Daily Journal: #112 Progress For Me

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

I judge myself everyday, some days more severely than others. Today I woke up with a smile on my face, but then began to tear myself apart. My biggest problem of late is trying to navigate my general happiness. Despite what I write, the last few days I’ve felt really good. It’s unusual. I know how to be a wreck, how to be angry, and how to be mired in self-pity.

I don’t know how to enjoy life or myself.

The Need to “Get Shit Done”

I continue to battle accusations and a need to be productive. Another area of concern is my walk with Jesus. It is evolving, and my motivations shifted once I cleared my breakup. I cried this morning on my walk. Lord, I don’t want to walk away from you now that I feel better about myself. I want to stay close to you for the rest of my life. It’s easy to run to you when my heart is crushed.

Those are all statements of fear, another form of anxiety. I am judging my behavior, and I do not measure up. The truth is I am loved. I am worthy of Love. I trust the Lord. He is my Rock and my Friend, my God and King.

My value is not in list of completed activities. I am loved because I exist. I love myself because I exist. (Lord, I accept your Grace and Peace.)

A Different Standard

This week I spent considerable time working through how to set boundaries while maintaining relationships. It was not a waste of time. In fact, I need to see it as one of the most important tasks I did this week. My heart and calling is to love people. When I spend energy and time in prayer working through how to love people, I am doing what is important to me. I am doing the will of God in my life.

Loving people is my priority in life. This is where my path diverges from the norm, and my growth looks different than it does for others. My standard is not tied to money and finished work projects. By my own standard I had a great week. I did not neglect myself or my friends and family.

Grace on Grace

I love myself. I love Jesus. I love my friends and family. My standard is different, and the judgments of others do not apply to me. The old judgments I used toward myself do not apply to me. I continue to push forward into my great calling from the Lord. Grace and more grace.

Like this blog? Share it with people you love.


LINKS

Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
Previous

Daily Journal: #113 Long Fruitful Day, Short on Words
Next

Prayers Answered: #1 COVID And A Baby