Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 9/22/21 Nik Curfman 9/22/21

Vol II: #31 A Vision of Worship

During the final chorus of Alleluia, I saw(in my mind) something wondrous and awesome. The Lord took me up into Heaven. All the Saints (of the Great Cloud of Witnesses) were engaged in raucous worship- not on their faces. They were alive and untethered by anything. A moment later, I saw a single woman in Chile as she sat alone in her apartment, a black mother in LA, a Japanese commuter vibing to the music in his earbuds, and a young Afghani man behind a tall wall. All of them singing- aloud and in silence- to the Lord. As it happened in Heaven, it happens on Earth.

Today’s worship team was comprised of native Spanish speakers. Bethel attracts people from all over the world and Central/South America is well represented. So, it doesn’t surprise me they had enough qualified worshippers to comprised an entire team. I love the diversity in my class, as I often German, Dutch, Spanish, and the occasional Russian in the hallways. And, the sheer volume of international students at BSSM makes Redding feel less white bread, which I like.

I sensed the excitement oozing from the worship team as they bounced around the Civic Auditorium stage. This week featured nothing but first-year students, each group ready for the moment. But, today was different. I could stereotype it by saying it’s “Latin” energy and maybe I’m reading into it. Regardless, the feeling in the room changed when the worship leaders began to sing in their native tongue. The Spanish-speaking students responded in kind, their voices louder and filled with emotion. Each of them traveled a physical and cultural distance to be in Redding, and they have my admiration for it.

I know many elevated people have grand visions of 24-hour worship, and I’m here to say we already have it. When I’m alone and I feel like shit, I’m not alone-not in Heaven or on Earth. When we raise our voices, we join the worldwide chorus in worship to the Lord- with many languages, from a multitude of countries and timezones. The next time you mumble your favorite lines from your favorite songs, remember you aren’t the only person doing it. We are part of something great and amazing and alive. It’s the enemy who wants us to feel alone and isolated. It’s a lie. We are part of the living Body of Christ. And, we get to worship Him together.

At that moment, I felt more akin to all of the people in the room, and the tribes they represent. We are truly a body with many pieces and I’m blessed to know them.

Nik Curfman 4/23/21 Nik Curfman 4/23/21

Journal: #264 Not A Business Partner

I’m not stupid or naive. I knew meetings happened without me. Whatever the rationale or cause, they decided four was enough. My only complaint is the lack of communication in regards to what happened. I love the men who employ me. They value integrity and honesty. I choose to honor them by believing they did not intend to leave me in dark.

I sat in a video meeting late yesterday afternoon. The sun was beginning to hide behind the treetops, and I wanted the call to end as soon as possible. Then, during a discussion on ad strategy, it happened. The four partners of the firm voted to buy new software. In doing so, they confirmed I was not one of them. I wasn’t a partner in the new agency despite my interest in it.

The new marketing company formed in March. Its purpose is to assist direct-to-customer businesses. Before formation, they approached me to gauge interest in a leadership role. Not long after the discussion the agency rolled into action. Business ensued, but the topic of the partnership was never mentioned again. So, I was a bit jarred by the casual exclusion displayed in our meeting.

I’m not stupid or naive. I knew meetings happened without me. Whatever the rationale or cause, they decided four was enough. My only complaint is the lack of communication in regards to what happened. I love the men who employ me. They value integrity and honesty. I choose to honor them by believing they did not intend to leave me in dark.

Here’s the rub: I don’t care. Well, part of me cares, and part of me does not. The insecure little boy inside my chest tries to make it about his self-worth. He wants to round up the suspects and demand answers, hold an interrogation. The grown-ass man confident in his abilities and future knows better. He doesn’t want a long-term future in marketing, so he’s not offended by his exclusion. There is no logic to my anger or feelings of rejection when I plan to leave as soon as possible.

In a small way, I’m happy I am not part of the partnership. 2019 and 2020 taught me about what partnership is and is not. Successful partnerships need a common purpose and vision. And, they live on a passion for the mission. My last partnership died because I didn’t have the same passion for the business my partner has. I have many other interests and passions. As a result, I was unwilling to make the sacrifices to be great. Jason will do whatever it takes to see his vision become reality. I am not. Same for any marketing business. It’s a means to an end. My end, of working for other people.

