Journal: #207 Face The Wall PT 1.

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

The first time I heard the phrase “face[ing] the wall” was in my early twenties. It was a from an older student at ministry school, and he was referring to the journey of Don Potter. It was Don who after being a long time studio musician, the Lord told to play to the worship to a wall- to perform to no one but Him.

When I first heard the story 20 years ago, I thought “Don must’ve been real arrogant.” I don’t think that any more. Who am I to judge? More over, I get it. The ability to toil in empty rooms is a blessing, not a curse. The curse comes when the approval of others means more than the approval of the Lord.

Taylor Swift is an excellent example of someone who lives with the curse. In the documentary Miss Americana she explained how awards and public opinion were her feedback loop. When it turned against her, she fell into a deep hole. (I wrote about it two weeks ago, because I know that hell as well. I get bummed when I post a new poem and it only receives a handful of likes.)

The last week or so, the Lord has continued to tell me He doesn’t keep score. My life isn’t a series of accomplishments or stats. Life isn’t the stock market. The Father loves and stays focused on our hearts. He’s the goofy dad on the sidelines, and proud parent who decorates his cubicle with every shitty stick figure drawing His kids make.

He’s that dude.

I recently began to let go of numbers and the corresponding value I place upon them. For instance, I have not looked at my blog analytics (how many website visitors to this site, what pages they read, etc) since last week. Who knows who’s reading my posts or how often? I don’t. It’s nice.

I want to add, this is more than blocking out public perception. It’s about finding my voice with the Lord. It’s a conversation, and I don’t care what comes of it. If I forever write and sculpt without any mass appeal, so be it. I will write and sculpt.

But first, I need to get all the judges and past voices out of my heart, and let the Lord fill it. That’s where I am on February 16th, 2021. We’ll see what tomorrow brings.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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Journal: #208 Face The Wall PT 2
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