Vol II: #73 Simple Dating Rule

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Dating in 2022 is strange and familiar and complicated. The married, be they happy or miserable, offer their best answer for each new frustration. But the simple truth is no one knows what the hell they’re talking about. In the last 12 months I was told my “picker is broken” and “to take risks” and to be “patient.” I feel a bit like a man trying to hang a painting with the help of my friends. Each person shouts something different and directly opposed to the others, “UP! To the Right…No, Lower. Tilt the corner down! It’s not level.”

I think the best I can do is be honest and forward and myself. And the woman who responds to me, as I am, is the one I should ask out for an afternoon together. Given my penchant for complexity, sometimes it pays to remain simple when it comes to women. Do I want to spend more time with this lady? Yes or no? If yes, then ask for that time. If no, move on.

Easy enough…right?

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Abstract: Dating Wisdom

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Botanists and farmers know the value of good sun and a steady stream of water,

And Roman engineers designed bridges we still use.

And, when you learn to cut an onion, they’ll tell you pull your fingers back from the knife,

and let you knuckles guide the blade as you cut.

My finger tips are proof that this is good instruction.

Our race has learned and passed on the wisdom of each age,

and we, in our time, live under the blessing of this relay system.

Libraries and databases are stacked with what we know or will know,

but the dynamics between a man and woman remain the mystery of our being.

How comical and rude it should be this way,

no set patterns or rules,

and each man must figure it out for himself.

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Abstract: Gifts and Grief

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I can’t wait to grow old,

when my friends stop dying from cancer and car accidents and overdoses,

and start dying from normal shit like heart attacks and old man smell.

I suppose it’s a blessing to die in an old age,

one I receive with great joy from our Father.

But, I see with great clarity,

this gift comes with grief.

So be it.

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Vol II: #72 Terrible Week

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Earlier this week, terrible things happened. The shooting in Texas was horrific and mind-numbing. And, a good friend lost his older brother in a freak kayaking accident. He was 42 with a wife and two young boys. As stated when I can began- terrible things, shitty things. I have no answers but to ask the Lord to comfort to the those who mourn. Heaven weeps with us.

One thing I learned from people dealing with cocked-up situations is not to let grief and anger consume me. I’ll take it a step further and say it does no good to ask “why?” or “how could God let this happen?” A) Shit happens. You’ll go crazy trying to figure out every disappointment. On the rare occasion you receive a truthful “why” answer, it will not ease the pain of absence or loss. And, B) God does want a single bad thing to happen to His children. Consider the Bible is full of shitty actions- murders, rapes, betrayal, torture, etc. God seems to “let” a lot happen. The temptation is to believe the existence of tragedy is a judgement against us but it isn’t. Shit happens to everyone and not all life can be consumed by tragedy or we would not have time to do much else.

Weeks like this one make me more grateful to be alive. I’m thankful for life and the people I get to love. What a gift. I’m more aware of the goodness and mercy of the Lord than ever. Why? Because. I should’ve died many times over whether it was drunk driving, nearly falling backward off a mountain, or swerving to miss a stopped car on the highway. I’m nearly 42 and I could’ve had a freak accident and write up in the paper. But, I’m still here. Thank God.

Terrible stuff happens. God is good and so is life. All of these things are true.

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Abstract: Mikey

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Two boys sat on a black bench in the hallway outside Mr. Price’s office.

They were there because one had pushed the other causing a commotion in the lunch line.

After a few jabs and hurt feelings, Ms. Bethany pushed the boys apart,

and ferried them to the principals office where they sat.

From the outside, these young scrapers looked like normal boys their age,

and the tussle from earlier was nothing extraordinary.

The next day they would stand victorious on the kickball field as teammates,

the lunchtime incident mostly forgotten.

Mr. Price called for the boys and asked them to sit down when they entered.

The principal sported a three piece gray suit with a navy blue tie and matching pocket square,

but his sharp appearance belied his frustration when he asked,”What happened?”

Both boys began to shout over each other,

and Mr. Price massaged his forehead with his hand.

“Stop! You, what’s your name?”

“Me? I’m Ben.

