Vol II: #5 The Setup…Bonus Content
I didn’t anticipate another chapter to the story of The Setup(Part 1), but here we are. You may read Part 2 via this LINK.
Saturday evening, I hauled ten pounds of grilled tri-tip over to a friend’s house for dinner. My friend Gabe, a bald, middle-aged man with a bushy red beard, is set to move to Nashville in August. While I wish he would stay in Redding, it’s what’s best for his family. Gabe and his wife Sara have six children, and California is expensive. They made green beans and mushroom side dishes to accompany the tri-tip, a proper California meal. We stuffed ourselves and talked about what their hopes are for the future.
A few hours later, I said my goodbyes and walked out the front door. On my way to my car, I glanced down at my phone only to discover a text from Rachel*. Yes, Rachel. That Rachel, the one who ghosted me earlier in the week. I was instantly annoyed. “Why did she bother to text me now?” I wondered. I waited until I was safely home to read her text. It was kind yet unapologetic. Rachel acknowledged her communications gaffe and offered to meet me for coffee the next day. A small part of me admired her boldness- to reply days after my last text and to ask me out. A small part of me…
The devil on my shoulder wanted to blast Rachel with my thoughts and feelings regarding her communication style. The Jesus in me knew better. It was not the time to remind a fellow human— and child of God— of her imperfections. My task was to be kind, honest, and gentle. I decided to let her down as easily as possible while being firm and direct.
I told Rachel I appreciated her reply, but the window of interest was closed. Then, I thanked her for the coffee invite and wished her luck. She thanked me for my answer and wished me luck too. All-in-all, I was who I was, and so was Rachel. We weren’t on the same page, and that’s ok. “Onward and upward,” my good friend Blake says.
The next day, Sunday, I thought about my response to Rachel’s invite. Was I too harsh? Should I have been more gracious? Or forgiving? The answer to all three questions is no. Four days between texts is too long. Period. As for grace and forgiveness, I have forgiven her and I was gracious. That doesn’t mean I have to pursue her romantically. Healthy communication is important to me, vital even. I do not want to begin a relationship with a woman who can’t seem to communicate simple needs. (I respect the fact Rachel ‘isn’t a texter.’ If she would’ve sent me the same text Tuesday or Wednesday, or even Thursday, we would’ve had coffee on Sunday morning.) I don’t know if I did the right thing. I made the best decision for myself with the information I had on hand.
Late on Sunday, I received a text from Carrie, the woman who tried to pair Rachel and me. She apologized for Rachel’s actions, and I told her not to apologize. Adults are not to blame for the actions of other adults. I was thankful for the opportunity and consideration. It’s high praise when a woman offers to connect a man with one of her friends. So, I thanked Carrie for her efforts.
When I look at the last week concerning Rachel, I find strength in our actions. Whatever Rachel is facing, it was a ballsy move to text a guy four days after his last text. I applaud the courage needed for such a move. And, I like how I handled the situation. I didn’t let my emotions control my responses, and I was kind to everyone involved without backing away from the moment's strain. Is this what healthy conflict looks like? I believe so.
Onward and upward.
