Journal: #246 Heart Broken, Again
For ten months I left the back door to my heart open. This morning I realized, she ain’t coming back. Rather, I accepted the fact. My heart ripped anew as it considered the following: whatever reason or rationale, she doesn’t want me. Now, I must move on to find the same state: I do not want her. The thing about that is…months later some part of me still help hope.
Since last May, I repeated a mantra about my ex-lady. I told myself and the Lord, “Father, you know what I want, what’s in my heart, but I trust you. Your will be done.” I meant it, but wanted the former. I loved her. I mean lay down my life, sacrifice whatever it takes, committed to death loved her. I’ve never felt that way about anyone. I wanted her, and held onto faith while we dated. It was by faith I asked her out, and by faith I let her go when she was overwhelmed at the end. And now, almost a year later, I sense this is the end for me and my hopes for a resurrection. It’s time for a new kind of faith.
I’ll talk more about that tomorrow.
