Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 4/4/23 Nik Curfman 4/4/23

Vol III: #73 New New Goals

Going forward, the plan is to pay my dues and learn and grow. I’m not going to be one of those people who tried to do something for a while and gave up. I’m not going to stop because I’m too old or was undeveloped. I will run my race and I will finish it.

At the start of the year I wrote about my goals. I described my intent to write my first book and finish a massive sculpture. Those are still my goals, and I will complete them one day, replete with champaign toasts and fireworks display. But it will not be this year. Instead, I decided to deepen my foundation in the fundamentals of both endeavors. I’m gonna draw thousands of circles, spheres, and landscapes and spend the next year writing short stories. To support these goals, I enrolled in classes. As they say, “it’s important to put skin in the game.”

The reason why I took a step back is I want to have a solid foundation as an artist and author. Part of the reason I’m a good cook today is because I’ve taken time to learn the basics like cutting vegetables, layering flavors, and accounting for my environment (every kitchen is different.) And I built myself as a cook by cooking every day, with intention. I don’t carelessly through ingredients in a pan hoping for the best, rather I test and taste and adjust. A month ago I made a pot of beans. They were delicious except for the beans were a tad under cooked. No worries, I simply cooked my latest batch for 15 more minutes, stirring more than previously to ensure the top beans were as tender as the beans on the bottom. And I want to bring this approach to my most desired trades.

The world of drawing and painting and sculpture is full of textures, materials, and techniques. The simple mixing of oil paints is skill requiring years to properly master. I can barely draw a circle at the moment. So my choices are either to insist on being great now or learning to be great over the coming decades. It’s a maturity and perspective I wish I had ten or twenty years ago. Thankfully, I have it today. While I have a time to be broke and time to develop.

Nik Curfman 6/21/22 Nik Curfman 6/21/22

Vol II: #83 New Years

I’m a big fan of data. Hidden behind numbers and trends is a story, a story often undetected during the course of a normal day. But, sometimes it’s more apparent. Sometimes, it’s painfully, obviously apparent.

The year I published 330 blogs was a watershed moment into how I operate and what I need to make something real in my life. That’s the obvious data point. For me, Nik, a week or month or two months is not enough time to establish a behavior in my life. Apparently, I need a whole year of intentional devotion to a task. With this in mind, I am turning my attention to new project: drawing.

Drawing is the basic skill of an artist and I need/want to grow my skills. There’s nothing worse than an idea or concept trapped in my head because my hands can’t keep up. And buddy, I’ve got ideas a plenty. So, starting today, I will produce a drawing every single day for 365 days. (Ok. Probably more like 330 for the sake of travel, holidays, illness, etc.) The quality and subject matter is less important than the doing. For now, I need to make art production an everyday part of my life. It’s not a hobby to me and I want to develop into a competent artist. So, I need to treat it more like a job, like I did writing.

The first hurdle will be motivation and for that I need to admit to myself what I want. And, what I want is embarrassing to admit. I want to be a great artist, not a doodler or “church good.” My intent after my year of drawing is to transition to oil painting, then clay work, etc. This will require time, sacrifice, and money. And, all that seems like a lot to waste on a hobby.

The second hurdle is being gracious with myself in the process. For this I will rely my history as a cook. I’m a million times better cook than I was two years ago, ten years ago, and twenty years ago. Being honest, I thought I was pretty hot shit two years ago. Now I know, I’m only half way to where I want to be as a cook. (I know. That sounds ridiculous. But, just last week, I fried up the best chicken of my life with room to improve.) My point is food and art are similar in that they are as much learned habits and skills as they are talents. I can’t draw a circle the way I want to draw a circle…today. To ease my frustration, it helps to remember the days when my rice noodles were mush and I produced one dry chicken breast after another.

Today is day one. Though I am frustrated with where I am, I know the best is yet to come.

Nik Curfman 4/20/21 Nik Curfman 4/20/21

Journal: #261 The First Nine Weeks

These first weeks are focused on finding the joy in the little acts and tasks of life, of being creative, and enjoying who the Lord created me to be. Then, I will move onto The First Nine Weeks, which I want to be more ambitious. Additionally, I want the first nine weeks to serve as a spring board to the final nine weeks.

I’m sleepy and genuinely uninterested in writing this post. Good thing I decided to have some goals for the next 20-ish weeks, eh? Eh? Yeah. It is good. The central thesis for my summer goals is I want to double-down on me, and continue to dive into what the Lord planted in my heart. And, I divided the the next 20 weeks into three sections: a short two-week sprint while I’m in Columbia, the first nine weeks, and the last nine weeks.

