Journal: #192 Jesus Changed My Life

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

I agree with the sentiment first attributed to Mark Twain “Comparison is the death of Joy.” Psychology research says it is who we compare ourselves to that matters most. Regardless, when we compare our lives to others we play a dangerous game. We are the Lord’s. How dare we look to other’s to judge our progress or worth.

Heart Broken for a Friend

Today, I saw an Instagram post from a dear friend which broke my heart for them. I know this person struggles to love who they are, and to see them still struggling was tough for me. They constantly compare and judge their life as inadequate. I wish I could download my experience and wisdom into their veins. All I could do was pray for their heart and a fresh release of vision from the Holy Spirit.

Happy For Me

In the same instant my heart broke for my friend, I felt a personal sense of success. I haven’t seen my friend in months but at one point we shared a lot of life together. Then our paths diverged. I went up the mountain, and they went on their way. If recent posts are an indicator, they still seem to be surrounded by doubt and worthlessness. That’s a douchey way to say it. Perhaps I will discover a more apt expression of my personal feeling, but for now success is it. (Proud perhaps?)

Since I read the Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth, my life hasn’t been the same. I’m not sure why I needed to read a book at the age of 38 to understand the meaning of hard work and determination, but I did. The Lord knew it was was a major piece necessary to get me over a few big life hurdles.

Since the fall of 2018, I dive head first into whatever I decide to do. Go hard, or go home. Half-assed effort is the mark of the immature and afraid. I apply this approach in business, personal relationships, and my walk with Jesus. When I feel like crap, like a fraud or a failure, I don’t let it stop me. I’m willing to show up despite the negative thoughts and heavy emotions.

Show up Everyday

I named this website Fearless Grit because it’s how I see my walk with the Lord. It’s real work. Some days feel like my mind is stuck in the quick sand of distraction. On others, doubt and insecurity build walls around my heart. There always seems to be a reason to run from the Lord. Yet, I show up and say “here I am, Lord. I trust you.”

Am I proud of this? Yeah. A little. Since the beginning of last year I’ve: found the source of my anger and rooted it out, discovered my identity in the Lord, overcome fear, found my callings, exposed the desires of my heart and developed the faith to run after them.

No matter what anyone else can see, I know the Lord has rewarded my effort. He’s proud of me, and He loves me. Every day is an opportunity to fight back against evil and be a light to those around me.

Back to Instagram. I know what it’s like to feel stuck in front of a wall of defeat, unable to find myself. I also know what it’s like to be on the other side, no longer afraid or scared. I’m thankful for it. It’s the grace and goodness of God.

If I can say anything to any of my fellow Christians, let it be that the Lord is good and His love endures. The more you expose your heart and mind to Him, the more you will see chains fall and roads become straight. Show up(everyday). Let Him love you. It’ll change your life.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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