Journal: #305 Walking Out The Final Steps of Grief
(Today’s blog post is a bit of an embarrassment to write. It would be easier for me to avoid it, but that’s not the spirit of my writing. Here we go.)
When I broke with my last girlfriend, just over a year ago, I decided to handle it with as much grace and dignity as I could muster. I didn’t argue with her, call names, or subtly try to work my way back into her life. I allowed myself to grieve the moment, but my embarrassment stems from how long the grieving process is. Or, has been. I feel like I did something wrong, even though I did not.
Overall, I’m happy with the progress I made. This week felt like the final mile of the grieving process. Throughout the week, the Lord put people and messages in front of me. It started with how “exes can’t be friends” and ended with “everyone’s got embarrassing shit.” The latter I heard from two different sources. And honestly, I can’t remember hearing or seeing one single word on exes being friends until last week. (When the Lord has something to say He says it over and over until we hear and under it. He’s not an asshole whispering in the wind.)
Today is as close to romantic square one as I can be. No interests, nothing interesting. Not yet. Feels like the place to be. The secondary point of grieving is to create space for something new (by processing pain, which is the first point.) Many of us don’t have room for new because we never properly let go of the old. While I am embarrassed at the amount of time required to heal, I am glad I let myself do it.
