Journal: #264 Not A Business Partner
I sat in a video meeting late yesterday afternoon. The sun was beginning to hide behind the treetops, and I wanted the call to end as soon as possible. Then, during a discussion on ad strategy, it happened. The four partners of the firm voted to buy new software. In doing so, they confirmed I was not one of them. I wasn’t a partner in the new agency despite my interest in it.
The new marketing company formed in March. Its purpose is to assist direct-to-customer businesses. Before formation, they approached me to gauge interest in a leadership role. Not long after the discussion the agency rolled into action. Business ensued, but the topic of the partnership was never mentioned again. So, I was a bit jarred by the casual exclusion displayed in our meeting.
I’m not stupid or naive. I knew meetings happened without me. Whatever the rationale or cause, they decided four was enough. My only complaint is the lack of communication in regards to what happened. I love the men who employ me. They value integrity and honesty. I choose to honor them by believing they did not intend to leave me in dark.
Here’s the rub: I don’t care. Well, part of me cares, and part of me does not. The insecure little boy inside my chest tries to make it about his self-worth. He wants to round up the suspects and demand answers, hold an interrogation. The grown-ass man confident in his abilities and future knows better. He doesn’t want a long-term future in marketing, so he’s not offended by his exclusion. There is no logic to my anger or feelings of rejection when I plan to leave as soon as possible.
In a small way, I’m happy I am not part of the partnership. 2019 and 2020 taught me about what partnership is and is not. Successful partnerships need a common purpose and vision. And, they live on a passion for the mission. My last partnership died because I didn’t have the same passion for the business my partner has. I have many other interests and passions. As a result, I was unwilling to make the sacrifices to be great. Jason will do whatever it takes to see his vision become reality. I am not. Same for any marketing business. It’s a means to an end. My end, of working for other people.
Today I understood the battle I’m in. It’s with me. I have a chance to beat down the insecure Nik. The insecure me longs to read into every slight and judge me as unworthy. I will not let it happen. My long-term vision does not have room for a marketing partnership. And, I will be gracious with my friends. Love is the ability to overcome mistakes, sins, and flaws with grace and kindness. I will love myself and my friends, because that’s what is important to me.
Thank you Jesus for road you led me down. I am no longer a child without purpose or vision. I am have both. Thank you for pointing out the pain I’ve held in my heart, and I let go of the rejection of being passed over.
Immediately after I posted this, I looked at the picture I chose for this post. At the time I picked it I knew it was a No Parking sign. I was drawn to the slash through the P, as in Not a Partner. But now I see it as a prophetic statement from the Lord. I’m not suppose to park my ass in this profession. This is a season of moving on and growing up. No time to sit still.