“ And you?

“Mike.”

“Ok, Ben, what happened?”

What happened next was as routine and normal and boring as any parents can testify.

“The other boy started it.”

And, “He hit me first.”

But, of course he did.

Mr. Price had heard this story many times in his career,

and today he did not have the patience to listen to it again.

“I’ve heard enough,” he said as though ready to deliver his verdict.

Mike was stunned, “What about me?”

“I don’t need to hear it. I’ve been principal for a long time and I know what happened.”

“But—”

“Look here Mike, there’s nothing you can say to change my mind. Keep your mouth shut.”

And, Mike kept his mouth shut.

Little did Mr. Price know, Mike always kept his mouth shut.

At home, in school, in church,

and today was one of the rare moments he thought he could speak,

but it was taken away.

Though these two boys looked exactly the same, they would grow up to be very different.

And how could Mr. Price know? That Mikey was like so many other children?

The boy was losing himself in world of people who didn’t understand who he was or what he needed-

And, the simple dismissal of the opportunity to defend himself would be another brick in a wall of self-doubt and unimportance for Mikey.

(Mikey was good lad, but he didn’t believe it.

In time, he’d learn otherwise.)

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Vol II: #71 Words and Belief

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Words are merely words whether they be lies, directions to the ball game, or a food critique. It is what we believe about words- written or spoken- that shape our lives. Belief matters more than words, for words cannot shape or erode what is settled in our hearts. And, temptation only exists in areas of our lives that are not settled. A thief steals because he does not believe tomorrow will provide for his needs. A prostitute gives away the most intimate part of herself because she doesn’t see any other value in her bathroom mirror. A single, 40 year-old man, dreams big and does little because his dreams are safer than his reality.

The true power of words are what they reveal about us and our beliefs. Do we sink under the weight of criticism or lack of recognition? Can your team win? Does your heart soar when complimented only to be depressed later? Or, do you chose to speak life over the dry clumps of earth in your heart?

What we believe matters in how we talk to ourselves and what we receive from others. And, I’m convinced we cannot hear the greatest love songs from the Father because we do not believe they exist. Jesus himself said everything starts in our hearts. If our hearts are sick or broken, then our brokenness will align with broken words and reject words of life. But, should we choose to trust the Lord, and allow Him to speak to our hearts, then our lives become one of faith and hope and joy.

(This post isn’t cohesive. I’m ok with that. I’m on to something.)

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Abstract: What It’s Like To Go To The Gym

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It’s easier and more comforting to give-in,

it’s the habit you know best.

Just sit dow, pull out your phone, and stare at it.

That’s what your brain wants and your poor tired heart wants.

Isn’t it hard and embarrassing to fall,

to watch your face become more round instead of less?

You have a safe place on that couch, you know?

No dismissive glances or knowing smirks.

Think of the gas you use to go to the gym,

hardly seems worth the effort.

Oh, you’re gonna do this, eh?

Your shoes are dirty,

clean them first.

No? Why not?

Ack, it’s too bright outside to workout.

Just go back insi—

Look at all the cars here, that’s too many.

…the front door staff thinks you’re a fatass.

Everyone else is going faster than you including that old lady.

Look! That stupid boomer is complaining about Joe Biden on the TV.

What a joke. Are you really going to be part of a gym with people like him?

Don’t look at the pretty girls. DON’T EVEN LOOK.

STARE AT THE CEILING YOU CREEP.

(Wouldn’t it be easier to stay home.)

Just…don’t…

Free weights?!

What the fu—

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Vol II: #70 From Small to Big

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A while ago I read a new habit can be established in as little as 21 days. Oh dear Holy God do I wish that claim was fact. Years later I’m sure whatever poor bastard, or more likely group of bastards, who printed that nonsense have paid the price for it. Since then the new habit timeline switched from 21 to 30 days, to 45, and now “they” say 66 days. Hogwash. I new habit takes what it takes. Even more to my point, I think some behaviors (including some very healthy acts like exercise) might never become a habit in the most normal sense of the word.

