Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 5/23/22 Nik Curfman 5/23/22

Vol II: #70 From Small to Big

Since 2015, I started a number of new healthy habits like making my bed every morning, charging my phone and watch downstairs to make falling asleep easier, journaling, blogging, gratitude, biblical proclamations, etc. The more concise truth is I have yet to establish the habits I want in areas of life that cause me shame or prolonged embarrassment. But, I made lasting changes is major areas of my life and I will not forget them. These smaller changes are the stepping stones to the big shifts to come. Winning is winning, and we cannot often win the big battles until we’ve won the smaller skirmishes. At least, that’s what I’ve learned.

A while ago I read a new habit can be established in as little as 21 days. Oh dear Holy God do I wish that claim was fact. Years later I’m sure whatever poor bastard, or more likely group of bastards, who printed that nonsense have paid the price for it. Since then the new habit timeline switched from 21 to 30 days, to 45, and now “they” say 66 days. Hogwash. I new habit takes what it takes. Even more to my point, I think some behaviors (including some very healthy acts like exercise) might never become a habit in the most normal sense of the word.

I wish exercise was as automatic as biting my nails or gnawing chicken bones long after most people would stop. But, that’s not my life. Every time I lace up my shoes I pause to battle the temptation to stay on the couch. My insecurity and doubt search for any convincing argument to keep me home: I need new shoes, my hair looks a mess, or the ole faithful “just start tomorrow.” Maybe, I will have to push and fight and be more determined than laziness wants me to be.

Goals help. Of course, they do. The ability to tie a habit such as exercise to a future number or larger life goal is a major boost. I want to be able to hike with more energy and strength, and I also want to teach my children to care for their bodies. (One of those feels so far fetched I feel ashamed to admit it.) But, that’s not how habits are formed. And I’m trying to rewrite decades of established behavior. This is why changing habits can be painful and discouraging.

I do have one alternative explanation: impatience. Impatience pulls our heads down and pointed at our failures. It’s why we give up on ourselves and our hopes. It’s why we give up on Him. We settle for the crumbs today because we believe the lie the bread will be gone tomorrow. And though my life is full of failures, I have my victories too.

The trick is to get back up, to lean into the Lord, and believe “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” And yes, I believe in miracles. The instant interaction of Heaven and Earth is a blessing and we cannot live with it. But, I also believe in the slow renewal of the mind. Both are supernatural.

Nik Curfman 6/3/21 Nik Curfman 6/3/21

Journal: #297 Living One Day At A Time

Something about how Cindy (the Client) talked about little steps and big success touched me. It was as though a door clicked open in the space between my head and my heart. In that instant, my head let go of trying to predict the future. And my heart let go of the need for feedback. (My head and heart are often at odds, but not on this.) The truth is the biggest buildings are constructed one piece, one beam, one brick at a time. We see the finished work but rarely the amount of planning, organization, and resources required to build it. It’s the same with each of us. Whatever is good and true requires time and dedication. Contrary to popular Christian myth, welcome change is rarely sudden or immediate.

I believe I have a subtle yet powerful force at work in my thought life. It’s a very human condition; therefore, I harbor no guilt. Embarrassed is the best word to describe how I feel. I’m embarrassed it took me this long to see it for what it is. I, like most people, try to control my life. I know. What a shocking revelation! Except it isn’t a revelation. I’ve written about “letting go” and “keeping it simple with God.” In fact, every single day of my life, I say, “Lord, your will be done in my life.” Comically, I spend the remainder of my day trying to avoid mistakes and “the wrong path.”

Today, on a business call, my client said something old in a slightly new way. She is starting a podcast and wants to name it Small Steps, Big Success. I think it’s a catchy name for an ancient axiom: slow but steady wins the race. Of all the lessons of the last year, this is one of the top three. (Along with Be Honest and Keep it Simple.) Of all my goals of the last year, writing every day taught me the most. I 100% believe anyone can change any aspect of their life if they show up every day. People who lose weight don’t have perfect diets or work out ten times/day. (They did learn to get back up when thrown from the horse. They learned how to keep a bad food week from turning into a bad food month.)

So, I’m going to focus on each day. Doing the little things. That’s it. Simple.

Nik Curfman 2/14/21 Nik Curfman 2/14/21

Abstract: You Are My Friend

Is it fun,

In your cell?

Does the weed dull your brain?

Are there enough shots the bottle to shush the truth away?

Is it fun,

In your cell?

Does the weed dull your brain?

Are there enough shots the bottle to shush the truth away?

Sure seems like they gave you everything to make you comfortable,

During your stay.

Behind those bars, they keep the dopamine flowing,

Your head down,

Your pride intact.

I can see your dilemma,

Because I’m not distracted by your guards: greed, sloth, and anger.

You’re so far from the brilliance made for you,

From before time,

You can’t risk the safety of your doom.

But, I am your friend.

I will not relent.

I will pray and fight for your tender heart.

Greater is the One in me than than the drugs that lock you in the haze.

And He,

He loves you.

His heart is an open ocean of love,

All for you.

Nothing you believe or do can separate you from Him.

So, I will stand my post, and my watch,

For you.

Walk in the Woods

Vol II: #70 From Small to Big

Journal: #297 Living One Day At A Time

Abstract: You Are My Friend

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