Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 9/5/23 Nik Curfman 9/5/23

Short: Jake and Kara

Jake And Kara. A divorced couple with kids.

Jake glanced at his phone impatiently, then leaned forward over his steering wheel to get a better view of the storm clouds rushing his way. If the dumb bitch doesn’t get here soon, it’ll rain on the kids, he fumed. After another glance at his phone, the first fat drops began to splatter onto the roof and windshield of his truck before giving way to a full downpour. She’ll blame it on the rain, he concluded and he cracked a window to keep from fogging up. The storm dumped puddles and formed streams all over the McDonald’s parking lot. Jake had parked closer to the frontage road for this reason. His truck was soaked but clear of standing water. His boots would remain dry, and Kara couldn’t complain. And an hour after the agreed upon time, she pulled into the space across from Jake, the storm still at work. Jake stepped out the truck into the onslaught and Kara motioned to him and mouthed words. And she started as soon as he opened the passenger door.

“I’m not forcing the kids out in this. Just sit with us,” she snapped.

Jake thought about needling her over the lost hour but tried to keep it civil. He turned to his children in the back seat. Kyle, age six, and Mary Lee, age four smiled at him and Jake broke into a grin. “Really coming down, huh?” he said to the back seat. “I want ice cream,” Kyle said as he looked through the rain to the bright arches. “Me too,” chimed Mary Lee, playfully kicking her feet.

“Well damn Jake. Nice to see you too. You sober?” came a low hiss from the driver seat. Jake closed his eyes and then opened them on the driver, holding her gaze. Then a new grin appeared on his lips and with his eyes trained on Kara he asked, “How’s the arm Kyle?”

“Good. Doctor Simpkins says I’m better than ever.” replied his son.

“Good to hear Kyle. Glad you’re all healed up,” Jake smarted.

Kara turned her eyes to the rain pounding Jake’s truck, then let out a soft “jackass.”

While it’s true, Jake was not sober the night Kyle broke his arm, Kara was the one responsible for the accident. And Jake had yet to schedule a court date to bring this to the attention of Judge Bellancourt. Kara still believed Jake was taking his time. Had Jake been the parent responsible for the broken arm, she would’ve sued for sole custody, visitation up to her petty whims. Had she known he was tired of court and broke, she might have pushed her luck. Had she known it wasn’t alcohol, she would’ve made his life miserable.

After that night, Jake made new rules for himself. No weed when the kids are with me and none before they go to bed. Once they’re in bed, I can cut lose, he decided. On the day Kyle broke his arm, Jake had been high since his morning coffee. And when he arrived in the emergency room, he reeked of sour cannabis smoke and his eyes were so bloodshot. A nurse asked if he had pink eye. And though he was stoned, the question yanked Jake from his stupor into an all out panic. Under the guise of going for food, he made a quick dash to the TJ Maxx down the street from the hospital for a shirt and some deodorant.

That day at the hospital, Kara was wreck. Between hysteric sobs and whispers of regret, her heart spun out of control. And on top of feeling like a terrible mother and worried about the looming wrath of her ex-husband, she was drunk. Earlier in the day, Kara had polished off a bottle of chardonnay. Between baking brownies and watching her favorite reality show, she’d lost track of Kyle. He was upstairs playing cave explorer. And just about as she was about to check Instagram, a shriek pierced her spine and shot adrenaline through her veins. Without thinking, she’d bolted upstairs and scooped Kyle off his bedroom floor and raced back downstairs, all while asking what happened and trying to comfort her injured son.

Neither parent noticed the intoxication of the other in the Emergency Room but Kara’s mother did. And she waited until the the next day to scold Kara and tattle on Jake. “I don’t know what’s worse Kara Lee, you or him, or your son. We spent all that money get you married and then divorced. And this is how you parent?” chided Alice during one of many lectures that followed.

Jake’s phoned buzzed.

“Got a hot date?” Kara sniped. Jake let the phone continue to buzz until the call rolled to voice mail, then turned back to his children.

“What kind of ice cream do you want Mary Lee?” he asked his daughter.

“SWIRL!” she squeaked at an ear-piercing decibel, then began to dance in her car seat.

