DJ: #59 A “Serious” God
For a while now, when I meditate I see mist. Better explained, I am beckoned into it. It’s probably more like a fog-mist composite. (Fog is dense mist.) The point is I can’t see where I’m going. I can’t see the ground. And I have to trust the Lord, where ever it is we go. All the while, my brain begs for a destination or a goal, and my feet want for the security of feeling stable ground beneath them.
As I reflect on what the challenge is in that place, it’s not fear. Correspondingly, there is not anger or shame, or sadness. I may take some of those emotions into the fog, but I never leave with them. My issue is the purpose of the fog. Even I write this words, my mind is flipping over possible answers. What is this time and place about? Inherent in my admission is a probable answer.
But, what if the fog is of no great purpose? No. That’s false. This is not an exercise intended to break me down and turn me into a mindless drone. I’m not a toy. By simply committing to follow the Lord in the mystery, I am establishing deeper trust and relationship.
Perhaps the purpose is the fog. It’s a place to breath and focus on being.
Yesterday, I wandered into it with my head down. I can tend to be overly focused on the goals and accomplishment, and my morning walks are on hold as fire blankets northern California with smoke and ash. (Instead of bemoaning how the fires are f-cking with my routines, I choose to adapt. I won’t make excuses.) Once in the mist, I heard the Voice tell me to run, a normal thing this week. So, with no direction or goal, I started running. In the fog. Not my favorite activity.
After a few seconds a Being ran up beside me, and it began to run in the most hilarious style of running I’ve ever seen. Its arms flailed and legs flared. She* laughed the entire time. It was perfect. I started laughing too. “What exactly is happening in my life?” I thought. And the Lord immediately answered, “There is joy here too. Fun in the fog. If it ain’t here, it ain’t Me.” At this I began to cry for what is life without unearned joy and laughter?
This morning I am still alternating laughs with tears, overwhelmed by the goodness of God. He is not the humorless mob boss sitting in the corner, stroking His mustache. He’s the goofy, big-eared kid who doesn’t give a flying-f-ck what anyone else thinks about Him, the Eternal Optimist, the Forever Patient, the Always Kind, the Giver of the Best Gifts, the Relentless Hunter.
The Comic. The Jokester. The Creator of Comedy and Infinite Joy.
For any of it- peace, love, joy, hope, faith, righteousness, justice, self-control, patience, humility, endurance- to drive us to the greatest depth of Him…it all has to work. It is fine to focus on one of these at a time, but when we develop our sense of justice without joy, we become slaves to the law. When we focus on peace without faith, we become doormats to those around us. When we focus on love without endurance, we set ourselves up as a cruel judge of others. And endurance without hope tortures the heart.
The most elusive gift of God in my life has always been joy. As with a few other aspects of my life, I thought I had to manufacture it on my own. It’s stupid to think about as I type it. Who makes their own gifts?
I’m so glad and happy to know God is who He says He is.
Lord God of Humor and Grace,
Thank you. Thank you for being so awesome. Thank you answering my prayers to know You in greater ways. Thank you for giving me a place to grow and be imperfect. I love you. I love our life together.
Amen.
*I wrote she, because the Being was the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is feminine in my experience.
