Abstraction: From Pity to Victory

Abstraction
Written By Nik Curfman

It’s quiet in this empty apartment, the kind of quiet when the low hum of the fridge covers the silence,

And I can hear every breath I take.

It’s a lonely quiet, the kind of loneliness looking to pilfer my gratitude and peace.

My thoughts try to pull my heart out from its sunken hole, but logic is not our friend in this hour.

Feelings rule the moment, and the quiet loneliness is a sign to be read with lower head and watery eyes.

This is what you are worth. All the electronic connection doesn’t mean shit when all you want is to feel the hand of someone you love on your back. And if you were worth anything, you wouldn’t sit alone in empty apartment, typing your feelings into the internet.

Yes. I type my emotions into the internet. It helps to confess the loneliness I feel, the empty state of my condition.

Feelings aren’t facts.

This quiet silence was ordained from before time was set in motion, this minute the opportunity to strike back against the darkness and scream NOT TODAY SATAN.

Not ever you lying motherf*cker, you evil piece of shit.

I know who I am. I am Nicklaus, son of the High God of Everything.

I refuse to sit in my pity or give into depression. Every attack you launch only makes me stronger, my testimony more powerful, and my spirit soar.

You have no place in my heart or mind. The old tricks won’t work.

Oh? Thought I didn’t notice?

The porn stuff? Yeah, that’s old news bro.

You can keep your weed and alcohol too. And, you know I’m not going to eat myself into a coma.

Nah. I’ve taken the beatings and held onto the hand of my King.

He has set me on a pale horse, and I am coming back for the others.

F*ck off, now and forever. I will concede nothing to you. Not one sniffle, insult, or shudder of anxiety. Whatever small skirmish you win, know this: YOU’VE LOST THE WAR.

NOT BY MIGHT OR BY POWER, BUT BY MY SPIRIT SAYS THE LORD!

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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