Walk in the Woods

Daily Journal Nik Curfman Daily Journal Nik Curfman

Journal: #131 Being Who I Am

My goal is to wave the rally flag at the top of the mountain and scream “Come on! YOU GOT THIS! Let’s. F*cking. Go!”

I was content when no one read my words, and I’ll be content now. Fear, be gone.

When I started typing words and posting posts on the internet, I wrote whatever I wanted. No one knew my blog existed. I was as raw and vulnerable (and sloppy) as I wanted to be. I didn’t care if I spent weeks discussing my break up or business failures. It’s easy to be honest to an empty room.

Last week I saw a noticeable uptick in visitors to Fearless Grit. The trend continued into this week. My audience is growing beyond my mom and good friend Jess. I’m nervous and worried about it.

Old Fears

I want to encourage the people who find this website. I want you to know how loved and amazing you are. That no matter what- no matter how hard life has hit or broken you feel- the Lord is on your side. He gives without measure or regret. I am a witness to this uncommon grace. It’s why I wrote How He Loves.

I’ve watched the Lord be miraculous and kind. People need to know it.

My insecurity stems from the same source fear I’ve always battled. Am I enough? Is what I write worth reading? In this moment I like to pull out my favorite tool: curiosity. What’s true? What does the Lord say about you? As a marketer, I know the answer to this question, which is nuanced. Most people will not find value in what I’m trying to do. But…a few will.

Answer The Questions

In the world of digital marketing, the goal is to provide people with useful and relevant content. It’s essential to know who you are and what value you offer to people. I know who I am, and what I what value I offer. (Check and check.)

I’m Nik, and I’ve failed, faced suicide, and brokenness. Over the last few years I moved from being a lost victim into a strong confident man. My target audience are fellow Christians who want more, who refuse to accept less, and who dare to live a life of aggressive faith in the Father.

My goal is to wave the rally flag at the top of the mountain and scream “Come on! YOU GOT THIS! Let’s. F*cking. Go!”

I was content when no one read my words, and I’ll be content now. Fear, be gone.

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Daily Journal: #108 All I Can Do Is Show Up

Today, this week, is not about feeling or incentive. When the feelings fail and loneliness arises, all I can do is show up. Maybe my emotions are beyond my control, but my thoughts and actions are not. I will love, pray, and write because I know that’s what I love to do. I will not ignore or degrade myself simply because I do not feel a great magic about myself.

Today is one of those days. This week is one of those weeks. I feel numb, and the excitement of the summer is officially in the past. I search for little encouragements where I can during the day. They are to be found in my early walks and evening prayers. I am not discouraged or afraid, rather I exist in a personal netherworld.

All of the thoughts and emotions usually associated with self-pity and despair are present, like an unwelcome guest. They sit outside my being scheming and waiting to be indulged. Despite my present awareness of these corrupt temptations, they are at arms length from my heart.

While I am aware and detached from my old enemies, I do not count motivation or inspiration among my friends. Where I am, and what I pursue is not something I am prepared to do. Regardless, my grand quest is underway, and the trailhead is at my back. I know who I am, what I value. I know where I want to be. The way is steep, and I cannot let the condition of path dictate my value of the journey. Now is my time to grind.

Today, this week, is not about feeling or incentive. When the feelings fail and loneliness arises, all I can do is show up. Maybe my emotions are beyond my control, but my thoughts and actions are not. I will love, pray, and write because I know that’s what I love to do. I will not ignore or degrade myself simply because I do not feel a great magic about myself.

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