In support of my goal to lose 40 pound this summer, lose 20 pounds. I plan to accomplish this by adding yoga to my workout schedule, hiking more on the weekends, and eating clean.
Learn. I love to learn, but haven’t made much space for it. Starting May 4th, I’ll spending 30 minutes/day learning a new marketing skill, and 30 minutes a day increasing my investment and trading skills.
45 drawings. The long-term goal here is to draw/paint/sculpt everyday. It’s a battle though, one I’m willing to fight.
Finish 330 blog posts. Technically, I won’t finish this goal during the first nine weeks, but I’ll be close. The pace I’m on will get me where I want to be, and I’m excited to reach 330 posts. It’ll be a big deal and proof I can set a goal and achieve it.
Lastly, I want to take some bomb photographs of the parks and night sky on my camping trips. After my return to Redding, I have three camping trips in four weeks. Then a few more planned for the summer. I look forward to the quiet and the dark skies of each night.

That’s it for the first nine weeks. I’ll check back in on them when I start in May.

Nik Curfman 2/11/21 Nik Curfman 2/11/21

Journal: #203 New Goals

Of all my goals, this is more important than money or drawings. Positive confession over my life and heart makes everything possible. When I say I am a great poet I create a world where that is possible. When I whisper I love you Lord I remind myself of what’s important to me.

During my second stroll of the day, I thought about new goals. I’m fresh off hitting my last round of 45 day goal. “It’s time to up the ante,” I thought. Goals need to be hard yet achievable, at least that’s what people in the Goal Setting business say. I’ll add my contribution with this; in addition to challenging yet doable, goals need to be interesting.

Motivated to Do

I have a history of setting goals I didn’t have motivation to hit. One salient example is reading. While I love to read I am motivated to read in spurts. I bend toward non-fiction books which requires brain space to process. Fiction, on the other hand, tends to disappoint me. I’d rather watch the movie. It is what it is. Accordingly, I stopped making it a goal to read a certain number of books every year.

Only took me 20 years to figure it out.

Doable but challenging

My new goals are practical and in line with the direction my life is heading. They are:

Pay off my tuition to BSSM in the next 45 days. This assumes Uncle Sam will mail me another stimulus check. If so, I’m on the hook for $2500. It’s a tall task, but I’m up for it.
Write a poem every other day for a total of 23 poems in the same period. I like my poetry, and want to write more of it.
Draw or sketch something, no matter what it is, every other day for a total of 23 drawings. Of the three goals, this one seems to be most daunting. It will require me to do instead of judge. I need to allow myself to play and enjoy what I’m doing rather than focus on technique and style.

But Wait, There’s More

In addition to these goal, I want to keep walking 10k+ step every day, personal journaling, and blogging. I set a goal of 340 blogs over the course of my first year. This blog will be 203/340. I’ve got exactly 150 days to write 137 more Journal posts.

In retrospect, I wish I set my goal at 330 posts. I’d like to take Sundays off to rest my mind, which I will do starting in April. This first year of writing is one the most wonderful of my life, and I look forward to year two. I’m planning to reduce the number of blogs, focus on grammar, and use some software tools to help me stay organized. For now I’ve got to push through to hit my original goal.

My personal journaling is something I don’t discuss…because it’s personal. Of everything I do, it’s the most vital. The journal is where I write to the Lord, and I will do whatever it takes to keep the conversation alive. I don’t have a set goal per se, only to show up, be honest, and listen.

That’s not entirely true. The Lord has given me a few task to do. I’ll tell you about one.

Words Are Powerful

Early this year the Lord told be He was going to teach me how to live from the Spirit. He said He was going to show me how to align my heart with His Spirit. So we started with specific to me affirmations. Last year, around this time, I began to proclaim some of the basic over myself- I am loved. I am worthy of love. Etc. This time the Lord asked me to say affirmations like I am a great artist. I am a great poet. (Admitting this publicly is tough.)

Jesus talked about the power of what we speak into this world. The tongue is a sword with two blades, and it cuts both ways. We can “move mountains” and “defile” ourselves. I spent most of my life defiling myself and limiting what was possible. Those days are finished. If the mountains are going to move, I’ve first got to believe they will move.

Of all my goals, this is more important than money or drawings. Positive confession over my life and heart makes everything possible. When I say I am a great poet I create a world where that is possible. When I whisper I love you Lord I remind myself of what’s important to me.

The Lord is asking me and instructing me on how to be me. It’s pretty sweet.