Walk in the Woods

Daily Journal Nik Curfman Daily Journal Nik Curfman

Journal: #171 Onward In Faith

I thought about the concept of readiness as I finished my walk. My last four girlfriends all happened when I thought I was ready by my standards. Now the Lord is asking me to trust His lead and believe in His grace at a time when I know I’m in transition. This is a new level of trust and faith for me, but one I embrace.

I had a long talk with Lord today as we wondered through the forest near Churn Creek. It’s been a day of long talks, and a week of intense discussions. I can hear His voice, and I know what He’s saying. Onward.

As I wrote yesterday, I’m following His lead. Over the summer, post break-up, I had plenty of motivation to run to the Lord, to make changes, and let him expose the rotten parts of my heart. But now, He wants to keep going. I must follow.

This morning, I was sunk a bit despair. The weight my life, what the Lord was asking me to do, and my fear revealed began to taunt me. In a divine moment of clarity, I cried out to the Lord and asked Him to show up. He did. In that same instant I began to laugh and giggle, like I was high.

God is good.

Right before my walk, I sat in my car an extra minute to asked the Lord why he was doing what He’s doing. Why are you pushing me to date? And this was His answer,”It’s not about dating. It’s about overcoming your need to perfect yourself before you do anything.”

It’s true.

After I broke-up with Ms C, all I could think of was how I need to be the best version of myself before I date again*. I need to lose weight, make some money, and get a better job. It’s the same trap I always fall into. I disqualify myself.

And it’s not just in dating. In so many areas of my life, I’ve held back in the name of timing or waiting for the right opportunity. Thing is, I don’t mind taking risks, and rarely regret them. Which is why the Lord wants me to start with dating. It’s the place I fear most and tend to believe I’m not ready.

I thought about the concept of readiness as I finished my walk. My last four girlfriends all happened when I thought I was ready by my standards. Now the Lord is asking me to trust His lead and believe in His grace at a time when I know I’m in transition. This is a new level of trust and faith for me, but one I embrace.

Onward.

*In all fairness to myself, I’ve been more gracious with myself. I’ve embraced my heart and what I want. That’s a big deal, and something that’ll help me in any future relationship.

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