Journal: #206 Today Was a Smooth Day

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

Today was a smooth day, no lumps or bumps. Everything went according to plan, and I was not hounded by anxiety or any particular fear. Naturally, I wanted something to go wrong. Peace and contentment are uncommon, so I feel odd when they are present.

There’s an alternative narrative to today. Maybe, just maybe, I’m learning to handle my life without flipping out. It might only last a day, but consider the following. My dad still has cancer. I thought about my old girlfriend a few times. Rain fell all day, which made my walks a sloppy affair. And, I think I gained a pound or two since I got to Columbia.

Is all that so bad? I don’t know. Cancer sucks, and I’d rather not think about someone who dumped me. I’d also like the dogs in my parents neighborhood to shut the f*ck up, but I’m not concerned about the weight. In all honesty, I’m not concerned about any of it.

Yes. My dad has cancer. All my worry and hand-wringing won’t stop it. Prayer and/or modern medicine will. Seems pretty simple.

Yes. I thought about the former lady friend. I’m not going to kick myself for it any longer. Thoughts are thoughts. They aren’t sins, and don’t have to carry anxiety with them. I also thought about politics, marketing, and meme I saw on Reddit. So what?

The rain isn’t awesome. The dogs are worse. But, I walk for me. I’ll walk whenever and wherever I need to walk.

As for my weight, I think I’m overeating cheese and nuts. It’s nothing to freak out over, so I won’t.

I think ending my streak on walks, posts, and journaling help remove a need to perform. I can take everyday as it comes now. I wasn’t particularly jazzed about writing this blog post, but here I am. I want to do this, regardless of my motivation.

This moment seems like one of those moments when the Lords is doing something. Last week He told me to stop looking at numbers. I gotta say, I’m seeing a difference. My thoughts to do not drift uncontrollably to the opinions of others. It helps to just do. I’m reminded of when I first began to blog last July. No one knew I had a blog; therefore, I wrote whatever I wanted to write.

It was awesome- and if my entire life is going to turn into that- I’m for it.

Lord, you are wise beyond anything I will ever understand. Thank you for giving me practical actions to help me live my best life. More Lord. Amen.


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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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Journal: #205 The Streak is Over