The Unexpected Joy

Over the last two months I prayed the following nearly everyday,”I let go of (insert name.)” And the thing is, I did’t want to let go. Every time I utter that phrase it was done while enduring a sharp moment of grief. 

Today, I hit a wall. A wall that said I can’t keep dragging faint hopes around like an anchor to my ass. You can’t keep your heart open to the past, of an image that isn’t real. If you want something new, close the tab on the old. 

So today, I meant it, and I felt more sad than ever- the loss of something I believed in and wanted. Then I thought about her with another guy. A specific guy, who I don’t think she’ll actually date. I felt angry and somehow betrayed (over my fake scenario), and then something amazing happened…

I felt peace and comfort. No angst. No pain. Just happiness for her good destiny. I’d be happy if she dated that guy. He’s a good dude. 

What happened to me?

I felt the same thing earlier in the week when I was told “we went with someone else” after a job interview. I asked who they chose, and the interviewer told me. I wasn’t mad. I was happy for the person. Like genuinely happy. They deserve it and I hope they crush it. 

Where the fuck did this random joy come from? God is so good I’m happy for people now? Not like ceremoniously happy, but authentic joy for their good fortune, happy for them? WOW. I’ll take it. I’ll take all the joy in all the various form it manifest. I would much rather live life unthreatened by the success of others, and to rejoice in their wins.  

Thank you Lord for whatever this new cheerfulness is. I want more of that. I want to hope for the best for people, and celebrate it. 

Amen.