“Me too.” Added Kyle, still staring at the arches, the rain beginning to ease into a drizzle.

Silence filled the front seat, and the man with an ex-wife and two young children thought of ways to embarrass Kara, then pushed it out of his mind. For all the hurt and lies, what he wanted was peace. And a tension filled peace would do since no other would come. And she sensed his eyes on her cheek, a feeling once longed for now sent her into a rage. What right did he have to look at me? But she remained quiet.

“Alright, y’all. We ready to go?” Jake asked as the clouds turned from purple to gray, a few shafts of sunlight breaking through.

“Yeah!” yipped both kids in unison. And he opened his door to step outside.

A few moments later, Kara watched Jake drive up to the speaker box beside the menu board. This is my life she thought, then closed her eyes and drew a deep breath. She dreaded the drive home, to her empty home. And then Jake pulled around the restaurant out of sight.

Nik Curfman 2/18/21 Nik Curfman 2/18/21

Journal: #209 Not My(Dating) Story PT. 4

The difference is Mike believes in himself in way I couldn’t understand- until recently. He believed he could be successful at something despite a huge failure. I find it utterly amazing. That’s what I want for my life. No failure is too great if I keep moving.

Last year, I failed. I had want I wanted. She didn’t want me. So, I’m gonna be like Mike. I’m gonna keep trucking, and believe in who the Lord created me to be.

This is the fourth and final installment of my dating stories meant to encourage myself and other single people. In the intro I wrote about my heart break last this year. Part 1 is about Bob and his path to Kelly. Bob overcame his pain and cynicism to go after Kelly, and they are wonderful together. Part 2 looks at Phil, and his long winding path to marriage. He was patient. It paid off. Part 3 is the tale of Willie, his divorce, and faith in the Lord.

When Mike married Janet it was a glorious spring afternoon. The real highlight was the surprise/drunk bagpipe player hired to play amazing grace for the ceremony. Mike and Janet were solid through all types of adversity. And, then they weren’t.

College Sweethearts

I met Mike twenty years ago at his house just before he married Janet. They were college sweethearts and looked the part. Mike was and remains a bit on the reserved side. He prefers to hang back while Janet bounces around every room she enters. They played music together and dreamed of touring the country.

Solid, Right?

Mike and Janet didn’t just dream of making music and touring the country. They did it. Mike produce an album while still in college. After they married, the Janet began to make appearances on following albums. The pair then started writing songs together, and produced a few more albums. In the summer of 2007, they got to do what they dreamed of doing- tour the country.

Not long after the tour Janet became pregnant with their first child, a boy. The pregnancy was hard on Janet’s narrow body. She pull through but it was a traumatizing moment. Mike supported Janet the way you’d think a husband should. They even let several needy friends crash in their spare room for a bit.

Mike and Janet remained a strong couple in my community. They hosted parties and held people accountable. Their door was always open, and MySpace proved they lacked for nothing. Their music never hit the charts, but they seemed fine with it. Life is more than music.

Child No. 2

In a way, Mike and Janet’s daughter was a miracle. Mike and Janet did not plan to have a second child based on their experience with the first. They put several measures in place to ensure Janet would not become pregnant. (Their daughter is proof no birth control is 100% affective.)

The pregnancy was not the hurdle the second time around. The developing baby girl had a heart defect, which would require surgery with days of birth. Most children are born with great joy. Their daughter was not. Two days later she had open heart surgery, then again a few months later. I lost count how many she had in total, but it was a lot.

I Don’t Know What Happened

I can’t say what cracked Mike and Janet. I know every couple struggles at some point and weaknesses. The head-scratcher is Mike and Janet were often vulnerable about the difficulties and hurdles they face. I thought they were one of the healthy couples. I thought they’d make it. I should’ve notice when they “took a break” from playing music. Something was off.

They’ll Work It? No, They Will Not

Mike and Janet separated around the same time Willie and Amy did. Along with my personal issues, my community was falling apart. (Willie and Amy were never the solid couple Mike and Janet were.) I somewhat expected Willie and Amy to divorce, but not Mike and Janet. I thought they’d find their way back to each other.

