Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 12/26/20 Nik Curfman 12/26/20

Journal: #157 Happy To Be With My Family

I’ll be thankful when the time comes, when I’m no longer able to have them all to myself, I had this time to spend with them.

Maybe I can’t eat my normal diet, go for long walks, or blast worship for hours, but I can be grateful in all things. So, I will.

It’s day three of my four day Christmas trip to South Carolina, and I’m enjoying it. I’ve had a blast my parents, and Christmas at my brother’s house was fun. No drama. No tension. Just love, old stories, and lots of laughs.

At my brother’s house I consumed more sugar in eight hours than I have all year. This morning I woke up with a sugar hangover. It’s like an alcohol hangover- achy head, tons of inflammation, and lethargy. To combat my high blood-sugar level, I drank water and coffee and ate a few healthy meals after. I feel much better now.

Regardless, I do not foresee a cookie or chocolate truffle anywhere in my near future.

Despite my dance with the glucose queen, this visit to my native land has been one of my most successful yet. In addition to the food, I haven’t gotten my walks in or found time to spend with the Lord. I know He’s there, ever patient. More importantly, I know I’m ok. A few days with a different routine will not take me down. I’m not doing anything wrong. Feels like a I’m a new man compared to my past.

I thank God for this new way of life. When I get back to California, I’ll get back to my routines. It’s ok if I enjoy this moment with my family. One way or another I don’t have many Christmases left with them as single man, so I will let gratitude fill my heart. And, I’ll be thankful when the time comes, when I’m no longer able to have them all to myself, I had time to spend with them.

Maybe I can’t eat my normal diet, go for long walks, or blast worship for hours, but I can be grateful in all things. So, I will.

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Nik Curfman 12/18/20 Nik Curfman 12/18/20

Journal: #151 Christmas Memories

All I ever want to enjoy the people I’m with. I don’t care what we do (mostly.) I can barely remember any present I’ve been given. I need time to think about them, but the memories of family are more precious to be than the gifts.

Thirty years ago, Christmas meant two off from school, gift shopping with my siblings, and end-of-the-year-the-diet-starts-tomorrow food. My sister and I listened to Christmas records and put puzzles together. We’d watch all the classic movies- A Christmas Story, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, and A Christmas Carol. My mom would spend a day or two in the kitchen producing an endless supply of cookies and other treats. I loved it.

Ordinary Beauty

Usually at some point in during the holiday, someone would get upset about something “not being right” over something none of us really cared about. Once, while trying to decorate the house and make dinner, frustration got the best of my mother. Through clenched teeth she exclaimed,”I’ve been all over hell, and I can’t find any damn Christmas lights!” Then there was my sister’s proclivity to decorate and redecorate the tree.

Aside from the these lesser moments, are the little stories that made those ordinary days memorable. There’s the time my brother and I bought the Christmas tree without a way to get it home. We used rope, bungee cords, and my right hand to secure it to the roof of our small Toyota. We both laughed as I narrated the journey home, my hand numb by the end.

One of my favorites is when we decided to put the tree in the car, trunk first. I’m not what my logic was, but it had to look silly to everyone we passed on the way home. What made this story my favorite is the fact we decided to stop at Rush’s for milkshakes. Who could’ve predicted our car would brake down just outside the drive-thru window? I hope the tale of two teenage idiots and their Christmas tree is still part of the Two Notch Road lore.

Family Tradition

A question I was asked this week was “what did you family traditions did you have growing up?” I had to think about my answer because we didn’t have a set tradition like going to grandma’s house or carving a roast goose. If I had to make a list it would include:

Mom’s cookie bonanza.
Buying each other the same gift- seriously. We do this.
Watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation on Christmas Eve.
Opening one small present on Christmas Eve.
Ham for dinner.
Cream cheese pinwheels... They’re so easy to make it’s stupid: smear one flour tortilla with cream cheese, sprinkle evenly with chopped black olives and green chiles. Roll up and cut into half inch “wheels.” It ain’t Christmas without them.
Dad buying everyone a calendar.
Trying to enjoy Christmas and each other.

What I Love

That last tradition is my favorite and most worth while. All I ever want to enjoy the people I’m with. I don’t care what we do (mostly.) I can barely remember any present I’ve been given. I need time to think about them, but the memories of family are more precious to be than the gifts.

(It’s why I prefer to like Thanksgiving more than Christmas. Embedded in Christmas is expectation and a need to “show you care.” Thanksgiving lacks all that bullshit. Just sit down and eat, crack jokes, and enjoy the day. If you know me, you know we can’t be friends if we can’t eat and act like fools together.)

Gratitude Wins

As I sit here as a single as ever, in a cold empty apartment, I’m content to swim in the memories. It feels good. I’m not mad at the present or bemoaning the future. I’m blessed to have those goodies tucked away in my brain, and I’m looking forward to the day I can make more memories with a family of my own.

My endeavor to be grateful in all areas of life, at all times, is paying dividends in ways I couldn’t fathom. It’s a gift from the Lord. A year ago I was falling love, and today I’m not. And, unlike any other time in my life, I’m not bitter or angry or deep down a pit of depression about it. My life isn’t a series of f*ck-ups and failures. I’ve been blessed, and the best is yet to come.

Holy Spirit. You rock. Thank you for my life, my crazy, rollercoaster life. Thank for you parents and my friends. Thank you for my brother and sister, their spouses, and my nephews. Thank you for Emma. Thank you for all the embarrassment, disappointment, and shame. Thank you for joy and life eternal.

Thank your for old used cars and poor life choices. Thank you for chocolate and cream cheese pinwheels.

Thank you for coming to this Earth to be with us, to live as one of us, and die like us. Thank you for never leaving or forsaking us.

Lord, thank you for showing me a better way to live. Thank you for making my life worth living. More Lord.

Amen.