Journal: #186 Wearing My Heart Like A BackPack

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

The next few months are about to get real. Today, I booked a one way flight back to Columbia, South Carolina, and I don’t know how long I’ll be there. My hope is 6-8 weeks. A friend is getting married on April 2nd, and I’d to be there for his wedding. Life may not afford me the option.

Life Happens

Last weekend, my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Of all the foul words in the English language, these are two of the worst. I know my father will die one day, and there will be a medical reason. Yet, for some reason, prostate cancer seems an especially loathsome way to die.

I decided I want to be there for the start of his battle, hence the one-way flight. In this particular case, I’m glad I googled “prostate cancer.” Unless he’s into an advanced stage, we’ve got plenty of time to act. Statistically speaking, he should live at least another 5-10 years. I’ll take it.

I’ll take any time I’ve got left with my dad. The reality is every day is a gift. Moments like this help hone that sense.

How Do I Respond to Adversity

In the days to come, my dad is going to face some nasty medical treatments. He’s going to be weak and need people to love and service his needs. Knowing him, he won’t like feeling like a burden, and he’ll need to be reminded he’s no burden. He’s loved and this is what love looks like.

I am mostly hopeful about my dad prognosis. It seems like we caught the cancer early enough to take decisive action. Despite my optimism, I’ve had to think about life without my dad. The sadness I feel in those instances is overwhelming.

Stay Connected to the Lord

2020 taught me to stay connected to the Lord, and how to care for myself. In a way, I feel prepared for this. Today, the Holy Spirit gave me a picture to remember when the weight of life starts to shove me off balance. It’s her, wearing my heart like a backpack. That picture is life-affirming, light-hearted, and comical. I love it.

For the foreseeable future, when I feel awash in sorrow, I will simply ask the Holy Spirit to “carry me.” And, she will. It’s that simple. I’m not alone, and I don’t have to carry the weight of life on my shoulders.

Thank God for that.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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