They did not.

Since it’s mostly rumors and one-sided stories (from Mike), I will forgo details. It’s my view they both gave up, and likely for different reasons. I knew it was over when Mike began to openly expressed his anger at Janet, and when Janet posted “You gotta grow up sometime” to Facebook. Whatever happened, they did not want to stay married to each other.

Mike Moves On

After the divorce, Mike didn’t take long to move on. I don’t think he was looking for his next wife, but he found Lydia on a dance floor in the NoDa neighborhood of north Charlotte. She is kind and quiet like Mike. I always get a kick out of the fact that she kinda looks like Janet, but that’s where the similarities end.

Lydia is a hero is my book. She started dating Mike during a nasty divorce, and became an all-star stepmother to his two kids. She accepted and loves Mike for who is. For me, it was good to see. I needed to see a woman love an imperfect man the way she did.

Mike Just Keeps Being Mike

What I love and admire about Mike is he who is. He’s always been a bit quiet. He’s always written and played music. I hope he never stops. It’s who he is. I’m sure some part of him would love to make money playing music, but he hasn’t let a lack of commercial success stop him. I am still struggling to get started doing what I love. Mike never stopped. Even in the middle his divorce he put out one of the most honest and raw albums I’ve ever heard.

A God of Redemption

I choose to believe most people mean “I do” the day they get married. So I can’t imagine the heartbreak of a divorce. I can’t imagine what it’s like to build a life, to overcome so much adversity the way Mike and Janet did, only to throw in the towel. Some part of me feels like it’s a waste. Didn’t they love each other? Yes. I think they did.

Last year taught me love isn’t enough. Marriage require something more, call it grit, fight, or stubbornness. I think at some point Mike and Janet ran out of juice. They were empty, and it’s a bad place to be when life slaps at our face. We all need Jesus at our center. We need His word in our heart. The other person should never have to lift that burden.

Where I find encouragement in Mike’s story is he kept trucking. At at time when I questioned marriage he got married, had kids, got divorced, and remarried. On some level, that’s faith in the Holy Spirit. I can barely date someone new years after a break up, and this dude is out there getting remarried? Maybe, I’m wrong.

Last year, I failed. I had want I wanted. She didn’t want me. So, I’m gonna be like Mike. I’m gonna keep trucking, and believe in who the Lord created me to be.

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Nik Curfman 1/28/21 Nik Curfman 1/28/21

Journal: #189 Not My(Dating) Story PT. 3

Willie is a sexy man. I write this without shame or hesitation. He’s athletic, charming, and possesses a strong jawline. I like to watch heads turn whenever he walks through a crowd of people. In another life, he could’ve been a male model after his soccer career.

This is the third installment of my dating stories meant to encourage myself and other single people. In the intro I wrote about my heart break earlier this year. Part 1 is about Bob and his path to Kelly. Bob overcame his pain and cynicism to go after Kelly, and they are wonderful together. Part 2 looks at Phil, and his long winding path to marriage. He was patient. It paid off.

Dating is an introduction. It’s often misleading. No amount of dating can prepare someone for marriage. This next narrative is rough and heart-breaking, but ultimately ends in redemption. Part 3 is the story of Willie.

Willie Is That Dude

What I love about the attention he receives is Willie doesn’t care about his affect on women. He loves Jesus with all his heart, and decided to spend his life pointing the youth and young adults to the Lord. I first met Willie in a laundry room of a working class apartment complex. He was teaching Bible verses to the kids assembled there.

Willie Meets Amy

Willie met Amy at friend’s house. After a few group hangs, they began to date. By all accounts, it was a great match. He was a dashing young minister, and she a beautiful budding artist. They were married about 18 months after they started dating.

(Before I go on I want to say something. The rest of the tale of Willie and Amy is ugly, and I experienced Willie’s side of it. Every marriage and relationship involves two people. Two people have issues. Two people contribute to disfunction. The only path to stay together is when two people decided to commit to their marriage and find answers to the problems that plague them.)