I wish exercise was as automatic as biting my nails or gnawing chicken bones long after most people would stop. But, that’s not my life. Every time I lace up my shoes I pause to battle the temptation to stay on the couch. My insecurity and doubt search for any convincing argument to keep me home: I need new shoes, my hair looks a mess, or the ole faithful “just start tomorrow.” Maybe, I will have to push and fight and be more determined than laziness wants me to be.

Goals help. Of course, they do. The ability to tie a habit such as exercise to a future number or larger life goal is a major boost. I want to be able to hike with more energy and strength, and I also want to teach my children to care for their bodies. (One of those feels so far fetched I feel ashamed to admit it.) But, that’s not how habits are formed. And I’m trying to rewrite decades of established behavior. This is why changing habits can be painful and discouraging.

I do have one alternative explanation: impatience. Impatience pulls our heads down and pointed at our failures. It’s why we give up on ourselves and our hopes. It’s why we give up on Him. We settle for the crumbs today because we believe the lie the bread will be gone tomorrow. And though my life is full of failures, I have my victories too.

Since 2015, I started a number of new healthy habits like making my bed every morning, charging my phone and watch downstairs to make falling asleep easier, journaling, blogging, gratitude, biblical proclamations, etc. The more concise truth is I have yet to establish the habits I want in areas of life that cause me shame or prolonged embarrassment. But, I made lasting changes is major areas of my life and I will not forget them. These smaller changes are the stepping stones to the big shifts to come. Winning is winning, and we cannot often win the big battles until we’ve won the smaller skirmishes. At least, that’s what I’ve learned.

The trick is to get back up, to lean into the Lord, and believe “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” And yes, I believe in miracles. The instant interaction of Heaven and Earth is a blessing and we cannot live with it. But, I also believe in the slow renewal of the mind. Both are supernatural.

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Abstract: The Middle of the Trip

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As a child, my family took long road trips to western Pennsylvania every summer.

We’d visit grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

The drive began early in the morning, before the sun was bright.

And from our neighborhood we eventually found the highway north,

It led us into North Carolina, past the sparkling skyscrapers of the Queen City,

And up the southern slopes of the Appalachian Mountains.

The first part of the trip was full of excitement and plenty of interesting distractions.

But as the morning began to fade, the excitement died.

The sun worked across the sky above as we turned onto route 19,

churning through the endless green mountains of West Virginia,

with more driving still ahead than behind.

For my part, I’d encouraged my poor mother,”we’re lost, we need dad.”

We were not lost.

I was lost, because I hated the waiting and the confines of the car.

As an adult, I grew to love those old mountains and appreciate their beauty.

And what a gift it was- to sit in the back of our silver station wagon and look out on such majesty.

What I wouldn’t give to be driven across America with people I love.

The journey is half the trip.

I’m still learning to enjoy it,

especially the middle part,

when the excitement of the start is gone,

and the finish seems five hundred miles away.

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Vol II: #69 Little/Daily Wins Are It

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A good friend is about to cross a serious milestone next week. She and her husband will make their last debt payment to the last creditor and then will be officially debt free. I forget how much they owed but it was closer to one-hundred thousand dollars than ten thousand. And they paid the debt in a short period which included two cross-country moves and the sale of a recreational vehicle. This couple and their determination stand in direct contrast to the common narrative in America today. They worked hard, made tough choices, and now stand at the edge of financial freedom. They are an inspiration.

I’m guilty of being eternally short-sighted. Most of my plans are about what I can do in the next year or two, but I never get there. I dream. I spend two weeks working toward a goal. Then, I give up. And, repeat. It’s embarrassing because, my life is littered with broken goals and dreams. Fortunately, I do have a few exceptions to the tendency. I finished my writing goal last year, graduated from college, and successfully moved from place to place. (I’m quite good at moving.) Sure. I have more successes than these, but I’ll stop here.

What each success has in common is I believed it was worth doing. What trips me are the moments when the goal seems unattainable, when the tasks required are lifeless and dull, and my mind tries to escape into the next dream. But, that’s not how greatness is built or acquired. Champions and heroes reveal themselves only after years of hard work and tough choices.

