DJ: #49 Moving On, In Hope

It was the disconnect I wanted and needed ever since May 31st. Last night, I finally let her go. I finally released what was, and settled into the truth of my existence. I trust Jesus. This trust, a hope, empowers me to believe the best is ahead, not behind. 

I feel a bit like Abraham, laying my promise on the altar to be sacrificed. Thankfully, I know about Abraham, and Esther, and Job, and Jesus, and Paul. The promises of God are better than what we can imagine. He provides a way when we let Him work. 

Overall, I’m relieved to create a space for pure friendship with her. No expectations. No personal hopes. Something new for both of us. And if something were to develop, I wouldn’t shoot it down. But I am not going back to what we had. It was special and sweet, and incredibly flawed. Neither of us lived from our hearts. I ignored myself and got sick. But…also, some really powerful seeds sprouted too. So who knows what could happen? 

She remains, and probably will always be, one of the best people I’ll ever know. I have nothing but gratitude for her. Even now. She carries the room to a higher place, has little tolerance for cynicism, and desperately longs to walk in the love and grace of the Holy Spirit. She does all that without being condescending or weird. (And yes, she is flawed. A gift I gave myself when I first met her was I never idealized her. But her greatness will always outweigh her weaknesses.) I could go on and on about what I like about this woman, obviously. Her awesomeness was not dependent on my opinion(or anyone’s opinion, or her opinion), it’s inherent in who she is. 

As of today and onward, my faith roots are growing deeper in the Lord. She set a new standard for what I expect from a girlfriend in my life, and my expectations are higher for the future, from who ever I date and from myself. It feels good to know I’m not going backwards. I’m not laying something down to settle for less. God is so good.