Vol III: #47 Did I, Grow Up?

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As you may know, or perhaps you don’t, I am writing a novel. The process is slow and I spend more time pondering the story than writing it. This is good, I’m told. (I heard a lifelong artist say “an artist should spend more time observing than creating. Then each brush stroke will be made with an educated purpose.” This approach is good for writing too.) And, I since I realized a novel is nothing more than collection of short stories with a common cast of characters organized around a central plot, I spend a considerable amount of time thinking about my characters and how they interact with one another.

Tuesday, I sat down to write a pivotal part of the novel’s climax, and…it sucked. Oh, it sucked bad. The crucial chain of events made little sense to the rest of the novel, and the plot holes were staggering. And the dialogue? It was eight grade school play awful. The shame of such bad writing and composition set in mere minutes after I finished composing it.

I spent the next 24 hours doubting my ability to write a novel worth reading, though I never thought of giving it up. Then, a Holy thought formed in my mind. Write down your fears/disappointments and start over. So, I grabbed my notebook and jotted down my thoughts on what I wrote. Afterward, I took my pen and slashed through eight pages of garbage, ready to start again.

Believe it or not, a moment like the one I had this week- some bad writing or a wrong brush stroke- has derailed me in the past. I have dozens of unfinished projects because I couldn’t handle my mistakes. My mistakes were seen as a judgement on my ability and talent. But you know? I’m learning. Bad writing is part of the process of becoming a good writer. And, I’m not done with my mistakes. Creative people must be able to work through bad choices and missteps. So, I must learn to keep moving/writing/sculpting. And, I think I have.

Feels good to grow up.

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Vol III: #24 Is That Word For You?

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Not all sermons and teachings are applicable to every person in the audience. Some people need to be humbled while others need to be built up. But, in some cases, insecure people tend to over apply every sermon to their lives while the confident(re: arrogant) tend to brush off rebukes. These dynamics are fun to observe but can have consequences for the immature Christian.

One aspect of my job as a marketing professional is trying to find the right audience(s) for my clients. The more experienced business owners understand this concept while the newbies tend to want to sell their product or service to everyone, which is completely stupid when you think about it. What they mean is they are willing to do business with anyone. And, they will learn not everyone wants to do business with them. The simple truth is the more we understand our audience, the more effective we can be with our messages. A techie in San Francisco probably isn’t the target market for a tractor manufacturer, but a farmer in Iowa is. Likewise, the farmer in Iowa has little use for Uber in his small town.

When I think about church and all the people who walk through the doors, any given sermon will only hit home for a fraction of the audience. You know what I mean. We’ve all sat in a room and thought “what does this have to do with me?” and/or “oh man, this message is exactly what I needed to hear.” In both cases, someone likely had the opposite reaction. Preachers and teacher who never learn to serve the audience tend to attract like-minded folks, ie hardcore turn-or-burn preachers will have a congregation full of hardcore/inflexible members, and “seeker friendly” pastors tend to have flocks of spineless sheep. A more mature leader will read the room and partner with the Holy Spirit.

As an audience member, I take responsibility for what I allow in my ears. In my 20’s, I would’ve crucified myself whenever an evangelist spoke. These salespeople of the Gospel (I write that with all respect and not as a dig) are usually confident and very black or white. They preach with conviction and see only one path in the Kingdom; get saved and get others saved. And, they know the exact why every Christian should act and behave and if you don’t agree you’re wrong. But after years of searching, I’m not that cat. I’ve shared my testimony with people, but I’ll never setup shop on a street corner or pass out tracts. I’m built for relationships and growth. Accordingly, whenever I hear an evangelist rail on about fulfilling the Great Commission, I take it in. Then I sift the message for parts I can apply to who the Lord calls me to be*.

To get back to my original point, whenever you read the Bible or listen to a sermon, take a moment to consider the intended audience and the person preaching it. And do as Paul recommended, test every word, sermon, and teaching. Some of them aren’t for you and that’s ok. Some of them are. And as speakers, let us remember that “being all things to all people” does not mean preaching the exact same message to everyone we meet. (This is where being led by the Holy Spirit becomes vital.)

Note* I do not dismiss the speaker or everything they said. The church needs evangelists, every single one. And, I’d agree with the idea that all of us need to be prepared and ready to share the Gospel and our testimony. I’m just not going to make a “prophetic shopping list,” ever. (This was a suggestion by one of the evangelist I heard last year. Sorry, dude. I’m a hunter. I go to Trader Joe’s, get what I need, and leave in under ten minutes. And, I never randomly talk to strangers.)

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Journal: #264 Not A Business Partner

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I sat in a video meeting late yesterday afternoon. The sun was beginning to hide behind the treetops, and I wanted the call to end as soon as possible. Then, during a discussion on ad strategy, it happened. The four partners of the firm voted to buy new software. In doing so, they confirmed I was not one of them. I wasn’t a partner in the new agency despite my interest in it.

The new marketing company formed in March. Its purpose is to assist direct-to-customer businesses. Before formation, they approached me to gauge interest in a leadership role. Not long after the discussion the agency rolled into action. Business ensued, but the topic of the partnership was never mentioned again. So, I was a bit jarred by the casual exclusion displayed in our meeting.

I’m not stupid or naive. I knew meetings happened without me. Whatever the rationale or cause, they decided four was enough. My only complaint is the lack of communication in regards to what happened. I love the men who employ me. They value integrity and honesty. I choose to honor them by believing they did not intend to leave me in dark.

Here’s the rub: I don’t care. Well, part of me cares, and part of me does not. The insecure little boy inside my chest tries to make it about his self-worth. He wants to round up the suspects and demand answers, hold an interrogation. The grown-ass man confident in his abilities and future knows better. He doesn’t want a long-term future in marketing, so he’s not offended by his exclusion. There is no logic to my anger or feelings of rejection when I plan to leave as soon as possible.

In a small way, I’m happy I am not part of the partnership. 2019 and 2020 taught me about what partnership is and is not. Successful partnerships need a common purpose and vision. And, they live on a passion for the mission. My last partnership died because I didn’t have the same passion for the business my partner has. I have many other interests and passions. As a result, I was unwilling to make the sacrifices to be great. Jason will do whatever it takes to see his vision become reality. I am not. Same for any marketing business. It’s a means to an end. My end, of working for other people.

Today I understood the battle I’m in. It’s with me. I have a chance to beat down the insecure Nik. The insecure me longs to read into every slight and judge me as unworthy. I will not let it happen. My long-term vision does not have room for a marketing partnership. And, I will be gracious with my friends. Love is the ability to overcome mistakes, sins, and flaws with grace and kindness. I will love myself and my friends, because that’s what is important to me.

Thank you Jesus for road you led me down. I am no longer a child without purpose or vision. I am have both. Thank you for pointing out the pain I’ve held in my heart, and I let go of the rejection of being passed over.

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Immediately after I posted this, I looked at the picture I chose for this post. At the time I picked it I knew it was a No Parking sign. I was drawn to the slash through the P, as in Not a Partner. But now I see it as a prophetic statement from the Lord. I’m not suppose to park my ass in this profession. This is a season of moving on and growing up. No time to sit still.

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