I think about David on the hillsides of Bethlehem with his father’s flock. He was far from war and politics and temples. But, he tended those sheep with his life. And the doing so, he fought and killed a lion and a bear. He practiced with his sling and waited for his opportunity. Then, after he defeated the giant and was chosen to be the next king, he spent ten years running from Saul’s spear. Nice, right?

It seems like success in life is built on Jesus and showing up everyday. For me, that’s writing, reading, drawing, and doing it all over again. And again. And again. Then, like my friends, I can stand at the edge of something big.

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Vol II: #68 In All Things

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In case you live under a rock- of any sort- you are probably aware of the financial and economic pressure mounting in the US and around the globe. Prices are rising and the value of assets like stocks are collapsing. Oil is expensive and the war in Ukraine continues- though Russia seems to be losing steam as Ukrainian forces make use of finest weaponry the West has to offer. And, like a hero or an idiot, I find myself drawn to the turmoil. It’s the chaos that births the most interest and useful opportunities.

For example, I wish I had $20,000 to invest into crypto. “But Nik, didn’t the crypto market just collapse?” Yes. Exactly. It’s a perfect time to buy. “But Nik, will they price of crypto ever rise again?” Yes. They will. The underlying technologies of crypto- blockchain and Web 3.0- are here to stay. Despite this severe downturn, the technology will carry on, though with less fanfare. (I genuinely believe the crypto collapse is good for the long-term health of the market. Governments will now step in to add much need regulation of such markets. Provided the regulation is added soon, we will not see another massive failure.)

My broader point is that crisis is nothing more than opportunity in waiting. Some changes and leaps are easier to take when our backs are up against the wall. I want to be able to take advantage of what each crisis/opportunity provides. Of course, I don’t need a crisis to be to make the most of moment. Each season and stage of life has hidden and not-so-hidden gems to mine. (To arrive at this conclusion does not make me wise or a sage, the ancient Chinese General Sun Tzu wrote similar remarks almost 3000 years ago. )

The hardest part of mastering turmoil and chaos is keeping our heads. And, these are the moments when the words of Paul reign above all else:

Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:11-13

I spent the last eight months being tested emotionally, financially, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Nearly everyday gave me a choice on how to respond to a different challenge- when I felt attacked by a leader, when investments didn’t pay out, I got poison oak three times and COVID twice, personal failures, and learning to love the Body of Christ. It was during my second bout with COVID I decided I was doing to love the Lord and worship Him, regardless of the outcome. Even more than this, I decided I was going to choose faith and hope over anger or fear. (Anger makes us feel powerful and in control, but it is never satisfied.)

The key to having joy and hope in the worst circumstances is in how much we trust Jesus. This is what Paul meant. Jesus was Paul’s provider and protector, and the Rock I on which I will build my life. No market collapse or war or death or health problem is going to keep me from worshipping Him or receiving His joy and love. And from this perch, He will give me power to rebuke the storms(fear) and vision to find the other side of the sea.

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Vol II: #67 What’s Next?

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I am guilty of moving into the next season of life without savoring the flavorful bits of the present season. It’s the manner in which I lived life for most of my life- half of my effort spent on the now and half focused on the beyond. I hate it. When the line is crossed and all the hugs are given, it’s important to celebrate the victory. And, over the last week and a half, I let myself feel good about graduating from BSSM. From the first day of class until the final weeks, I questioned my ability to finish and push through each challenge. And, this sense of accomplishment is a complete contrast to how I felt when I graduated from college. I stood on the sidewalk outside the political science building, final paper submitted, yet unhappy and anxious. Thank God.

I don’t have a concrete plan for what’s next in my life, but I do have desires. What I desire most is to continue to sit with the Lord to renew my mind- to destroy old fears and beliefs. The great reward for this practice is I get to receive from Him whatever is good and holy. Next, I want to set up daily habits to win in all areas of life, mainly health and finances. Lastly, and just as important, I need to find communities to sow into and be sown into. This is the newest desire in my heart now that my Lone Wolf spirit is dead.

For a more specific answer on “what’s next?” I’ll say I am working and preparing to travel for a bit this summer, and then? I just want to love and be loved.

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