Daily Journal: #102 I Get Why Old People Are Angry

Written By Nik Curfman

The older I grow, the younger people seem. I can’t keep up with their cultural shifts, fads, and trends. The newest slang sores over my head, and don’t bother to keep up with music any more. It’s too much, but the kids themselves are amazing. Whatever we think of the younger generations, they are making different decisions than we did. It’s for the best. They are using less drugs than ever, committing less crime, and waiting longer to have sex resulting in less teen pregnancy.

It would appear as though they looked at how miserable and self-destructive the Boomers, Gen-Xers, and early Millennials are and decided not to indulge every impulse. (I consider myself half Gen-X, half Millennial.) Bravo to them. Of course, they have issues like any group of people will. Every group of young people tend to be burdened with unrealistic expectations and entitlement. I suspect time will beat it out of them soon enough.

Immaturity

I alluded to this in my Friendship post earlier this week, and will now dive deeper into it. One problem every young person suffers is a lack of maturity. (While I generally stay away from sweeping statements about large groups of people, I stand by this claim.) And, I see immaturity as nothing more than a person trying to be something or someone they are not ready to be. Immaturity is an incomplete projection of the self, usually made obvious by the attached pride, anger, and/or judgement. We see this when someone is unwilling - at any age- to ask for help. Or whenever someone is willing to toss aside a relationship or career opportunity due to impatience.

Personally, I had to learn to relax and chill the f-ck out. Life isn’t that serious, and the sun will rise tomorrow. The frustrations and disappointments which threw me into a frenzy in my late 20’s and early 30’s are now minor annoyances. And thank God for that. I do not claim to be the most mature person in any room, but I am not the least. I’ve grown and possess real wisdom. Again, thank God.

Why Old People Are Angry

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No blog post written by someone like me will contain all of the factors related to elderly anger. I assume they have many reasons to be pissed including but not limited to- old age itself, their decaying bodies, Fox News, the weather, the ever increases prices of goods and services, loneliness, that damn racket, and the weather (again.) But I do have some insight into why they might be upset with younger folks. It’s an easy trap to trip, and I wanted to avoid it. I do not want to be the old man who screams at clouds.

The older and wiser I become the more obvious the answers appear to common human problems. Boundaries are good. Self-care is essential. Water good. Walks good. Alcohol for people suffering anxiety and depression is bad. Impulse is not a virtue. Life happens one day at time, so establish the habits to be your best self. And, on and on. Naturally, I am baffled when I watch a beloved friend choose the long away around the mountain or give in to base desires or fears. Don’t they know there’s a better way? The apparent answer is “No”. They don’t.

Here’s a real example from last week:

A mid-20’s friend will likely marry his girlfriend next spring, and good for them. They seem like a good fit. Last week, while he discussed his future finances, this young friend began to softly complain about “not having enough money.” I had to sit on my tongue. It took a moderate amount of self-control to layoff his ridiculous claim. He and his future wife make in excess of six figures, and they have no debt. They do not lack money. He wants more than he needs.

What I did was casually mention how he could “live in apartment for a few years to save up for a house,” when the market cools, thus saving on his mortgage payment. He did not want to hear it. My friend wants to get married, buy a house, start having kids, and he wants it all now. So he will. Painfully, he will. On no planet is he prepared for his desires, and he lacks the wisdom to plan them out. He will learn the hard way.

My Personal Growth

Previously, I would’ve taken the brush-off by my soon to be neck-deep-in-marriage friend as a personal offense. How dare that sonofabitch disregard my blatant wisdom? I’m more mature than that now. In the not too distant future, this wonderful man will need and seek wisdom- hopefully sooner than later. And, I may be one of the people he turns to on the occasion. (And, perhaps not me. Either way, he needs wisdom to be successful in this endeavor.) I will be in his corner no matter what comes. My love for him doesn’t depend on how he treats me.

I love my younger (and old) friends. My joy isn’t to pester them with my opinions or experience. My joy is in sharing life with them, the great and the sad. It’s an honor to be part of anyone’s life, and I will not undervalue it. Maturity sees beyond the moment to the field of possibilities, and it doesn’t look for affirmation of itself. Maturity is confident and eternally hopeful. Age has nothing to do with age.

(In the words of The Who, I hope I die before I get old.)


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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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