Journal: #217 Don’t Complicate Jesus
I know for an absolute fact I wrote and posted a blog last night. It was about my trip to Charlotte and how I intend to handle a situation with an old friend. I know I wrote it. I know I added a picture. And today it’s gone, like it never existed. This tiny example typified my day.
Today was a day full of false starts. For the shear fact that I do not want to rehash all of the frustrating moments, I’ll skip to the end.
By the time I opened my laptop to begin writing this post, I felt that old familiar hopelessness I know I left to die in 2020. The question “What good is my life if the lives of people around me aren’t affected?” surfaced. It’s a terrible question born of self-pity and judgement. It’s a form of anxiety. Really.
The thing is, I know what’s true. I know how to beat this. It’s not complicated or difficult. It’s a simple as saying Lord, I feel like shit. I know that’s not true, but that’s where I am. Thank you for being here with me.
A few moments ago I read Romans 4. What a timely read. It’s about Abraham and his faith in the promises of God. Paul was a loquacious Roman Jew. I think he gets a bit wordy; however, his point is solid. Abraham was righteous because he believed God. That’s it. Even when he balls were old, and no one would consider having a child, he held on.
I gotta believe Abraham wavered from time to time. He received that promise years before it was fulfilled. Right? He did do the sex to Hagar. So? Yeah. He tried to make it happen. Sarah gets blamed for it, but it’s not like Abraham fought her, and he wasn’t drugged. Odds are he had to “lay” with Hagar multiple times to make Ishmael. I’m sure he hated doing it.
Today wasn’t my day. Oh well. Tomorrow will be. My task isn’t to try and fix all the problems I see. It’s not my calling to put the world on my back. And I can’t hasten the Lord’s promises any more than Abraham did. My journey is simple. Love the Lord. Seek Him. Everything else will line up.
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