. And they light my path when my head starts to sink. I am loved and worthy of love. The Lord loves me without logic or end.

I couldn’t be more grateful for it.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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