Journal: #269 Anger Doesn’t Defeat Anger
This is my third different entry for today. The my first draft is about what it means to take the next step of faith in my life. I’ll publish it tomorrow. Then I started to write about the loneliness of moving on. I experienced loneliness last year when I stood up for myself in a handful of broken friendships. Only a few survived. What I wrote about today is a new loneliness. It’s the kind of loneliness we experience when we start down the road less traveled by, which I intend to do. You will read about it Friday or Saturday. For today I want to discuss what a little shit I’ve been the last three days.
Yes, I’ve been a little shit. I’ve been angry and short-tempered. And, I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t he write about his yesterday? Yes, again. Sort of. I wrote about being triggered, but today was different. This afternoon, I hunted for people to fight, arguments to win. Lord, help. WTF is this?
On occasion, there’s no purpose in the “dig.” By dig, I mean the endless pursuit of trying to understand every flaw, motivation, and moment. On a day such as this, I find more solace in being gracious and kind. As I ambled down the side street a few houses away from my parents house, I decided to let go of trying to understand myself and the world around me. Then the Lord spoke, “You don’t fight rage with rage. You conquer rage with gratitude and hope.” I held up both fists in a mock fighting stance and laughed at the gesture.
Anger is a sign of suffering, and I’m too tired to figure out why. Regardless of the reason, the cure is love. It’s always love. Tonight, as I type, I choose to be accept the love of the Lord, and love myself. It’s the kindness of the Lord…that leads to everything good. l accept it.