No Happy ever After

According to Willie, his marriage encountered its first major hurdles on their honeymoon. Like good church folk, they smiled in public while trying to work it out in the dark. They tried counseling and read books. Nothing working. No magic key existed.

Their Hail Mary came in the form of their daughter Madison. In truth, when they had Madison, the situation only worsened. Willie tried to soothe his shame by ministering more than ever, went to counseling twice a week, and prayed every prayer possible to keep his marriage alive.

At this point in the story, I’m not sure what effort Amy made to save her marriage. I do know via social media she stopped using her married name long before the divorce was finalized. In my mind, she gave up.

From Bad to Worse

To add insult to injury, Amy filed emergency paperwork to have the courts consider Willie an unfit parent. She said he was abusive and a drunk. The court filings said his friends were alcoholics. Though not named, I was one of those people. I was not an alcoholic, but, that’s not the real travesty.

No one who spent five minutes with Willie and his daughter Madison would question their bond, his love for her, or his devotion to her safety and well-being. Amy used the courts to stick it to Willie in the worst possible ways. The marriage burned to the ground, but don’t take his daughter away. It took me years to forgive her for it.

Is Marriage Really Worth It?

At the same time Willie and Amy were suffering through the end of a difficult marriage, I was struggling too. I reeled from an abusive relationship and questioned why anyone would get married. The price appeared to be too high and rewards too slight. I didn’t have the ability to believe in the goodness of God. The lack of healthy marriages around me didn’t help.

Willie The Gracious

After the divorce, Willie suffered. He had to fight legal battle after legal battle. He was forced to step down from a leadership position at an NGO, learned to code, and continued therapy.

Despite all of it, he kept his faith in the Lord. At one of the lowest points in his journey through this hell, he said something I’ll never forget. During a custody hearing, a witness for his ex-wife took the stand and lied. A lot. Willie was angry, and knew enough about the witness to destroy her credibility to the judge. All he needed to do was lean over, whisper the sins of the witness to his lawyer, and let him pick this woman apart.

When I asked Willie why he didn’t do it, he said the words forever etched into my mind. “I didn’t want to win that way. I didn’t want to win by ruining someone’s life. It might take longer, but I trust the Lord to defend me.” I was floored. In the middle of a nasty custody battle, with the ashes of his marriage still on his heart, Willie had the grace to love his enemy.

Trusting the Lord: Faith

As the next year unfolded, Willie won small custody battles, began to minister again, and met Laura.

It was only about a year from the time they met until when they got married on a chilly Tennessee evening. In my mind, they married fast- Willie and Laura. I wondered if Willie acted hastily. The reports I got about Laura said she was sheltered woman who rarely dated. Perhaps like Amy, she idolized Willie.

I’ve never been more happy to be wrong. Laura is a human, which means she has flaws. In more Biblical terms, she is a blessing and the partner Willie needed. They minister as a team, and have similar vision for their lives. More importantly, they love each other. Willie and Laura face challenges instead of run from them.

A God of Redemption

As an observer of Willie’s life, I’m amazed by the grace and mercy of the Lord in his life. He said his forever “I do” to Amy, and believed his word was true. No one at that wedding envisioned the the struggle ahead, the contentious divorce, or horrid custody battle. In the aftermath, I couldn’t see how he’d move forward from the devastation. I’m not sure Willie did either.

What he had, and still has, is constant connection to the Holy Spirit. His heart broke. I was there. I saw it. But, he stood tall in the Spirit. He trusts the Lord to bring him better days when life sucks, and I’m blessed to be a witness.

I Trust the Lord, Not an Outcome

Last year, I thought I found my forever woman, but I was the only one. The breakup crushed my heart, and it’s still tough for me to imagine something better. That’s why I’m thankful I have Willie as an example in my life. I refuse to be motivated by anger. Instead, I want to lean into the Lord, and trust Him to bring me to someone better. Whoever she is.

Lord…thank you for Willie, Laura, and even Amy. I’m grateful to watch how you redeem the broken and heal our hearts. I’ve seen your grace and gentle glory rest on my friends. Thank you. Thank you for hearing my prayers for Willie to bring him someone like Laura. Thank you that she’s any amazing wife to him. Bless them both.

Amen.