Journal: #252 Celebrate Victories
Yesterday was the first “good” day since…January? I’m not sure. And by good I mean to say a day where I felt good about me and my life. I still battled some anxiety and sadness, but only in small bouts. This morning I woke up in a bit of a funk, but quickly snapped out of it during my morning walk at Lima Ranch. I like the direction I’m headed in life, and look forward to the summer months to come. My heart feels relieved and eager to move into this next season.
As I reflect on the last five months, I feel as though I cleared a significant test of my heart and mind. On the heels of last summer’s heart ache, I was highly motivated to shed my chains of fear and self-doubt. The Lord opened up my world, and I found a certain ease in the uncertainty. As summer churned into autumn, my motivation began to slip, as the path ahead of me began to form. In my heart, I knew this decline in optimism would happen. Most new ventures are curbed by reality. Still, I pushed through. Winter held the cruelest gifts, and my only goal was to continue to show up- to seek Jesus everyday.
So now, as Spring blossoms, I reap the fruit of my labor. I have beheld the goodness of God in every season, and it is my joy to confirm Matthew 6:33 is more than bullshit words from a dead philosopher. The promises of Jesus- the Messiah- are truth. I have fought through shame, sorrow, depression, anxiety, apathy, anger, arrogance, pride, distraction, and lies to seek first the Kingdom. If I could tell the world anything, I would parrot what the Lord told Peter, James, and John in Matthew 17:
4 Peter broke in, “Master, this is a great moment! What would you think if I built three memorials here on the mountain—one for you, one for Moses, one for Elijah?”
5 While he was going on like this, babbling, a light-radiant cloud enveloped them, and sounding from deep in the cloud a voice: “This is my Son [Jesus God], marked by my love, focus of my delight. Listen to him [His promises are real].”
(The Message)
I’m glad to be where I am today. The last ten months tested my faith and determination, and I expect more the same in the future. For today, I will celebrate this victory. I felt knocked off my mountain, but I put my trust in the Lord to lead my back to the summit. As Jesus said, the Lord did. That’s the greatness of a true and living God.