Today I understood the battle I’m in. It’s with me. I have a chance to beat down the insecure Nik. The insecure me longs to read into every slight and judge me as unworthy. I will not let it happen. My long-term vision does not have room for a marketing partnership. And, I will be gracious with my friends. Love is the ability to overcome mistakes, sins, and flaws with grace and kindness. I will love myself and my friends, because that’s what is important to me.

Thank you Jesus for road you led me down. I am no longer a child without purpose or vision. I am have both. Thank you for pointing out the pain I’ve held in my heart, and I let go of the rejection of being passed over.

Immediately after I posted this, I looked at the picture I chose for this post. At the time I picked it I knew it was a No Parking sign. I was drawn to the slash through the P, as in Not a Partner. But now I see it as a prophetic statement from the Lord. I’m not suppose to park my ass in this profession. This is a season of moving on and growing up. No time to sit still.

Nik Curfman 1/30/21 Nik Curfman 1/30/21

Journal: #191 My Old Friend Gratitude

The thing about being older is I appreciate what I have in this moment. More importantly, the Lord is my top priority and I love myself. I have vision for my life and all of this ups and downs are just part of the road. I’m not rushing to get to the next “thing.”

This week was a rollercoaster of snow, promotions, and looking into the dark unknown. I made a decision to stay with my parents for a few month as my dad begins cancer treatments. My marketing firm decided to promote me. Then there was the Snowpocalypse of 2021. Of course, all of this comes as COVID-19 isolation hangs over all of us. This week I had dinner with a friend, my only in person interaction of the week.

I’m thankful for technology. I’m thankful for text messages, Zoom meetings, emails, and clients who take time to ask how I’m doing. I reserve the bulk of my gratitude for my family and friends. Every day, they call or text. I may be isolated, but I am not alone.

And, I haven’t even gotten to the Holy Spirit.

This morning when I woke up, I was tired. I’ve stupidly binged the show The 100. (It’s not great. Not recommended.) Despite feeling strung out, the Lord met me in a way I didn’t expect. He took the gloomy bullshit I’ve battled all week, and sent it somewhere. For no good reason, I felt good and happy.

On my afternoon walk, for no reason at all, I started to recall specific memories from my mid-20’s to my mid-30’s. I’m not proud of that era of my life, and often think of it as a wasted period. I asked myself why are you thinking about these moments and people? The Holy Spirit answered me,”I love this period of your life.”

I was taken back. Why was the Lord proud of me? Hearing my thoughts, he answered,”You didn’t walk away. Despite not having a clear vision and hating parts of yourself, you stuck with Me. You wouldn’t be where you are without that stretch of your life. You had to go through it.”

As the Spirit spoke, the truth was apparent and plain. I did a lot of foundational work from age 25 to 33. I worked for an NGO in West Virginia, finished my bachelors degree, and started down the path toward mental and emotional health. I learned to set boundaries and value myself. I took risks, failed, and grew. Sound familiar?

God is good. Truly. Life is gonna suck somedays. The biggest choice any of us have is our focus. Do we look for what’s good in every moment, or are trained to judge and find flaws even in the best of times?

I’ve done enough bitching and complaining when life seems unfair. Bitterness is soul-sucking. Cynicism is the worst. His glory is present and alive in every atom of the universe, if only I open my eyes to see it. I wanna live and find life in every situation and in any room. I wanna see the Jesus in every person I meet and in me.

(Also, I made a dope new Stevie Wonder playlist on Spotify.)

Lord, thank you. For everything. Especially steaks and eggs and cheese. Amen.

Like this blog? Share it with people you love.

We and our partners use cookies to personalize your experience, to show you ads based on your interests, and for measurement and analytics purposes. By using our website and our services, you agree to our use of cookies as described in our Cookie Policy.

Nik Curfman 12/24/20 Nik Curfman 12/24/20

Journal: #156 Jesus The Teacher

I want to be this kind of crazy. I want to see what’s possible from rubble of life. I want to act on the impossible to see the goodness of the Lord showered on all people. From Luke 9 it’s clear. We’ve got to invite the Lord into all the places of our heart and lives.

The last month, I’ve read the Gospels in parallel. What that means is, for example, I read Matthew 9 on Monday, Mark 9 on Tuesday, and Luke 9 last night. Today I will read John chapter 9. I do this because I want to stay connected to what Jesus said and did on Earth, and to notice the differences between each version of His story.

