Journal: #148 Not My(Dating) Story PT. 2

Daily Journal

Dec 15

This is the second installment of my dating stories meant to encourage myself and other single people. In the intro I wrote about my heart break earlier this year. Part 1 is about Bob and his path to Kelly. Bob overcame his pain and cynicism to go after Kelly, and they are wonderful together.

Dating isn’t easy. There’s no perfect person. But, God is good. Take heart. Part 2 is the story of Phil, my Australian brother.

As we shuffled into the elevator, Phil turned to me and in a playfully serious tone said,”Be prepared. Emma isn’t like anyone I’ve ever dated.” In the 13 years we knew each other, Phil rarely prepared me to meet one of his girlfriends. They came and went, and most of the time I didn’t know their names. For whatever reason Emma was unique, and Phil wanted me to meet her.

Phil Is The Man

Phil is a man’s man, a Hemingway character come to life. He’s from Oz (the aforementioned Australia), climbs mountains, drinks like a sailor, and oozes confidence. He knows karate and speaks his mind. And as if he needed it, the accent made him irresistible to the ladies.

I met Phil in the summer of 2003, and instantly felt inferior. He was everything I wasn’t but wanted to be. My life seemed to be falling apart at every turn, and he never lost he cool. In truth, Phil face as much or more adversity as I did during those days. He just knew how to navigate it.

We met because I took an internship at his school. I’m thankful I was given the opportunity to work for Phil. He’s one of those people God used to flip my life from one path to another. He showed me what grace looks like- when one person allows another to be imperfect. Through Phil, the Lord began to build in me the concept of love we know as agape love. It is deep, and doesn’t need emotion to endure.

I don’t know where I’d be without my friend Phil.

The Dating and Waiting

Like I mentioned earlier, Phil rarely talked about his lady friends. His dating pattern was consistent, date and move on to the next. Before Emma, I recall one serious interest: Becca. They seemed to be a good fit. They both loved being outside, and she could handle his bravado. The only problem was she didn’t want him.

At the time when Becca said no to Phil, he was 35. I know what that feels like. Rejected at 25 sucks, but you pick yourself up. At 35, it’s natural to wonder “is this gonna happen for me.” I’m sure Phil had those thoughts. It’s tempting to get desperate. Phil didn’t.

He met Emma 10 years later.

Emma Is Different

Unlike Bob and Kelly, I would not have put Phil and Emma together. She’s from Texas, neat, orderly, and believes in etiquette. Her politics are on the right side of center while Phil maintains his more socialistic Aussie values. And, she’s a bit younger than him…by 15 years. Despite all of it, they are perfect together.

I want to clarify. They are not perfect, but they are meant for each other. Who could’ve seen it coming? I didn’t. Phil didn’t. When Becca rejected Phil, Emma was a teenager. Yet, this is God’s goodness too.

Weird Encouragement

When I start to sink under the weight of dating self-pity, I think about Phil. Even before he met Emma, I’d think “Phil is nine years older than me. I can make it too.” Now that he’s married I still take comfort in the knowledge a man as awesome as Phil was single into his late 40’s. (Sh*t, I’ve known lesser men to who were married, divorced, and remarried before Phil made it to the alter.)

What I love about Phil’s story is his patience. He didn’t rush the groove, because Lord knows he did not lack opportunity. On the other side, I know people who did rushed into marriage, and they suffered the consequences of impatience.

The True Lesson

The tricky part is what we label as patience. Sometimes we call fear patience. We pass on something good because we are broken and afraid to fail. But, when our heart is united with His we let go of anxiety and pain. What that looks like can be getting married at 18 or 45.

The biggest open secret in the Universe is this: When we let go of control and let the Lord lead, our lives with twist and churn, and are greater than we could plan. Following the Lord, running after His best, isn’t a formula. It’s a relationship based on trust and faith.

Be like Phil. Follow the Lord. Let Him lead. Stay patient. He’s got your back.

Lord, thank you for Phil. His influence in my life is without equal. Thank you for rewarding his trust and patience in You. And thank you for allowing me to see it.

Amen.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process.

https://fearlessgrit.com