Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 10/6/20 Nik Curfman 10/6/20

DJ: #80 My Top 5 Practices For Change

I defeated the anxiety by utilizing the five practices below. My victorious moment came while I was 1) in prayer, 2) fighting anxiety(refusing to give into rejection), 3) being kind to myself, 4) prioritizing myself, and 5) speaking life and God’s word over my life. It was as though I hit reset button.

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I write this blog for myself as much as I write it for you. I’ve grown a lot over this year, and I want to remember the trail I’ve trodden. It’s a bit like being in school. I learn. I fail. I grow. I succeed. The thing is, I’m not tired or discouraged. This is the process of moving into a life worth living.

Most of my recent blogs centered on my battle with anxiety. I knew I had to keep fighting, as dangerous thoughts started to creep into my mind. “You’ve lost it. You were better in July. You’ve lost the magic.” None of it is true, but the most powerful lies are clothed in a hint of truth.

I defeat anxiety by utilizing the five practices below. My victorious moments come when I 1) prayer, 2) fighting the thought/emotions(refusing to give into rejection), 3) be kind to myself, 4) prioritize myself, and 5) speak life and God’s word over my life.

my top five practices to navigate change successfully

Show up. Everyday. Each day, I make significant time for Jesus- to pray, to listen, and to receive.
Matthew 6:33 is my way of life,“Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness…” In this space I cry, complain, laugh, and find my center in Him. And, as promised by Jesus and Paul, I see results. I experience fruits like joy and self-control, and my needs are met.
My major shift was making this practice- seeking Jesus everyday- a mandatory habit. Regardless of what I feel or what’s happening in my life, I make time for Jesus. I pray. I release. I listen. I receive. He is faithful to respond. He’s waiting to respond.
So, show up. Everyday. It’s not about a feeling or perfect circumstances. You’ll see progression after a week, month, six months, etc. You can’t behold Jesus and remain as you are.
Fight the fight. The way I see it, every time I let an evil thought or feeling take root in me, I set myself up for failure. Instead I must fight.
I love Paul. The more I walk with the Lord, the more is words satisfied my heart. In a letter to the Corinthians he wrote the magical words,“Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” The depressing thought is how many thoughts I have in opposition to Jesus. (LOLOLOLOLOL, it’s not that bad.)
My business coach taught me how pain and trauma don’t mysteriously disappear. Pain unaddressed leads to fear and suffering. Therefore, whenever I sense my thoughts heading south, I stop my day and fight it. I refuse to allow pain or shame to make decisions for me.
Most of my shitty moments stem from insecurity. For these moments I have a series of questions I ask myself: Why do I feel this way? What if that’s not true? What else is possible? What is the truth? What does the Lord say? These questions enable me to disarm the thought or feeling and focus on truth. They also enable me to more forward through the morass.
Positive affirmation is the other way to fight the fight. I give greater details below.
Positive confession is real. Daily positive affirmation is an amazing path forward through all the lies and fears trying to dominate me.
Jesus told us our words are powerful. He promised we will move mountains with them. Add that to Paul’s exhortation to the Romans, “be transformed by the renewing of your mind,” we have practical way to fight. Since our words carry weight, let them shower grace and speak life. And bonus, we can speak life to ourselves.
Modern science confirms the weight of our words. Words literally change the expression of our genes. Positive words improve cognitive abilities, and negative words disrupt brain function. Stop for a second. Let what you just read sink in. The words you use toward yourself will literally improve or destroy your life.
I am still learning this lesson. After weeks of battling fear and anxiety, I started affirming myself, “Nik, you’re awesome. You’re special. You’re amazing.” After five minutes, I felt lighter, like a weight dropped off my back.
Start with the promises of the God- “I am loved (John 15:9), I am worthy (Ephesians 2:10), I am special (Exodus 14:14).” And keep speaking them over yourself. I have one of two reactions when I say “Nik, you are loved.” I either agree and feel joy. Or, I hesitate. When I hesitate I sit in it. I repeat it. “Nik, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved.” I keep going till I feel the release or start another affirmation.
Prioritize what’s important. I can’t do it all. I can’t appease everyone. I can’t be in two places at once. But, I do decide what’s important.
The biggest problem most of us face is deciding who and what we are about. We instinctively know every decision means the sacrifice of many alternatives. But it feels a lot less like sacrifice when know why you do what you do.
My decision to put Jesus first means I give up a significant portion of my day each day. It means I leave parties early, and get up early every morning. Now, the practice is a normal part of my life. Of course, I’m going to leave the party by 8 pm. It’s what I do.
I also prioritize this blog, my diet, and what I put into brain via my phone and TV. I believe in me. I love me. Accordingly, I must do for myself what no one else can do.
Be gracious toward yourself, and Love yourself. Change has painful moments. The great buffer between feeling like a failure and feeling secure is how I choose to love myself.
Jesus told us to love lots of people: God, our neighbors, our enemies, each other, and ourselves. Most of us get the first two- God and others- and we tend to neglect ourselves. We might treat ourselves on the weekend or take a moment to do something our heart loves, but day-to-day we ignore what we need. It is a sin to do so. Literally.
If you divide it into three parts- God, others, self- then it follows we need to pay as much attention and give as much grace to ourselves as we do to others. It means being forgiving, kind, understanding, patient, and persistent…with ourselves. It means serving ourselves.
Binge shopping, binge eating, drinking alcohol, smoking things, masturbating, even hanging out with friends are not self-care. Self love is doing what it takes to be our best self. It means being bold even if it looks silly. It means playing a guitar if no one listens, reading a book for fun, going for walks in the forest, whatever puts joy in our heart and feeds our soul. This is love.

