DJ: #55 When Songs Have Meaning
The first church I remember is Hillcrest Baptist Church in Elgin, South Carolina. It’s a red brick country church with wrought iron hand rails and the iconic white steeple. In the sanctuary, beyond the wooden pews, were a piano to the right of the pulpit and an organ to the left. It was in this setting I first encountered God in the joy of worship. While I couldn’t read, I was able to memorize songs, and probably made up verses when I needed to fill in the gaps.
Later, our family took a dramatic turn when we started making the trek across Columbia to Church on the Rock. They met in a warehouse, used modern sound equipment, and danced. I hated it. From the get. While this congregation believed in an active, powerful, and miraculous God, they had no concept of love or grace. They were very binary in their views, and saw demons around every corner.
Soon after Church on the Rock, and comically even further from our house, we began driving to Morning Star in Charlotte. The music quality was outstanding for the mid 90′s, and Morning Star was bit more free than the others. However, I in was high school at this point, and decided church wasn’t an institution for me. I’d seen enough bullshit and hypocrisy.
But, the Lord being ever faithful, met me and pulled me to Himself. In my early 20′s, I committed to follow Him and wound up in ministry school. Despite this rebirth, I would continue to loathe corporate worship. The songs meant nothing to me. They seemed to be written and sung by hipster douche bags who settled for worship leader because they couldn’t hack it as an artist.
When I did sing to the Lord is was usually the older hymns of my childhood. I also found songs by U2, Sufjan Stevens, and even Pearl Jam to be more meaningful and relevant. The rare exception did exist, but when I moved to Redding- home of Bethel Music- I lacked any desire to learn their songs. So I didn’t.
Here, in the 2020 AD, among all the upgrades, challenges, and changes, the songs have meaning. It took me a week or two, and admittedly against my will. But damnit, the songs have meaning.
In early June I watched the train of my life completely jump tracks. I was sick, single again, and in need of a new career. And instead of sinking into self-pity and despair, I sat before the Lord and bled my heart out to Him. Part of this process included sitting with my friends*, allowing them to love me. Which they faithfully did.
For two to three weeks, I visited my friends Jesse and Rob everyday. My visits lasted hours, and Jesse, who believes in ‘soaking’, usually played worship music. Since it was their home I said nothing despite my aversion to it. Then, during a quiet moment on their couch one song caught my attention. It was So Will I as sung by Amanda Cook.
God of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to die
I cried a deep sorrowful cry that day. My raw heart was finally ready to let go of all its justifications and rationale. I was ready to accept imperfection. Whatever the sins of the songwriter, there is a reality of Jesus I didn’t understand, couldn’t relate to. And now totally humbled and submitted, I understood.
While I have no problem with secular music, I have observed a difference in my attitude and approach to life with these songs in my head. I find it easier to overcome the shitty moments with the line “You’re never gonna let me down” stuck in my head, in opposition to “We all live in a yellow submarine.”
My new appreciation for worship music is a great gift. God is so so so so good.
Some current favorites:
