Daily Journal: #89 Settling into the Moment
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To live in the moment is an elusive thing. It borders on mythic. At times in the my life it almost seemed like a New Age concept. And yet…isn’t that what Jesus is asking us when he says “Seek first the Kingdom?” I don’t know how to make anything happen in life, but I do know how to show up. I know how to take each day as it come. What if that’s all I must do?
In Tattoos on the Heart, Greg Boyle talks about gladness(joy) and relates it to being in the present moment:
“You don't really get Jesus saying very often there'll be pie in the sky when you die. He's really talking about now and today, and it's supposed to be like that. You're supposed to delight in what's right in front of you.”
The last few days, I’ve experienced gladness and joy in more profound way than ever before. I’m not waiting on it to happen to me, rather it’s falling out of me. I am here and now, and it’s all I really have and need.
What I knew How To Do
I know how to rob myself of the moment. That’s easy too. I do it my living in the future or looking back at the past. In my past, I am a failure, unappreciated, and frustrated. In the future, my life is perfect because I finally learned how to control everything and everyone. Everything went my way.
The other way I robbed myself of the present joy was by demanding more from a moment than it could offer. Of course, I didn’t stop there. The next step is to add a side order of judgement, and some comparison for dessert. No. Those ribs weren’t that good. They weren’t as good as Rodney Scott’s.
Then there’s the final trap of “having standards” and “excellence.” I can’t be happy with my work because it’s not perfect. I want to be excellent, and I can’t achieve excellence by being happy with my work. This line of thought is self-defeating and destroys any appreciation of the journey. Eventually it led me to the belief I would never be good enough, so why try?
What Changed?
I can’t overstate the fruit of walking with Jesus through prayer everyday. And I want to stress, I don’t have angelic visitations or out-of-body experiences (yet.) Most of my mornings are spent walking in the woods just trying to find enough words to connect the Lord, but I do it. Everyday. It’s been over four month since I started going for my morning walks, and now I’m here.
Where is here? Here is a place where I don’t judge myself (very often) or worry about the future. Here is a place where I don’t try to control my environment. And here is a place where I get to look for the gold in every moment, rather than the shit.
I also want to add, I don’t have sudden crazy instances of massive change. Whatever is happening in my life is moving at the pace of day-by-day. You can read previous blogs, even as recent as last week, when I was struggling with low-level anxiety. I continued to go for my walks, and put my faith in Him.
Keep the Main Thing The Thing
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I do know what I’m going to do. I’m going to do for a walk with Jesus. I’m going to talk to Him and listen. Then, I’ll do it again.
