Abstraction: 40 Years A Gift

Abstraction
Written By Nik Curfman

I’m standing on my side of the mirror, to see the me I am at 40.

I’ve traded my respectable high fade for shoulder length locks.

My cheeks, once plump, seem to disappear behind my uncut beard.

I am thinner now than ever before, a symbol of something greater than a few lost pounds.

I stare into my eyes, my wonderful blue eyes, and brush the steaks of tears from my face.

I love who I am.

Standing in front of myself, I think about my life. Neither the good or the bad, I wouldn’t trade a single moment for another.

Even more, I’d do it all over again.

Every failure, every heart break, every single second of anguish and suicidal loneliness?

Yes.

I’d do it again.

Each trial and every battle is now a stone on which I rise.

I wouldn’t know what I know, have the faith I carry, or overflow with love without them.

I’d drink till I pass out, pretend to be someone I’m not, and steal food from work.

I’d drift from job to job, and date the drug addict.

I’d spend hours screaming in the dark for answers and wondering why I don’t fit in.

I’d trust the Spirit, and reject Pride.

I’d choose Love over Shame.

I’d stick to my promise to follow Him.

Like I said, I love me. And I wouldn’t be me without all that.

I paid a steep price to stand, and reflect, and love the person I see in front of me.

Indeed, without question or hesitation…I’d absolutely pay that price again.

I’m worth it.

(One of the greatest gifts of my life is to see my life as a gift. Even the messy bits polite people would rather forget.)

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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