The Gospels Are Good

I never fail to notice something new or interesting in my reading, even if I’ve read it before. Last week Luke 8 stood out. It’s the only Gospel that mentions the women who followed Jesus, and this is important. For starters, ancient writings- like those from highly regarded Greek philosophers like Aristotle and Plato- were not kind to women. Jesus was unique in regard and treatment of women in the ancient world*.

Jesus the Teacher

In reading Luke 9 last night, a sequence of events stood out. First, Jesus sent out His disciples to preach the Gospel and heal people. He gave them specific instructions in regard to faith and how to move on if people don’t like what they did. In verse 6, we are told they were successful. Next, we read the miracle story of Jesus feeding the 5,000.

Consider this, the disciples just finished a successful miracle healing tour. And now, they needed to feed a bunch of people. Their solution was to send the people into the nearby towns to eat and sleep. It’s not a bad solution, and very practical. But, Jesus ever the teacher, envisioned something else.

Jesus the Faithful

The disciples saw only what they had in hand, not what was possible. All their logic and wisdom told them five loaves of bread and two dead fish are not enough to feed 5,000 people. The math checks out. I would’ve replied as they did,”Hey Jesus, we don’t have it bro. Let’s send them away.”

I love how Jesus responded to their wisdom, “You feed them.” Classic Jesus. How many times does He say something ridiculous in response to a question? The answer is many. He’s crazy. For human eyes and human ears, and hearts focused on human means, Jesus is crazy.

He didn’t see five loaves and two fish. Jesus saw 5,000 people fed. Then He asked, “what do I have to get it done?” He created a place for the Father to provide, and it was more than enough.

I Want Crazy

Ridiculous faith requires a different kind of vision and action. It looks silly and talks silly, but lives like no one else. That’s what I want, and I aim to get.

Foot Notes:

*In fact, the way Jesus treated women and their role in the early church is remarkable considering how women are treated throughout history. Jesus never treated women as inferior or a “lesser vessel.”

It’s a topic I will discuss in greater detail next year, but consider this: the first person Jesus revealed Himself (a revelation) to after His resurrection was a woman. And then He told her to tell everyone else(preach and teach.) There’s nothing more you need to know about what role Jesus has for women in the church.

Lord, bless my heart and mind. Give me vision to see what’s possible from what I have. I do not lack, and I trust you to lead me into the impossible.

Amen.

Like this blog? Share it with people you love.

Nik Curfman 10/14/20 Nik Curfman 10/14/20

Daily Journal: #87 Coming Full circle

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy or content unless I’m radically pursuing Jesus. All of my other plans for business and life must bow to that reality. The rub is when I think I’ve got to make this radical life happen. I don’t. My calling is to show up everyday and pursue the Kingdom. Whatever I am, and whatever I become will be in the daily pursuit of Jesus.

LINKS

About

Walk in the Woods Blog

Marketing Services

The Power of Books

Have you ever read the first page of a book, and suddenly found yourself transported to another time of your life? It’s a bit like how a song or smell can define an era. The smell of frying bacon will always remind me my grandma Lean’s farm house, cigarette smoke on a crisp fall day a reminder of high school football in South Carolina, and You Found Me by The Fray will forever be associated with my time in West Virginia.

Books can transport me too, although not as often, and certainly not new books. I rarely re-read a book, so transportation to the past is rare. I do have two recent exceptions, Tattoos on the Heart by Greg Boyle and When Heaven Invades Earth by Bill Johnson. I have yet to finish Tattoos because I end up in a heap of tears and snot every three pages, and I just began WHIE to similar results.

There was a time in my life when I wanted the impossible and believed it was my destiny to walk in it. My first modern “hero of the faith” was Smith Wigglesworth, and my second is Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Both of these men walked in extreme faith to different ends. They represent the breadth of God, and His holistic Love for us.

Tattoos focuses my thoughts on the power of love, what patience and perseverance produces in our lives and the people we touch. The author, a Catholic priest, has spent his life ministering to the gang-infested neighborhoods of south-central Los Angeles. The book is essentially one love story after another, some of them quite tragic. It is the kind of love espoused by Dr King, where the miracle is in the doing, in the faith for the justice to come. It is the Love Jesus commanded us to pursue when He said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

WHIE pulls me back to twenty years ago when I wanted my life to be full of radically changed people, miracles on miracles, and life-giving prophetic words. I experienced some of it, but eventually settled for much less. I never lost my belief in such things, but I assumed I was not qualified to live that life. It stirred a jealousy in me I refused to admit until this past summer. I am only ten pages into it, but I already know what purpose the book serves in my life- to call me back to a higher plane with Him.

