Journal: #228 Grace In Anxiety

Daily Journal
Written By Nik Curfman

It hit me on the drive back from Durham to Columbia today, between Salisbury and Charlotte. Without warning I felt anxiety and depression flood my mind. What am I doing? Will I ever make a difference? I knew this was an attack, so I began to pray. I began to sing. Then I texted Blake. I was weak, but not defeated.

I wasn’t sure if Blake would text back. In all honesty, I thought he’d be busy. Thankfully, I was wrong. He said he’d love to have me stop over. I could see the new house he bought with his wife. It felt like a life line. I knew I could be anxious and untethered in front him. I didn’t need to be polite or tone down my language.

The funny thing is I didn’t once think of stopping to see him prior to my trip to Durham. The idea never crossed my mind all weekend or when I left Durham. Only after I started to feel heavy and depressed did I think of visiting him. It was the Lord.

Blake and his wife Hilary are facing their own set of major life struggles. The days ahead might grow darker still. Despite their problems, they made time for me. I needed the Lord in that moment, and human shoulder to hug. That’s the friend and the goodness of God.

Tomorrow is coming. The sun will shine, and the myriad of birds drawn to the free bird seed in the yard will sing. I will rise. This moment will pass, and once I again I will trust the Jesus to lead my way.

Today, I’m thankful for old friends and their kindness.

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Nik Curfman

I am a writer and artist in the early stages of my trek. I spent 20 years trying to be who I thought I needed to be, and now I am running after who I am. Fearless Grit is my space to document and share the process. 

https://fearlessgrit.com
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Journal: #229 Un-Shouldering the Load
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