Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 5/19/22 Nik Curfman 5/19/22

Abstract: The Middle of the Trip

A poem, about roads trips and endurance.

As a child, my family took long road trips to western Pennsylvania every summer.

We’d visit grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

The drive began early in the morning, before the sun was bright.

And from our neighborhood we eventually found the highway north,

It led us into North Carolina, past the sparkling skyscrapers of the Queen City,

And up the southern slopes of the Appalachian Mountains.

The first part of the trip was full of excitement and plenty of interesting distractions.

But as the morning began to fade, the excitement died.

The sun worked across the sky above as we turned onto route 19,

churning through the endless green mountains of West Virginia,

with more driving still ahead than behind.

For my part, I’d encouraged my poor mother,”we’re lost, we need dad.”

We were not lost.

I was lost, because I hated the waiting and the confines of the car.

As an adult, I grew to love those old mountains and appreciate their beauty.

And what a gift it was- to sit in the back of our silver station wagon and look out on such majesty.

What I wouldn’t give to be driven across America with people I love.

The journey is half the trip.

I’m still learning to enjoy it,

especially the middle part,

when the excitement of the start is gone,

and the finish seems five hundred miles away.

Nik Curfman 5/4/21 Nik Curfman 5/4/21

Journal: #273 Travel Day, Take 2

I’m not perfect, but I don’t expect to be. I have doubts, but they are signs I’m moving in the right way. Rough days and weeks happen. Some of my relationships are in shambles, and I rarely go through an entire day without anxiety. But, I’m still here. I’m still writing and walking, praying and believing. I am weathering the storms. And, when they are too tough to endure, I hunker down to try again the next day.

I knew the weather in Georgia was extreme before I left to go to the Columbia Metro Airport yesterday afternoon. I knew it, and yet I didn’t think it would cause me any delays to my return to Redding. Why didn’t I connect the dots (my Delta flight went through Atlanta)? I just didn’t. So, after a series of delays, a hurried boarding, and another delay, we deplaned. Then they cancelled the flight, straight up. It made me laugh, because what else could I do? It’s not as though Delta didn’t try, and tornadoes are not joke. They did their best. Time for plan B.

Plan B put me on a plane at 7:30 AM this morning. Once again, as all Delta flights to south are, I was routed through Atlanta. Everything in Columbia went as planned. Step one complete. In Atlanta, the storm clouds gathered to the west. As we did the day before, we boarded out flight bound for Sacramento with great haste. Unlike the day before we got off the ground. Our pilot was determined, and flew south to avoid the storms. The flight took an hour longer than normal, but I finally arrived in California 14 hours later than planned. I call it a success given the situation and my prayers go out the those suffering from the storms.

For no good reason, I feel a new season is upon me. The delay in my return to Redding reminded me of how I first arrived in Redding. On March 1st, 2014 my flight from Chicago to Redding was cancelled due to engine problems. I spent the night in a hotel, and finally made it to Redding late the next day. I arrived clueless, but clinging to an idea. I believed the Lord held something good for me in California. Today, I have that same sense. The difference is I know the Lord has good things for me this summer.

My first year in Redding the Lord asked me to trust Him, which I did in spurts. For three or four months stretches, I leaned into the Holy Spirit and lived the best life I could. Then the hype faded, and I wandered away from my pursuit of the kingdom. Jesus was my best friend, but I treated Him like an Emergency Room. When I read through my old journals, He message never changed. He remained the patient teacher despite my inability to listen. Last summer I made my full commitment to pursue the Him every single day. And now, I’m here.

Where is here, you probably wonder. Here is the other side of me, the life Jesus always held for me. Gone are the deeps shames and self-denial. They’re replaced with endurance, faith, and love. I’m not perfect, but I don’t expect to be. I have doubts, but they are signs I’m moving in the right way. Rough days and weeks happen. Some of my relationships are in shambles, and I rarely go through an entire day without anxiety. But, I’m still here. I’m still writing and walking, praying and believing. I am weathering the storms. And, when they are too tough to endure, I hunker down to try again the next day.

I’ve got a destiny in Jesus. My only path is forward.

Nik Curfman 3/10/21 Nik Curfman 3/10/21

Journal: #225 I Will Be Me

This is a post I need to write, but dread. I feel like something inside me died this week, something I wanted to live. It’s a moment for faith to be what I say it is- trust in the Holy Spirit.

