DJ: #77 Looking Back Impedes Moving Forward
This week I struggled with looking back, or rather, remembering people. For years, I wanted to save people from their mistakes and poor life choices. The desire served two divergent purposes. One, I genuinely love people. I want them to succeed and enjoy life. This is the best part of my heart. Two, my biggest hurdle is a need for validation. So often my attempts to love people were intertwined with my insecurities- secretly I wanted to be recognized while denying the need existed.
In July, the Lord asked me to love the people around me- my friends and family- the best I can. “The best I can” includes a healthy disconnect from each person. What I can add to a life is finite. I am not God or the Holy Spirit. I do not know what is best for anyone. Despite those limitations, I can love them and be a source of hope and grace.
Today, I finally unearthed my old demand for validation. I realized I wanted reassuring feedback from people who are struggling. What a bad setup. What a terrible burden to place on them. In all fairness, each of these people are growing and trying to figure life out. They will make mistakes and let me down. That’s life.
It is on me, a more seasoned and wise man, to develop the grace and humility to let them be immature. Immature is often a dirty word, but it doesn’t need be. We are all immature on one level or another, usually in multiple ways. It is the enemy who expects perfection, then condemns any other result as unworthy or unforgivable. But not the Lord, and as I aim to reflect to His loving kindness, I aim to be patient, tolerant, and kind.
Paul asked the Ephesians to do as much:
I urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace: one body and one Spirit, as you were also called to the one hope of your call; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
Ephesians 4:1-6
It is my great honor to love the people around me, and receive from them whatever they have to give. I have the opportunity to watch them grow and walk in the fullness of their callings and personhood. (The greater honor is the latter. To watch someone become who they are is one of the great delights on my life.)