Back to the Start

Since I began this blog, I wandered what’s its purpose is. Since July (and originally on Tumblr), I’ve written a blog post nearly everyday, some days more than one. Until today, I wrote whatever came to mind to write. And today, even I write this post, I see now what the purpose of this blog is. As such, I see greater purpose for myself, for my walk with the Lord. And I glimpse the future to come.

I don’t think my story is unique. Many people, especially early in our lives, are excited about Jesus. We dream and imagine the Glory to come as we consume books and stories of our heroes. “I’m gonna be like them,” we say to ourselves. “I’m not going to sink into mediocre Christianity.” But most of us do. I did. I settled for less, took the corndog when I really wanted steak.

I sense, deep in my being, I have the unique opportunity to showcase what’s possible to those who settled like I once did. My heart has always been for my fellow Christians more than the lost. There are many frustrated Christians living a life well beneath what Jesus has for them. The purpose of this blog is to document one ordinary man’s journey back to the extraordinary. I want to be a sign post to my fellow Christians “YOU CAN DO THIS!”

The goodness of God is how He used my wandering. I didn’t waste twenty years. I’m glad I learned what Love is. I'm happy I mended roofs in the southern coal fields of West Virginia, waited tables in Charlotte, and slung technology by phone in California. And I find true joy is seeing how the Lord built my foundation. I have a foot on both the Glory of His miraculous Love, and the tender Loving Kindness He has for each and every person.

He is a God of miracles and justice. We need not settle for one or the other. Jesus said we would move mountain if only we have the faith and persistence to tell it to move. Many different types of mountains exist: racism, poverty, blindness, diabetes, depression, anxiety, jealousy, addictions, climate change, etc. We need not settle for one type of mountain or another. They all must melt before Him.

I’m enjoying my morning as I think about where I am in life. On paper I am a 40 year-old, single, white guy. But, that’s the way of the world. In the Kingdom, I’ve been trained for the last twenty years to be able to move mountains and encourage others to do the same- to pick up their callings and swords, to win the victories they were created to win. I’m back to where I started, more confident than ever.

Can’t Settle For Normal

Normal sucks, mostly. Can we agree on that? It’s safe, for certain, but it sucks. I have never been able to settle for normal. As my business coach put it “you torpedo everything normal because it’s not what your heart truly wants.” This morning as I read the first few pages of WHIE I came across something I’ve felt inside of me for a long time:

“It is abnormal for a Christian not to have an appetite for the impossible. It has been written into our spiritual DNA to hunger for the impossibilities around us to bow at the name of Jesus.”
When Heaven Invades Earth- Bill Johnson

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy or content unless I’m radically pursuing Jesus. All of my other plans for business and life must bow to that reality. The rub is when I think I’ve got to make this radical life happen. I don’t. My calling is to show up everyday and pursue the Kingdom. Whatever I am, and whatever I become will be in the daily pursuit of Jesus. I was not made to be my own Savior and Lord.

To this last point, I do find myself overwhelmed but only when I think it’s about me. Yesterday, I wrote about my fear of goal-setting, and when I think about trying to make everything happen at some distance point in the future I begin to sink. But life doesn’t happen all at once. I have today, and all I need to focus on is today. The Lord told me back in July to write and love the people in my orbit. I can do that. I am doing that.

It will be my pleasure and honor to document what’s about to happen in my life. I am wise enough to know it will have sh-tty moments, but there will be good stuff too- lot’s of miracles and healed hearts. Stick around. It’s going to get interesting.

Walk in the Woods

Vol II: #31 A Vision of Worship

Journal: #264 Not A Business Partner

Journal: #191 My Old Friend Gratitude

Like this blog? Share it with people you love.

Journal: #156 Jesus The Teacher

The Gospels Are Good

Jesus the Teacher

Jesus the Faithful

I Want Crazy

Foot Notes:

Like this blog? Share it with people you love.

Daily Journal: #87 Coming Full circle

The Power of Books

Back to the Start

Can’t Settle For Normal

Like this post? Share it with people you love.