“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
- Japanese Proverb

This is a post I need to write, but dread. I feel like something inside me died this week, something I wanted to live. It’s a moment for faith to be what I say it is- trust in the Holy Spirit.

What’s the truth?

My truth, as I sit on my bed with a hurting neck and stuffy nose, is I am loved. The Father has my heart in His giant hands. And, I will continue to walk toward my destiny in the Kingdom. I desire nothing else.

What do I believe?

I believe I am blessed and rich in love and grace. I am surrounded by the great people and the presence of the Holy Spirit. I am talented, smart, and healthy. I know what I want to do with my life and the direction I’m headed. (A topic for later discussion.)

I believe the Lord is good, all the time. I believe honesty and compassion are the foundations of my life. God made me special, and I cannot walk away from who I am for any reason or person. I embrace and protect my heart and dreams because they are part me and part Him.

What will I do?

I will be grateful for all the grace and kindness pour out on my and my family. I will sing and cry and stay in a place of truth. I will allow myself to be imperfect and sad, but refuse to define my life by disappointment and pain. I will over come shame and self-pity by proclaim His promises over my life- as often as required.

I will be who I am and walk in my God-given calling and grace. I will fall down and spring right back up. I will be courageous and vulnerable, unashamed and generous. I will create and love without fear. I will trust the Lord everyday and in every way I know how.

I will not relent or turn away, come what may. I will be me.

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Nik Curfman 12/16/20 Nik Curfman 12/16/20

Journal: #149 10,000 Steps & Counting

There’s something to be said for going hard at something new for 30 days. We might see we have a talent for a new skill, or discover a potentially life altering new habit. But nothing worth doing happens in a month. The best parts of life come from the slow dedication to the growth of Love in our lives.

One of my favorite YouTube Channels is Wheezy Waiter. It’s produced by a man named Craig and features his wife Chyna. Together they make videos focused on everyday human behavior and current trends. Their most popular videos are 30 day challenge videos. The most popular video being “We Quit Sugar For A Month, Here’s What Happened,” with over ten million views and counting. Not bad.

The first Wheezy Waiter video I watched was the “We Walked 10,000. Steps A Day” video. I was already on the 10,000 steps band wagon, but I wanted to see what another average Joe experienced. As I expected, it went well for Craig and Chyna.

I Love My Walks

The task of hitting 10k steps each day is harder than it seems. It requires time, space, and dedication. My current streak stands at 39 days, a fact I’m proud of. I’d like to hit one-hundred consecutive days if I can. My biggest hurdle will be travel and the weather. Today was a perfect example. Despite being slammed with work, I managed to squeeze in over 11,000 steps while dodging rain drops and the wind.

The thing that keeps me motivated is I love walking. I enjoy strolling through my neighborhood or around one of the nearby parks. Regardless of my mental or emotional state when I start a walk, I feel more relaxed and clear-headed when I finish.

At a time when people want life to slow down, there’s nothing slower than taking time to walk and pray and watch life happen one day at a time.

I’ve walked in the extreme heat and the cold rain, when I’m sad or depressed. I can feel like I’m dragging myself through quick sand just to get out the door, but I never regret a quick turn around the block or late afternoon saunter in the forest. It’s just part of my day, like posting a new blog post or eating breakfast at noon. If the sun comes up, I know I’m going to get my steps.

30 Days is Nothing

My new love is not the result of a 30 trial. I started trying to hit 10,000 steps as far back as 2017. It wasn’t an everyday thing, but 3-4 days a week I’d walk the Sacramento river trail past the Sundial Bridge then loop back home. According to my phone, I’d be faithful to that routine for a month at a time. I’d stop for a few months, then start again.

It’s such an odd journey to get to this point, because it was only late last year (2019) when I realized I like to walk and hike. That’s when I decided to make it a daily part of my life.

My main problem with the Wheezy Waiter 30 day videos is that anyone can do anything for 30 days. I can be (and have been) a vegan, or go without sugar for 30 days. Shoot, I can wear underwear made of cheese or collect fart samples for a month if the money is right. Anyone can. 30 days is not enough time to decide anything, and it certainly isn’t enough time to establish a healthy, life-giving habit.

good Stuff Isn’t Easy

I love my walks. How odd then is it, some days I must push myself to do something I love. I see obvious mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual benefits from walking, and I still have to fight to take the first few steps. (More importantly, what if I gave up after just a 30 day trial?)

