Journal: #291 Purpose In Our Suffering
I don’t like reading the Old Testament. The Lord is angry, and the people are dumb. From Genesis to Malachi, we read about the “Children of God” and their constant struggle to uphold the commandments handed down to them. Then we have the Psalms, which I find depressing. (Not all of them, of course.) Chapter after chapter is full of lament and shame (not unlike my blog- yes, I’m self-aware.)
Thank God for the Gospel of Matthew. If you’ve ever read through the Bible, everything changed when Jesus arrived. The genocidal God of Abraham and Joshua is gone, replaced by a loving Father. We are reminded of what the most important commandment is:
Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” - Matthew 22:37
Jesus, earlier in Matthew, goes beyond this. He also commands us to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us— a radical idea even now. Altogether we learn love is the answer because that’s how our Father treats us. This concept meshes well with my sense of order and peace. Why can’t we all just get along?
Over the last three years, I largely ignored the Old Testament. As discussed above, it doesn’t suit my idea of God. (And, I hate when people use obscure Old Testament scripture to justify the election of Trump. It’s a manipulation of the highest order, and many Christians bought into it.) Why would He harden Pharaoh’s heart? Up until yesterday, I would’ve argued He didn’t. Then, yesterday happened.
Without going into details, the Lord told me the reason behind some recent events in my life. In particular, He told me about His part in them. The big point being, the Lord hardened some heart around me. His goal was to have me to Himself. The thing is He was sweet and kind. He knew I was finally able to hear it. And He didn’t mince words or pull punches.
I find myself both sad and grateful for a God so loving and kind, he’s willing to hurt my feelings for what’s best for me. It’s the kind of revelation that stops life and shifts my perspective a bit. But, there’s more to it than that. Then the Lord told me why, as in why He kept me for Himself. It’s because my family (in the Great Cloud of Witnesses) asked Him to keep me. They asked the Lord to walk me through the kind of life they would live given the opportunity to live again on Earth*. Again, my mind was blown. Again, I was sad and grateful.
Today, I’m still reeling a bit from that download. What do I do with it? I’m not sure. What I have is a greater sense of the Lord, His sovereignty, and grace. Regardless of how my mind tries to fit this new information into my brain, I’m glad the Lord told me. There’s purpose in our suffering if we choose the Lord in the midst of it. (And after.)
*If you think it’s wacky, cool. I’m not asking for acceptance or preaching this from a podium. This is my life, and I will be honest it how it is lived.
