Journal: #320 Grace In Failure Is Key
Over the weekend, I had an epiphany concerning where I am and how I’m going to get where I want to be. Much of my consternation of late is due to my consistent fight with insecurity. I’ve written about this. You know. What occurred to me Sunday was why I feel insecure. It is because I’m stepping out on my own in ways other people do not. I’m climbing a different mountain than most, so I can’t expect other people to be able to understand what I do or will do. You might be saying to yourself “yes, of course.” Duh— is another. I’ve written about that too.
What I’m talking about is— my epiphany— is a source of new grace for myself. I am learning how to learn, how to grow, and remain committed. Learning how to learn and grow is what’s new. Adults tend to want to learn and become proficient at the same time. (I think of my brother. Having never hung cabinets in his life, he berated himself because the new cabinets he self-installed were not perfectly square. Hilarious stuff.) When we fail at a new task, we start to believe we’re too old or lack the intelligence to understand it. That’s where I’ve been- failing and hating it.
In truth, I am a beginner in several areas of my life. If I treat myself without grace or kindness, I will fail. But, if I approach the coming years with patience, I will succeed. It’s that simple. The Lord is constantly saying this to me. I won’t win my race if I am constantly tearing myself apart. Hope must be part of even the most frustrating days.