What does that say about me? About us as humans? I know I will be happier and more relaxed from the doing- the praying, walking, and writing. Not because I finished these tasks and can now cross them off a list, but because I find life in the doing. So why do I struggle to do them?

Just do It

Instead of deep-diving into my psyche, I’ve got a new answer for questions like this: I DON’T CARE. So what if I struggle to get off the couch to go for a walk? Or if I start a post without a clue of what I want to say? The Lord certainly doesn’t care about my attitude when I turn to Him and say “here I am.” (He does, obviously, but I don’t have to fix myself to come before Him. That’s His job.)

Love Endures

This exact moment and days like today is what loving myself looks like. Thank you Lord. Love is kind and patient, and it endures. Love allows pain to be felt and frustration to be recognized. Then it whispers,”Let’s go for a walk.”

My dear Lord. Thank you for walking with me and inviting me into Your spaces. Thank you for teaching me what dedication and endurance look like, and the sweet fruit it supplies. I love our slow walks.

Amen.

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Nik Curfman 12/7/20 Nik Curfman 12/7/20

Journal: #140 Keep Moving

I have no shame when I admit I was extra motivated over the summer to prove something to myself and a few others. On back-to-back days I broke up with my girlfriend and then my business partner. It was Biblical, or at least comical. To be fair, neither was move was a blindside and for the best.

I worked a long day today, most of it spent staring at a computer screen. Near the end I committed one of those annoying and time-consuming blunders, which meant I spent another hour redoing a tedious job. Fak, and oh well. That’s life in 2020. I’m thankful to have work and customers who value what I do for them. Thanks be to God.

After I finished my work day- about an hour ago- I went for a late night walk up the hill into the retirement community next to my neighborhood. The air was calm and crisp. It was a perfect setting to ease my muddle brain and clear out some work-related anxiousness.

Slow Progress

Near the midway point I opened the Health App on my phone. I like to track my steps in the pursuit of the fabled ten-thousand steps per day*. While I reviewed the day I decided to check on the number of consecutive days I hit 10k plus steps. Over the summer I hit 31 days in a row, and immediately followed it up with another 24 days. I knew I passed 24 a while ago.

Turns out, I was right. Today is day 30 in a streak of at least 10k steps each day. Unless some unforeseen major disaster slams into northern California, I will tie the streak tomorrow and break it Wednesday. I teared up at the thought. I’m gonna do it. The growth I experienced this summer is not a flash in the pan.

Shifting Motivation

So, I knew my motivations would shift as summer slide into autumn, and I was correct. Beginning in October and running well into November, I was worried. Would I continue to run after the Lord? Would I love myself? The answer to both is a resounding yes. Hallelujah.

The Year of Me and Him

This year, this f*cked up Covidian year, is about showing up and doing the little things for the sake of love. And, I’m not referring to romantic sap. I’m talking about patient, kind, long-suffering, but also boundary-setting, I’m-gonna-believe-in-miracles-and-let-God-be-God, love. I’m talking about cursing at the fear rather than people or the past. I’m talking about fighting the wind and pain rather than run from them. I’m talking about showing up and saying, “Lord, I’m here and I trust you.”

2020 is about vision, the type of vision that acts without a detailed master plan. It’s about faith in the things unseen. Part of it is letting go of what I thought was mine, and choosing to believe the Lord will either bring it back or present something greater.

Ultimately, this year is about me and Him. Me being me, and Him being God Almighty. For now and forever more, I can’t hate on 2020. I learned more and put more into practice this year than the previous 20 combined. Of course, the 20 years prior was a slow build, so I do not regret them either. My God truly works all things to the good whenever I let Him work.

Thankfully.

*The science says anywhere from 4,500-7,500/day is good number of steps for most people. I shoot for ten-thousand steps for multiple reasons, but mostly I like going for walks. I enjoy being outside and on the move. While the number of steps is up for debate, new research strongly recommends being outside as way to improve physical, mental, and emotional health. I highly encourage every single human to go on 3-4 outdoor walks per day. Doesn’t have to be long walks, just about ten minutes. 40 minutes per day will get you well above 5,000 steps in addition to your normal routine. It’s simple but effective.