Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 5/12/21 Nik Curfman 5/12/21

Journal: #279 Imposter Syndrome

If you read this blog you know I’m up and down. But, I show up. I write even if I have nothing to say or my words fail sense of perfection. I write anyway. I pray anyway. I journal and diet anyway. What a gift. By that, I mean to say, what an opportunity.

Last week I listening to marketing guru Seth Godin discuss the craft. If you don’t know, Seth Godin is to marketing what Beatles are to music in the 20th Century. He helped turn Yahoo into one the most trafficee websites in the world. He’s the gold standard, and what he says about the trade is insightful and challenging. If I could recommend a daily read for my customers it is Godin’s blog.

What I love about Mr Godin is he gets it. He understands products and services need to serve people. And better the product the more happy customers ate created. From this perspective, business becomes flexible and mimics a true relationship. Marketing isn’t about slamming slogans and features. Marketing is a feedback loop.

The most difficult part of marketing is the creative aspect. How does a brand communicate its story and purpose, especially small or new businesses? Where do we capture the attention of a potential customer? What methods and style does our marketing respond to? It’s a dizzying dance. I was once a team who spent a month revising a few facebook. The discussions unloved such topics as “should we use animated copy (letters that move)” and “which shade of fusia is best for women 24-38 in metro areas?” I wanted to crawl in a hole, mostly because I didn’t like the campaign approach. And, after listening to Seth speak, I think he’d agree with me.

Toward the end of his talk Mr Godin spoke on the topic of creative in marketing. My ears perked when he touched on the subject of Imposter Syndrome. Since last summer, nearly every work day, that’s me. I’m a newbie in the marketing world, but I want to deliver a healthy return for my clients. Thankfully, I work with a supportive team. They get it.

There’s one line from Seth’s brief discussion of feeling like a fraud: Imposter Syndrome is proof your pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, and doing the work. To be vulnerable, that’s how feel about most of my life. I’ve been pushed and stretched, and the Lord challenged me to stay the course.

This morning I wondered what my life would’ve been if I were still in a relationship. It’s impossible to say. Would I be on the verge of being a full-time investor? Would I have found the courgage to write? To dive deeper into the Lord? It’s possible. But I’m thankful for the chance to start over. I got to reset my life with minimal impact to a wife or family. If anything, I owe myself, my future family, and the Lord my best effort. The more I push myself through imposter syndrome now, the more I will be able to focus on them later.

What a gift.

Nik Curfman 4/5/21 Nik Curfman 4/5/21

Abstract: A Gift For Both Of Us

Whoever falls in love with my heart,

The one who won’t let go,

She’ll enjoy the best me.

When I was a chubby child,

yearning to be loved,

I thought of Natalee.

She was the standard,

of beauty and brains.

Naturally, I did nothing with my crush of feelings,

I let her slip away.

I was ashamed of who I was,

my clothes,

And, my church.

Nothing about me was good enough for her,

A lie that dictated my life,

Far too long.

Then there was Mary,

Cathy,

Heather,

Faith,

Alison,

and some others.

Each one of them experienced the fake me,

The imposter,

Desperately trying to be anyone else.

To be confident, brash, strong,

Prepared, and wealthy.

Now, I’m a man,

still kinda chubby,

No crushes to endure at the moment.

But, my praise rises to heaven,

as I consider the hell I was saved from,

because I’m not yet married.

She would’ve married an insecure boy,

a loving person,

but an imposter nonetheless.

She would’ve had to endure his flops and anger,

his sudden changes and emotional outbursts,

his self-loathing insecurity.

God’s Grace,

no woman will have to endure or persevere,

The worst of me.

Whoever falls in love with my heart,

The one who won’t let go,

She’ll enjoy the best me.

A gift to us both.

Nik Curfman 11/8/20 Nik Curfman 11/8/20

Abstraction: 40 Years A Gift

Like I said, I love me. And I wouldn’t be me without all that.

I paid a steep price to stand, and reflect, and love the person I see in front of me.

Indeed, without question or hesitation…I’d absolutely pay that price again.

I’m worth it.

I’m standing on my side of the mirror, to see the me I am at 40.

I’ve traded my respectable high fade for shoulder length locks.

My cheeks, once plump, seem to disappear behind my uncut beard.

I am thinner now than ever before, a symbol of something greater than a few lost pounds.

I stare into my eyes, my wonderful blue eyes, and brush the steaks of tears from my face.

I love who I am.

Standing in front of myself, I think about my life. Neither the good or the bad, I wouldn’t trade a single moment for another.

Even more, I’d do it all over again.

Every failure, every heart break, every single second of anguish and suicidal loneliness?

Yes.

I’d do it again.

Each trial and every battle is now a stone on which I rise.

I wouldn’t know what I know, have the faith I carry, or overflow with love without them.

I’d drink till I pass out, pretend to be someone I’m not, and steal food from work.

I’d drift from job to job, and date the drug addict.

I’d spend hours screaming in the dark for answers and wondering why I don’t fit in.

I’d trust the Spirit, and reject Pride.

I’d choose Love over Shame.

I’d stick to my promise to follow Him.

Like I said, I love me. And I wouldn’t be me without all that.

I paid a steep price to stand, and reflect, and love the person I see in front of me.

Indeed, without question or hesitation…I’d absolutely pay that price again.

I’m worth it.

(One of the greatest gifts of my life is to see my life as a gift. Even the messy bits polite people would rather forget.)

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