Vol II: #28 I Don’t Trust God
I am a problem-solver, like most men. My ability to handle a stressful situation dramatically decreases the longer it remains unchanged. And, powerless people who would rather complain about life or sit in their “fear of moving forward” are my kryptonite. These flaws in my heart are forms of impatience and fear. You should know, I am also impatient without myself and God Almighty.
On my morning walk through the forest, I reached a crescendo in my complaints to the Lord. In return, He asked a simple question, “Do you trust me?” The answer is yes, and no. I trust the Lord on a personal level. I trust He’s leading me and won’t let me fail. But, I do not trust Him with my family, some friends, and church leaders. Why do people choose less, to believe in a small God, and put more faith in the works of evil than a God of lavish goodness? I know the answer before I finish the question.
The oldest- and still most effective- lie humans entertain is GOD IS NOT WHO HE SAYS HE IS. Every other lie and every sin is built on this foundation. IF God isn’t kind, I need to protect myself (enter greed, murder, and racism.) IF God isn’t gracious, I am alone (enter anxiety, depression, and disconnection.) IF God doesn’t love me, I am unworthy of love (enter shame, codependence, and addiction.) These are all variations of the original: You can’t be who you are because God isn’t who He is.
This is the point of the story of Adam and Eve. Whether it actually happened or is an explanation of the Lord's relationship to humanity, the truth remains. The Lord made us, put us on a wonderful planet, and supplied every need imaginable. And yet, we doubted Him and continue to doubt Him…with our families, friends, and fellow Christians. We choose to protect, control, and dive into hopelessness. Our fear is why Hebrews says, “without faith, it is impossible to please God.”
Faith isn’t a conjured feeling of confidence, it’s a trust. In my vulnerable state, the most faith I can muster(pun intended) is to believe the Lord is good. I can’t see the end and I hate to see people I love caught in cycles of bullshit, BUT I’ve got a mustard seed. My goal isn’t to put confidence in my wisdom or experience. I don’t need to have answers. My aim is to say “LORD, I BELIEVE YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE.”
I believe you love me and my loved ones. I believe you have a plan for your people. I believe in your supernatural presence and grace. I believe you know know what’s best for your children. You are the great I AM, the Salvation of all mankind, but also the friend of every person. You stand at the door, forever knocking to be let in. Our choice is to let you in, to give you a seat in our hearts, every day.
Lord, I don’t trust you the way I want to trust you. But, I trust you enough to open my heart to your goodness and love. I believe you are who you say you are, and I need more of you, not less. I will stress myself to death trying to fix what I cannot fix. It’s my joy to watch you work.
- Amen.
