Journal: #194 Old Poet Young at Heart

Daily Journal

Feb 2

I watched the Netflix special Miss Americana about Taylor Swift today. Why? I don’t know. I wouldn’t say I’m a fan of her music, but I have a few of her songs committed to memory. Perhaps, I like her career arc.

Taylor Swift is Human

Taylor Swift was and is a human who wanted to sing songs for people, which propelled her to the top of the music world. With all that fame, expectation and money she was bound to make mistakes and have her share of haters. From my corner of Redding, that’s my view of it. When she started strumming her guitar, there’s no way anyone knew what would come next.

though Different I Can Relate

Let’s get the hilariousness out of the way. No. I don’t share a lot commonalities with a major pop star. Practically zero. What fascinated me were two parts of Ms Swift’s history. First, she is- or was- an epic people pleaser. And two, she wrote 150 songs by the time she was 15.

Of anything about Taylor Swift, I can relate to the people pleaser. I can relate to the desperate need for praise and affirmation, because I was unable to believe in me. Whatever anyone thinks about the woman, it’s obvious she fought for herself. I respect her ability to admit her neediness.

When she spoke about her legendary songwriting I was floored. 150 songs? By 15? Good Lord. How incredible is that? It gave me hope.

Hope in My Storms

The sun came out for the day in Redding. I took the opportunity to go for a morning stroll to soak in the fresh rays. As will happen this time of year, some heavy clouds lay off to the south. It created a very dramatic scene of dark ominous clouds and glorious sunshine.

Instantly, my heart began to weave a narrative about the storm clouds and the beautiful sun. When I got home, I typed out the lines to my last poem Sunshine and the Storm. It’s messy and needs revised but something about it struck a cord with me.

Well that Sucked

In my delight, I posted my poem to Instagram. Six hours later, its garnered a handful of likes and few encouraging comments. I hoped for more. That’s the shitty thing about writing. It’s subjective, and posting to Instagram is hardly a great platform for it. And, I’m not brilliant as I’d like to be.

So, I was feeling a bit down until I watched Ms Swift tell her story. The real nugget is she worked on her craft for years, even as a child, before she ever stepped on a stage. She was a young star, but an old songwriter. I’m a young writer, but a middle-aged man. That’s a strength too.

Goal: Be an Old Poet, Young at Heart

I’ve got plenty of growing to do, with plenty of writing, editing, and frustrations to come. The goal is to be an old poet young at heart. The goal is to be 90 and still have a voice worth using.

The trail I decided to hike is long, and today it felt a little longer. Nonetheless, I’m in it. There’s no turning back. I’m gonna write and blog and never stop.

*(Documentaries are not documentaries any more. They are marketing films. Miss Americana is Taylor Swift’s version of her life, what she wants us to know. It’s basically an 85 minutes commercial.)

Thank you Lord for the bright sun and gloomy clouds. Thank you for pop stars, and the opportunity to completely turn my life in the direction I needed to go. Your grace and kindness sustain me. It’s awesome. Thank you.

Amen.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process.

https://fearlessgrit.com