Walk in the Woods

Daily Journal Nik Curfman Daily Journal Nik Curfman

Vol II: #69 Little/Daily Wins Are It

What trips me are the moments when the goal seems unattainable, when the tasks required are lifeless and dull, and my mind tries to escape into the next dream. But, that’s not how greatness is built or acquired. Champions and heroes reveal themselves only after years of hard work and tough choices.

A good friend is about to cross a serious milestone next week. She and her husband will make their last debt payment to the last creditor and then will be officially debt free. I forget how much they owed but it was closer to one-hundred thousand dollars than ten thousand. And they paid the debt in a short period which included two cross-country moves and the sale of a recreational vehicle. This couple and their determination stand in direct contrast to the common narrative in America today. They worked hard, made tough choices, and now stand at the edge of financial freedom. They are an inspiration.

I’m guilty of being eternally short-sighted. Most of my plans are about what I can do in the next year or two, but I never get there. I dream. I spend two weeks working toward a goal. Then, I give up. And, repeat. It’s embarrassing because, my life is littered with broken goals and dreams. Fortunately, I do have a few exceptions to the tendency. I finished my writing goal last year, graduated from college, and successfully moved from place to place. (I’m quite good at moving.) Sure. I have more successes than these, but I’ll stop here.

What each success has in common is I believed it was worth doing. What trips me are the moments when the goal seems unattainable, when the tasks required are lifeless and dull, and my mind tries to escape into the next dream. But, that’s not how greatness is built or acquired. Champions and heroes reveal themselves only after years of hard work and tough choices.

I think about David on the hillsides of Bethlehem with his father’s flock. He was far from war and politics and temples. But, he tended those sheep with his life. And the doing so, he fought and killed a lion and a bear. He practiced with his sling and waited for his opportunity. Then, after he defeated the giant and was chosen to be the next king, he spent ten years running from Saul’s spear. Nice, right?

It seems like success in life is built on Jesus and showing up everyday. For me, that’s writing, reading, drawing, and doing it all over again. And again. And again. Then, like my friends, I can stand at the edge of something big.

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Abstraction Nik Curfman Abstraction Nik Curfman

Abstract: Believe

You are a winner, a champion,

your soul tested by life,

and found to be in excess of resolve and grit.

Believe in that Nik.

Believe in you.

Question: What if I crash into the ground?

A spectacular blaze of incompetence and foolishness.

Answer: I will likely survive the ordeal.

Embarrassed, tired, and yet aching to move onward.

Last Question: Why do I plan to fail?

Obsessed with the worst of outcome.

Answer: Because, I judge myself.

I don’t believe I will succeed.

Ah. This is our problem.

with an obvious fix.

Believe in you Nik,

to fight,

to scrape,

to get back up after a fall.

How many times do you need to do it- your pattern of rising from defeat,

before you see it as the mark of success?

You are a winner, a champion,

your soul tested by life,

and found to be in excess of resolve and grit.

Believe in that Nik.

Believe in you.

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Abstraction Nik Curfman Abstraction Nik Curfman

Abstract: Don’t Fight The Lies, Accept the Truth

So on this dreary morning, full of doubt,

I will not answer my attacker or plead my case.

I will not submit evidence to the court as proof of my worth.

Nah.

I will rise and whisper:

Lord, here I am.

As the day dawned, I rolled over and longed for more of the night.

Alone in my bed, rancid thoughts pushed their way to the front of my mind.

How long will I accuse myself? Judge the creation of the Lord?

Am I not like the rest of His of work?

Am I not Good?

The ancient answer is apparent and obvious: Yes.

I am Good.

For everything He made He called Good.

From this perch, my mind shouts its strongest indictment:

If I am good, why do I struggle?

Why?

No amount of extra sleep or wishing away the dawn is an antidote to the sickness of my imperfection.

Suddenly, like the rising sun,

the Holy Spirit arrives in all Her kind glory,

The Accuser exposed.

She quietly reminds me of the eternal truth.

Yes, I am Good.

No, I am not perfect, not complete, not finished.

Perfection is not the expectation of the Spirit, but flawed men.

My servant Savior didn’t demand the perfection so preached in our churches.

He said,”Come after me. Seek the Father. The rest will care for itself.”

So on this dreary morning, full of doubt,

I will not answer my attacker or plead my case.

I will not submit evidence to the court as proof of my worth.

Nah.

I will rise and whisper:

Lord, here I am.

I give you everything that I am.

I lay down my doubts and pain,

my hopes and dreams.

I trust you and accept the life your planned for me,

Your grace, hopes and dreams,

Your eyes and ears for me.

Rip out the roots of the accuser,

Water the seeds You put in my heart,

Your will be done in my life and through my life this day.

I refuse to listen to the same lies that work to tie me down and hold me in shame,

I accept your Word over me.

I love You, and I’m so thankful You are real and love me.

Amen.

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