Walk in the Woods

Nik Curfman 7/5/21 Nik Curfman 7/5/21

Journal: #326 Delayed

I loathe a certain airline. Their headquarters in is Houston. Let me count the ways. I’ll begin with the condition of the planes. They are cramped and sweaty. From there we’ll move onto their inability to take off or land on time. Now, add a dash of lost or damaged luggage. Finally, offer cheap flights to people who have just enough money to avoid Spirit. Voila! A shitty airline is born.

I loathe a certain airline. Their headquarters in is Houston. Let me count the ways. I’ll begin with the condition of their planes. They are cramped and sweaty. From there we’ll move onto their inability to take off or land on time. Now, add a dash of lost or damaged luggage. Finally, offer cheap flights to people who have just enough money to avoid Spirit Airlines. Voila! A shitty airline is born.

It’s my fault. I know United is a cheap carrier with a reputation for tardiness. (You can read more about United's terrible rep by clicking this link: United is bad.) I absolutely know it, because I‘ve railed against United before to my friends and family. So…why did I fly with them? Because I was cheap. I didn’t want to pay $400 for a flight on Delta. Lesson learned. Again. I can’t blame a dog for being a dog.

The silver lining in today’s drama is I scored a free pass to the United Club lounge. At present, I am sitting in a very comfortable chair having just eaten my weight in free food. (I was hangry too. That never helps.) I’ll be able to write this post and spend some time with the Lord. The time will be spent backing off my hanger cliff- repenting of my judgemental ways. Soon enough I’ll saunter down the terminal for a short flight to New Orleans and friendship.

I know I began this post with a rant. In truth, I’m blessed. Very blessed. I’m healthy. Both my parents are alive and kicking. I have a good job and great friends. One company, dedicated to mediocrity, can’t change that. God is good, even when I’m delayed. (Being delayed is not really a big deal. I just upset at myself for choosing United.)

Nik Curfman 4/28/21 Nik Curfman 4/28/21

Journal: #269 Anger Doesn’t Defeat Anger

Anger is a sign of suffering, and I’m too tired to figure out why. Regardless of the reason, the cure is love. It’s always love. Tonight, as I type, I choose to be accept the love of the Lord, and love myself. It’s the kindness of the Lord…that leads to everything good. l accept it.

This is my third different entry for today. The my first draft is about what it means to take the next step of faith in my life. I’ll publish it tomorrow. Then I started to write about the loneliness of moving on. I experienced loneliness last year when I stood up for myself in a handful of broken friendships. Only a few survived. What I wrote about today is a new loneliness. It’s the kind of loneliness we experience when we start down the road less traveled by, which I intend to do. You will read about it Friday or Saturday. For today I want to discuss what a little shit I’ve been the last three days.

Yes, I’ve been a little shit. I’ve been angry and short-tempered. And, I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t he write about his yesterday? Yes, again. Sort of. I wrote about being triggered, but today was different. This afternoon, I hunted for people to fight, arguments to win. Lord, help. WTF is this?

On occasion, there’s no purpose in the “dig.” By dig, I mean the endless pursuit of trying to understand every flaw, motivation, and moment. On a day such as this, I find more solace in being gracious and kind. As I ambled down the side street a few houses away from my parents house, I decided to let go of trying to understand myself and the world around me. Then the Lord spoke, “You don’t fight rage with rage. You conquer rage with gratitude and hope.” I held up both fists in a mock fighting stance and laughed at the gesture.

Nik Curfman 4/14/21 Nik Curfman 4/14/21

Abstract: He’s Not Me

His thoughts are not my thoughts,

His declarations and promises never revoked,

and His love is the optimistic-faith kind of love.

Somedays I wish the Lord hated me the way I hate me,

one eye on what I did wrong, the other on what I haven’t done at all.

I wish He’d level me with His judgement,

and declare my soul inept.

But, that fucker* doesn’t do it.

I know.

I’m not suppose to refer to the Lord,

Creator of All,

Prince of Peace,

as a fucker.

I’m not suppose to hate myself either,

but here we are,

driving our way through all types of new territory.

Of course, Jesus is not a fucker,

or hater,

or judger,

or condemner.

I am those things.

I write people off,

places I don’t like,

and crappy restaurants.

I’m the fucker,

I’m the imperfect vision of heaven.

And for all my vulgarity and bravado,

He’s still my friend, my strength, and my God.

His thoughts are not my thoughts,

His declarations and promises never revoked,

and His love is the optimistic-faith kind of love.

It never fails or stops trying,

It’s kind, patient, and generous.

Even when I am none of those things,

He is forever who He is,

the true and great I Am.

*I don’t ask anyone to understand why I cuss in my writing. Please respect it. In my view, the last thing the world needs is another safe/sterile Christian unwilling to talk about their low points and frustrations in real language.