Whenever I write a list I instantly think about what I left out. For now, I’m happy with what I wrote. Change aka Repentance is hard. It requires dedication, fight, repetition, sacrifice, and grace. It’s worth it. I can’t say where I’ll be in a year. It’s gonna be far different from anywhere I’ve been before. And if I can do it, you can do it.

Be bold. Be yourself. You are loved.

Nik Curfman 9/27/20 Nik Curfman 9/27/20

DJ: #71 Why I Love California

For all of its faults and problems, I love California. It’s my home. And God willing, will remain my home.

I grew up in South Carolina. On a rare day, I miss it. I miss the summer thunder storms, endless country roads, and the Spanish moss hanging from the old live oaks. Charleston will always be one of my favorite cities. If I was gonna move back, that’s where I’d want to be. There isn’t another city like it in America, as it manages to progress while retaining its character. But…I just don’t see it happening- moving back to the South. For all of its faults and problems, I love California. It’s my home. And God willing, will remain my home.

A perfectly normal question to ask is why? Why does a man, who grew up in South Carolina, love California? For starters, my love of California is not a rebuke of South Carolina. I love South Carolina too, in the same manner one might love their college years. I have good memories, but it’s time to move on to the next thing.

Since we all love a good list, I’ve got my ten favorite things I love about California.

Top Ten Reasons I Love California

Very little snow. Believe it or not, South Carolina receives more snow than non-mountainous parts of California. In my six years I’ve only experienced a few random dusting. I love it.
Dry heat. I recently flew back East for my birthday, and the humidity knocked me down as I stepped off the plane. Early in the morning, late at night, it’s humid. It never stops.
While summer temps in Redding sore well over 100°, mornings and evenings offer breaks from the heat of the day. I prefer 100° and dry over 85° and humid.
Outdoor culture. My life back East was dictated by sports schedules and indoor activities. Not so in northern California. It’s too beautiful to stay indoors, and people in Redding aren’t glued to their TVs.
The Redwoods. I stopped trying to describe the majesty of the Redwood Forests. You have to experience it for yourself. The overall natural beauty of the state is amazing as well.
Health conscience. California is one of the healthiest states in America, and it shows. People eat well and exercise more often. California is second in life expectancy for a reason.
The very real laid back culture. Whatever you think of California politics, the people here are very chill. No one takes time out of there day to belittle others. Cliques aren’t a thing, so it’s less tribal. In the South, everyone is part of a closed group. Everyone is roughly the same social-economic status, goes the same church, wears the same types of clothes, etc. In Redding, I have a very diverse group of friends and we all accept each other regardless of wealth, origin, or political beliefs. It’s wonderful.
The San Francisco food scene. As a foodie, I am blessed.
The Entrepreneurial spirit. Again, despite whatever stereotypes exist, the people of California love creativity and hard work. You gotta remember, this is the home of Levis, Apple, Tesla, and McKesson. (Government regulation makes innovation a necessity. The rest of America benefits.)
The Creative Spirit. Number 7 and 8 allude to this, but I wanted to give it its own place on the list. Because people are laid back, less confined by the norm, they are willing to try something new. Sure, this state is stocked with people who want routine, but the general threshold for something new is much higher than the rigid East.
Driving on any Interstate. Weird as it may seem, driving I-5 is very peaceful compared to anything back in the Carolinas. On my most recent visit to Charlotte the road rage was real. It’s stressful. For nearly a year, I drove in rush hour traffic in San Francisco, still not as stressful.

On a more serious note, California is where I became a man. It’s where I figured out who I am, and how to love myself. Life here isn’t easy, but worth it. No more wandering the desert for Nik. Perhaps whenever I get married or have an incredible offer I can’t refuse, I’ll leave. I hope not.