Vol II: #2 The Setup
While fishing on the Bayou last week, I received a text message from Carrie*. “Nik, I got someone you need to meet!!” it read. It’s the first time in years someone offered to set me up, and two conflicting emotions immediately went to war in my heart. First, there was joy, for the opportunity and consideration by my friend. And second, there was fear, lingering from the dating failures before it. Carrie, an unashamed lady, did not wait for my reply and quickly demanded an answer. What I chose in the moment was honesty. I was tired and had questions. In the moment, I did not have an enthusiastic answer to give- which disappointed my dear friend. Thankfully, she was gracious and agreed to push the conversation to the next day.
As I walked around Bourbon Street the following morning, I thought about the type of woman I want to date. Gone are the porn-informed fantasies of my youth, and experience taught me to value character over status or accomplishment. With the smell of stale beer and old brick in my nose, I remembered the breaking points of previous relationships. Then I asked myself “who is this woman?” No doubt she is flawed, imperfect, and battling her own set of breaking points. Like me. After I scarfed down a delicious shrimp po-boy for lunch, I let my mind settle on three main questions and a plan. I’d put my questions to Ms Carrie and let her decide the next step.
I didn’t mince words in my text to Carrie later that afternoon. I asked if the woman was passionate about anything, emotionally healthy, and did she possess self-worth. This wasn’t the reply Carrie expected but she embraced it all the same- which led to a deeper more meaningful conversation. Ultimately, we decided until I returned to Redding to continue the discussion.
By Sunday, I was back in Redding, back to dry heat and cloudless summer skies. Carrie and her boyfriend lured me over with the promise of free food to discuss the setup. I was slightly nervous when I arrived and struggled to make small talk. For the next few hours we discussed everything but dating. The slow build up set my nerves at ease. Eventually, we made our way to the pool out back, and finally the conversation turned to the mystery lady.
Carrie (and boyfriend) led with how cute the woman is, which I consider annoying. I dunked my head under the surface of the water to let out a small sigh. “Of course you think your friend is cute. ALL WOMEN THINK THEIR FRIENDS ARE CUTE. It’s a throw away statement,” I screamed…in my head. I quickly turned the conversation to who this person is, not what she looks like. Physical looks are fleeting. We all end up sagging and grey.
As I circled the pool I began to get a better picture of who the lady is. She’s a teacher, and believes in social justice for African-Americans and those in poverty. Having given part of my life to such people, I liked what I heard. I appreciated the condor of my friends, because they did not paint a rosy picture or inflate my expectations. I left the house with a better idea of who she is, and…I stalled the inevitable long enough. I was always going to say yes to the setup. No matter what.
The next morning, Carrie sent me the woman’s phone number (and picture). I was annoyed (by the picture) but happy to be moving forward. The setup was in motion.
(*Name changed for obvious reasons.)
